


Ze Vlog of a Misérable

by ZeMiserable



Category: Les Misérables (2012), Les Misérables - All Media Types, Les Misérables - Victor Hugo
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Asexuality Spectrum, Enjolras is sassy, Everyone is Queer, F/F, France (Country), Genderbending, Grantaire being Grantaire, Grantaire has a vlog, Grantaire is a Mess, M/M, Multi, Other, Slow Burn, YouTube, college angst, enjoltaire - Freeform, most people are Nb, non binary Enjoltaire, transmedia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2020-10-05 11:44:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 41,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20488355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZeMiserable/pseuds/ZeMiserable
Summary: "Hello mes amis, I'm Grantaire and zis iz ze vlog of a Misérable"!In which Grantaire is a French, pseudo-edgy, NB millenial with a vlog... and a crush on Enjolras, the flamboyant obvious leader of their obnoxious roommates' association, "Les Ami·e·s de l'ABCD".This fanfiction is a transmedia project linked to a webseries that you can watch on the Youtube Channel Grantairezemiserable. You can also follow Grantaire on Instagram (@grantairezemiserable) and Twitter (@Hellomesamis) and check the Tumblr @zevlogofamiserable for more information. Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-9Yve8l17o





	1. Characters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the reader is introduced to the characters.

**Characters:**

The unreliable protagonist of this story. They start their vlogs to distract themselves from their addiction to cigarettes and weed. Through their videos, they will progressively learn to shut their mouth when needed and listen. They also have a massive crush on Enjolras... and they don't even try to hide it.

A sweet summer child and former neoliberal (which was rebellious in a very conservative family), she was kicked out of her home by a homophobic grandfather. Marius is here for love, and in itself, that's political.

He enters the street to be kicked out of it 'cause nothing is accessible. Gavroche checks many boxes of the SJW representation agenda but overall, he's wild.

**Members of the ABCD:**

A queer student association (sometimes anarchist when Enjolras wants to push their agenda).

_They're just a bunch of whiny SJWs and they meet once a week to complain a lot and fight over tiny details only they care about. [...] To summarize, they spend their time aggressively going at each other's throats but since they've got one another's pronouns right, they call it their "safe space."_

(Grantaire)

A heart of burning passion under a crust of ice. Enjolras wishes they weren't the unofficial leader of the ABCD, but they are... They're serious in everything, but Grantaire might be their problematic fav.

During the day, Bê studies medicine (which is boring), but at night, he's a flamboyant drag queen who calls out yellow fever. He also has the misfortune to share his apartment with Grantaire.

The intellectual Trotkist? Marxist? Communist? (Too many "ists") one. She's read a lotta books, you get the point.

They're not out because they need the money. Ka ching! Courfeyrac rejected their aristocratic particle (De Courfeyrac), but not the substantial help that goes with it... as long as they stay in the closet. Meanwhile, they try to bite the hand that feeds them.

A living paradox. They exist and you always say their full name. They study law with Courfeyrac and Marius to stay under the radar.

Here and queer, fab and loud with sass and grace. Student and fat activist, she also has the privilege (no) to be Grantaire's roommate.

The sweet cinnamon roll of the association. A music composer trying to survive ethically and economically. You can hear their music in indie video games and porn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, as said in the description, this fic is a transmedia project linked to a webseries you can watch on Youtube (the name of the channel is grantairezemiserable I don't think I can link it directly). You can also follow Grantaire on Twitter (@hellomesamis) and Instagram (@grantairezemiserable). Also, there's a tumblr (@zevlogofamiserable).  
Vlogs will be published twice a week on Monday and Wednesday starting on the 9th of september. And the fanfiction will be updated every Sunday starting on the 15th of september. There’s likely to be 24 episodes and 12 chapters. Thanks a lot.


	2. Chapter 1: Dionysus and Apollo in the toilets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Grantaire is introduced to the ABCD, meets Enjolras and decides to quit smoking pot and start making videos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is part of a transmedia project: Ze Vlog of a Misérable, linked to the Youtube Channel grantairezemiserable (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtgN3T9dOMdP2Xoxi5OQotw). You can also follow Grantaire on Twitter (@hellomesamis) and Instagram (@grantairezemiserable). Also, there's a tumblr (@zevlogofamiserable).

“What? Are you nazis or what?”

There is a lethal silence at Grantaire's words. The air feels cold all of a sudden and everyone looks at them. Really? _ That's _ shocking to them? After having gasped every time Grantaire introduced themselves as “transexual” instead of “transgender”, now they pretend to be shocked by the nazi reference? After what they were just saying about the fact that new members of the association cannot date old ones because of the “mentor in queer communities” dynamics and the imbalance of power that could ensue?

“Godwin already,” Courfeyrac sighs, “how original.”

“Is there a problem, Grantaire?”

Grantaire can’t help but smile upon realizing the one and only Enjolras, who their roommates have been lowkey bitching about for weeks, knows their name. (Lowkey bitching as in: they are aware Enjolras’ principles are needed, but they are so… tight… indeed they are. Sweet.)

“Well, I’m only here to see what’s going on but… like… your rule, like… consider this: not everyone’s gaydar always works… well, mine is excellent, but I tend to recognize people’s gayness before they do because self-erasure shit. That’s how I ended up barfing on my own new shoes and then walking three kilometers in them. Anyway… where was I… yes… no… just… are you aware that queer associations are way better than OkCupid for baby queers to find mates for the devil’s tango? You can’t take that away from them,” Grantaire objects, being way too long and messy to be convincing.

“There are other dating apps,” Prouvaire replies with their soft, deep voice, “I found one where you could also search for friends. Rad. I could give you the names.”

“Yes, we should definitely make a list of those,” comments Lesgle, Grantaire’s first roommate, “as a resource to share. It could come in handy. I’m dating three ace people at the moment. How on earth did I fall into that trap?! And two of them are long distance.”

“Too much information,” Bê, Grantaire’s second roommate, says, “but I’d like a list too.”

“Ok, I’ll add that for the next meeting,” mumbles Combeferre, writing it down already. 

“Why not during today’s meeting?” Joly asks. 

“Can we focus and settle the dating issue first though?” Combeferre replies.

“We’re gonna go late again,” Courfeyrac sighs dramatically. 

“Our association is not a speed-dating event,” Enjolras says coldly, their eyes fixed on Grantaire, “if you think it is, the door is open.”

“Maybe I should take it myself, I’m sorry, I’m gonna be late for the CJL meeting,” whispers Courfeyrac quickly. 

“I also have something with the NPA,” adds Combeferre.

Enjolras shrugs and they take it as an authorization to start leaving. Although Combeferre manages to keep taking notes. She sure manages a lot. 

“I just think,” Grantaire says, “that it’s counterproductive to have such rigid rules. Besides, it gives a weird image of the ABCD. Like as if you already had shit going on.”

“Well, to be honest, we had shit,” Hamid Saraj comments.

“And we’re not here to discuss it,” Enjolras asserts, “It’s not about making a secret of it, of course, it’s about priorities. Let’s vote. Do we all agree with the rule Courfeyrac suggested?”

They all nod, except Grantaire who comments, “I’m no member, I have no say.” 

Again, Enjolras’ cold look is on them and it’s worth all the provocations. Grantaire has just met the unofficial leader of the association and already, they know they want to “bother” them a lot. Enjolras is bigger than life. Tall, graceful, impressive, and so focused and tense they give the impression their head is about to explode at any second. Opposites attract. Grantaire is drawn to them. 

“If you’re not a member, why are you here?” Enjolras asks, but Grantaire knows it’s a rhetorical question. “Weren’t you going to join us?

“Well, I also live here, and my roommates told me you sometimes bring gluten free cookies and vegan brownies to these meetings, and I have a soft spot for those abominations.”

“It’d be a valid reason to join if you ask me,” Prouvaire says in such a soft voice it’s impossible to think it’s ironic. 

“Well, even if it was,” Grantaire adds, looking right at Enjolras, “I wouldn’t be able to hold myself back from dating. I mean, I’m pan so I’m attracted to everything and everything wants me, so this rule is cruel.”

Enjolras doesn’t look away but they don’t reply immediately either. And then Marius, the other potential new member, decides to talk and suddenly the moment is over: 

“I’m sorry… this might sound dumb, but I’m not sure of the difference between pansexual and bisexual? Maybe pansexual is better because it’s outside of the binary system and--”

Suddenly, all of the members of the ABCD start talking at the same time and Grantaire finds themselves deeply pleased by that. Chaos. They know they never want to join such a silly association (the name, les Ami·e·s de l’ABCD, is already so lame; it’s a very bad pun based on the ABCD de l’égalité, a failed attempt by the government at teaching gender equality in schools), but god, they appreciate the chaos! They feel blessed to host them again soon. For months, their roommates had told them about the association and Grantaire regrets not having come earlier. Well, they won’t have to go very far now; without an association headquarters for now, they’re going to meet regularly at Lesgle, Bê, and Grantaire’s apartment. 

Marius, on the other hand, isn’t so happy about it. Well, she’s actually panicked by the outburst she accidentally caused and leaves the room as discreetly as she can, quickly followed by Combeferre and Courfeyrac. After loud endless talk on the difference between bi and pan, finally, only Lesgle, Bê, Grantaire and Enjolras remain, the last to leave. Grantaire rolls a spliff, watching them putting their Docs on.

“You should join us,” Enjolras says to Grantaire. “You obviously enjoy debates.” 

“I wouldn’t say that’s what I enjoyed,” Grantaire replies carelessly. “Besides, I want to date you.”

“Too bad,” Enjolras says very calmly, not the least troubled by this very direct invitation in front of Grantaire’s two roommates. 

“What does that mean?” Grantaire asks.

“It means neither of us will get what they want today. I’ll see you two next week!” They say to Lesgle and Bê. “The first meeting is always obnoxious, but next time will be easier and we’ll tackle real issues. At least, I dare to hope.”

They close the door behind them. 

“It never gets easier, if you want to know,” says Bê. 

And indeed, it doesn’t. After trying to listen to their endless debates a few times without even a single gluten-free cookie as compensation, Grantaire decides they don’t want to stick to the ABCD meetings so much… despite the fact that Enjolras is still a very… interesting figure and that they actually like to listen to them. And provoke them. Enjolras also quickly loses their patience with Grantaire. At first, they listened to them a bit, but their attitude is now to mostly ignore anything Grantaire dares to say. “Not easier, certainly, but interesting, always,” Grantaire thinks. Because Enjolras has a bad habit of pontificating, but they always manage to make Grantaire rethink their view. And it’s both exhausting and enjoyable, awful and nice. They find themselves waiting for the meetings with impatience but when they come, they mostly end up irritated by everyone and they leave the apartment to go watch the ducks in the nearby pond while smoking pot. 

“You should slow down on that,” Lesgle says to Grantaire one day as they clean the room before the meeting while Grantaire, supposedly helps them by wiping off dust with the sleeves of their coat, spreading the ashes of their spliff in the process. 

“Why? It helps me focus.”

“On what? You just lost your last job… because they found you smoking in the stock room,” says Bê, who’s in the kitchen, finally making the vegan brownies Grantaire has been hoping for for months. 

“On finding a new job and not getting caught there,” Grantaire replies.

“What if I told you Enjolras told us to check in on you because, at your level of spliffs, you probably have more weed than red cells in your blood,” says Lesgle.

Grantaire smiles to themself and doesn’t answer. Enjolras is concerned about them. How precious. Lesgle chases them from their spot to clean properly: 

“If you’re not helping, at least get out of the way,” she says, exasperated. 

“I can vacuum if you want.”

“Yes. But don’t try to vacuum your own hair this time. We know it won’t look good.”

“You know people do worse stuff with vacuum cleaners! Someone told me a dude tried to…”

“I told you that story,” Bê says, stepping out of the kitchen. “And I don’t want to hear it right now while I’m cooking!

Grantaire shrugs and goes to fetch the vacuum cleaner from the bathroom. Despite living a bit outside of Paris (which annoys most members of the ABCD, who would rather meet _ intra muros, _ but they don’t have a headquarters at the moment, and no one’s apartment is big enough and their old headquarters, the Café Musain, is getting more expensive with gentrification), their apartment is still pretty tiny for three people and they have to put stuff on top of one another. Grantaire must step on the toilet seat to reach the shelf which houses the vacuum cleaner. In the process, alas, their joint falls in the water. “Shit!” Grantaire says and they hurt their head on the shelf, which brings forth lots of little brothers and sisters for this first swear word. They have their head buried in the toilet bowl to try finding the joint, which, of course, sunk deep down inside it, when the one and only Enjolras opens the door on them. 

“Man. What a sight,” they say dryly. 

“Hey,” Grantaire answers after having hurt their head again on the lid, “I’m among my peers.”

“What are you hoping to find there?”

“My dignity,” Grantaire attempts with an awkward chuckle. 

“It’s weed, isn’t it?”

“Well… after I dry it, it will be again? You can’t reproach me with my heroic rescue! This costs money. I’m being very pragmatic right now.”

“What about slowing down on weed?”

“Your concern touches me, but I have a medical condition,” replies Grantaire, finally reaching what they think is the holy spliff before realizing, with a disgust they try to hide, that it isn’t. 

“Tell me about it.”

“Melancholia,” Grantaire replies with a wince, finally taking the risk of pulling something out of the water...here it is! They wrap it in toilet paper.

“You know we all suffer from the same disease,” Enjolras tells Grantaire as they pass by, coming way too close to them to reach the door. “It’s called ‘the human condition under a capitalist patriarchal system.’” 

“Nice. Well, too bad most of us can’t afford good insurance. Weed remains. If you excuse me, I have medical care to dispense,” Grantaire answers, awkwardly stepping out of the tiny room.

“Grantaire, you just dived into a toilet to fetch wet weed!” Enjolras says. “What about finding another occupation?” 

“I have nothing to prove,” Grantaire replies, trying to grab the little dignity remaining in them. 

Well, this is humiliating. They lock themselves in their room after fetching the hairdryer from the bathroom. Hopefully, Lesgle won’t mind them using it for that. They shouldn’t care though, they decide, they shouldn’t care about what Enjolras thinks of them or not, they should just appreciate the fact they care…

Is it caring or is it just pontificating though? Grantaire really doesn’t like sermons. Who does Enjolras think they are? Some sort of validating god? Well Grantaire doesn’t need one! They don’t need anyone to tell them what to do with their life. 

Why [do they] does Enjolras make them so angry?! They try to find more weed in the room. Nothing. Shit. They avoid the common room where the meeting is happening right now (Combeferre wrote a letter to signify to the university’s administration that their prioritization of other associations such as the Bridge Club (which totals two members) over Les Ami·e·s de l’ABCD could be seen as a very homophobic move on social networks.) Grantaire then manages to take a cig out of a random pocket of a random coat in the entryway and then leaves with a: 

“I’ll see you guys later if you’re still here; have a good meeting and save brownies for me!”

It’s raining outside and the ducks aren’t there. Shit. Grantaire manages to find shelter and someone with a lighter to help them with their cig at the bus stop. They try to calm themselves. Why are they so angry with Enjolras and the ABCD? It shouldn’t impact them so much. They don’t care about what they all think of them. Right? 

They sigh and grab their phone to stalk the ABCD on Twitter. This week, it’s Bê who livetweets the meeting and he punctuates every sentence with a gif of Manila Luzon. How is this occupation more important than Grantaire smoking weed? They sigh. Maybe they should actually try to find a job. Or start another first year in college. Or get involved in something. 

_ How are you today, Grantaire? _

Fuck. Who in…?! Oh. Grantaire realizes it’s only their therapy bot who checks in on them from time to time or tells them random sentences like, “you’re valid” or “you’re allowed to feel” or “you deserve good things.” Why did they download it again? Oh… probably that night they spent crying after having watched a Top Ten best moments of _ L’instit _. Pathetic. Well, it served a purpose for a while, but now it’s time to get rid of it. It’s taking up way too much space on their phone. 

_ Take an insider perspective on your life and consider what brings you happiness and pride and what is a source of discomfort and misery. Then you can work to keep the things that fit into the first category and get rid of those that fit in the second. _

It’s such generic advice. Anybody could receive it. It’s ridiculous. 

But still… Grantaire finds themselves thinking about it without noticing. What gives them happiness and pride… erm…for happiness, maybe that vloger who tells cringy stories about food or that _My Little Pony_ fanfiction where Applejack is a hairy transgender werepony… or gifs of ducks… and ducklings… and ducks in general. Now pride… what is there to be proud of?... “I have nothing to prove”... tssk, yeah, if your standards are measured in degrees of failure. 

Now what brings them discomfort and misery?… well the lack of money and purpose probably. But what is life anyway? Isn’t purpose a way to blind oneself from the inexorable death awaiting them at the end of the road anyway? As Pascal said when they studied him in high school, everything is a distraction from it. And isn’t money in itself a distraction? 

And in any case, those lacks are hard to get rid of. Grantaire sighs again. What a shitty life. 

But maybe… they could find something more concrete. What brings them joy and pride… well… maybe… they smile to themselves, maybe the fact that Enjolras remembers their name and mentions them in between meetings is something they can be proud of. Enjolras is someone they admire and if they notice them… well… 

Fuck… but they’re not royalty! What is it with that submissive attitude? Tssk, their happiness can’t depend on just “people”. Like, they endured that with their parents, there’s no way they’re going back there.

And now what about what they want to get rid of? Maybe… They look at the cigarette which is less than one centimeter long at this point. Maybe… if they could live without that… and weed. Like, it’s expensive. And probably bad for their health, yeah and…

But it’s Enjolras who suggested they slow down on weed. How irritating! Still… well, they need to see things clearer. They look around as if someone could care about what they’re about to do and click on the little “personalized advice option” button. They type it quickly, trying to fit as much information as they can in just one question: “I’m a bit lost, I wanted to follow that Marie Kondo advice of only keeping stuff that sparks joy but I’m not exactly sure of what I want and if I’m following someone blindly because I lack self esteem.” They send and pay for an answer with their mother’s paypal account. It comes quickly: 

_ Hi Grantaire, thanks for using Myonlinetherapist. Lack of self esteem is hard to overcome, but if the person you're talking about makes you feel good about yourself, there’s no problem with following their advice. On the other hand, if you identify them as a source of your low self-esteem, then watch out and take some distance. What do you mean by “Marie Kondo advice of only keeping stuff that sparks joy”? Can you give me more details? _

And without noticing, Grantaire finds themselves spending more than a hundred euros in this little consultation. They pray their mother doesn’t notice and then remember that she won’t bother them anyway since she doesn’t have their phone number nor any idea of where her “daughter” is. The worst case would be that she changes her paypal password, but the money is already spent anyway. And it was of good use. Now, it’s decided; Grantaire is ready to stop weed and cigarettes. And since their therapist advised them to get a hobby to distract themselves, they’re gonna find one. It all comes back to distraction. And while Grantaire’s skeptical self is well aware stopping weed and cigarettes isn’t that simple and it won’t solve their existential problems or help them magically regain self worth, they also know that they need to think of something else right now. Weed makes their mind too clear now. Maybe stopping it and then thinking only about it will help them? In any case, they’re up for a challenge. Now for an occupation to stop thinking about weed . . .

When they reach the apartment, the last members of the ABCD are leaving. Prouvaire (whose coat Grantaire identifies as the one where the cig comes from) tells them they left some vegan gluten-free cookies for them as well on top of Bê’s brownies. Guilt hits Grantaire in the stomach but they promise themselves to make up for this. Maybe they’ll come see one of Prouvaire’s concerts they keep inviting them to. Yes… and they’ll buy them a drink. Just casually. Just a beer during happy hour! It was just one cig. And cookies… 

As they get rid of their wet coat, Grantaire can hear some voices from the common room. 

“So can we keep it here for now?” Enjolras asks Lesgle. 

“No worries. I forgot we even had it. Do you plan to do something with it?

“It feels useless now that everybody has decent image quality on their smartphones, but we were thinking of filming demonstrations or meetings… and then it never happened,” Enjolras explains. 

“Well… we’ll find some use for it. We could ask for suggestions at the next meeting.”

Grantaire enters the room and sees that they’re talking about a very tiny camera on a stick. A gopro. Isn’t it bourgeois to own such a thing? The only use they know for such cameras is surfing, skiing, and other expensive bourgeois sports videos. 

“What is that?” they ask.

“What we did with last year’s subvention before we knew we’d need money to rent a headquarters,” Enjolras says with a very light wince. “And we won’t receive any money before next month. Until then, we’ll keep meeting here, I’m afraid. Sorry for the inconvenience. Wish me luck for jumping over the gate in the subway. It would be too expensive to come here if I were to actually pay for transportation.” 

Grantaire can’t help but smile at the idea of the intransigent Enjolras leaping like a grasshopper over the subway gate. 

“Good luck,” they say, watching them leave.

Then they start eating cookies while watching Lesgle as she puts the Gopro in an old metal biscuit box where they keep cables and chargers. Grantaire hope they don’t look too interested in the Gopro because they just had an idea. 

_ _

_Grantaire mimicking Enjolras frowning in their first vlog._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you enjoy this chapter? Well we gotta thank @goodguyjean for helping my French ass with editing it.  
Comments would be most appreciated but thanks for reading anyway :)!  
Now, you should check the Youtube Channel grantairezemiserable (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtgN3T9dOMdP2Xoxi5OQotw), there are already two vlogs on it and they were shot right after the events of this chapter. This fanfiction will be updated every Sunday. See you next week!


	3. Chapter 2: Ironic Creep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Grantaire finds a new home and Enjolras is judgy.

“So… I guess I have to give you my condolences for what happened on _Queens of the Hills_. It’s all over _Tumblr_.”

Again, Grantaire’s sentence is followed by a deadly silence. But they don’t notice it at first. No. They continue.

“I mean, Flash Cock-Rough wasn’t exactly my favorite from the little I knew but considering the altar you and Bê have for her, I guess she was the character you liked most. Well… Bummer … no more Cock-Rough in the show. The dynasty is now officially extinct. And I guess… they chose the worst moment to make it happen, right?”

At this instant, Bê comes back from taking out the trash. He stops at the entrance and shares a look with Lesgle. Grantaire, who was very carelessly washing the dishes, leaving traces of food everywhere, faces them and realizes what is going on. 

Which doesn’t prevent them from pursuing: 

“Just after Moula Lisa confessed her love to her, after years of being nemesis. Seems like they wasted an opportunity at pleasing the fans and canonizing an ‘enemy to lovers’ trope. If you ask me, this never happens in real life.”

And weirdly… this is the last drop needed to push both Lesgle and Bê to make the decision they avoided making until then. They start screaming at the same time. They always wait three days after the show’s latest episode airs to watch it with Joly. What was Grantaire thinking? This is really too much. Grantaire is the worst possible roommate. They don’t pay rent regularly; smoke indoors, spreading ashes at every corner; leave that mop of a coat (among other disgusting clothes) everywhere; they destroyed the toilets four days ago and didn’t even clean up after. They just ran away. And now, they’re carelessly spoiling their favorite show. As they scream, Grantaire adds spoiler after spoiler, relishing the chaos that they cause. 

And then they’re pushed outside of the door with only their backpack and shoes. Lesgle throws the mop coat at them, which actually hurts a bit because the buttons are metal. It takes a few minutes for Grantaire to realize what’s just happened. Why? They were quitting weed and cigarettes… and getting better! For real. And Grantaire has a few subscribers now. And even comments on the Youtube Channel (Grantairezemiserable) they opened to distract themselves from smoking, following their online therapist’s advice. And their roommates noticed they didn’t smoke anymore and complimented them just yesterday. It was getting better. And then...and then…they said “bon débarras”... well...

They check in their bag. At least the gopro is still there. If they want them out… well, they’re out. And for good! They decide. Grantaire doesn’t need them after all! They just need a gopro to give their new subscribers what they want. 

“I’m sorry, bro, we’re already three humans, three cats, ten rats, and a dog in an apartment meant for two,” says Gavroche when Grantaire calls him to ask if they can crash.

“Even just for a night?”

“Well… you can try the bathtub like last time, but these days Javel is nervous and she tends to take dumps there.”

“Well… thanks for the offer. I’ll consider it if I have nothing by the end of the day.”

_ _

_ Grantaire spotting Marius during their third vlog. _

“What about apologizing?” Marius asks when Grantaire tells her the whole story after meeting her randomly during the shooting of their vlog. 

Hearing these words, Grantaire can’t help but laugh. Marius is so naive. 

“What?” Marius asks. “Is it so unreasonable?

“Listen to yourself!” Grantaire exclaims. “Why should I apologize! It’s a stupid show!”

“Because it’s important to them.”

“You’re being naive.”

“And you’re being mean. Do you want to take the bed or the futon?”

“Don’t ask, I’m a soulless selfish soul,” Grantaire replies. “Of course I want the bed but…”

“Too late!”

And before Grantaire can raise any objection, Marius is laying on the futon she set out to host them.

“Are you aware how huge a favor you’re doing me?” Grantaire asks. 

“Well, you told me it was for [a] one night, just to let your roommates calm down. I have no problem sharing. People helped me so much when I was kicked out of my grandfather’s house. Actually, Courfeyrac hosted me for almost a month. A month! It was so sweet of them!”

“Well, I sure won’t stay a month,” Grantaire replies with a chuckle, crossing their fingers. 

“Ahah, I don’t expect you to!” Marius laughs. “No offence, but I bet you’re pretty complicated to live with.”

Even that was a euphemism and Grantaire was fully aware of it. The first day, they remain in bed till four in the afternoon. Avoiding thinking about everything they should do and furiously missing smoking. When is it supposed to stop, again? They just go around the neighbourhood looking at the ground to see if anyone has dropped a cig or a spliff. Alas, they only find cigs. No spliffs. Then, they get back to their bed and burrito in the blanket. When Marius comes back, they’re playing games on Facebook like an Internet Mom. 

“I knew I’d find you doing that, you sent Courfeyrac twelve invitations. They were pretty irritated by it.”

Courfeyrac still has Facebook. Probably to stay in touch with their family, who seem to be very… religious. Very as in “not in a good way”. _ If there’s such a thing as a good way to be catholic _, Grantaire thinks, being an atheist themself, obviously.

“I’m running away from my guilt and feeling of emptiness,” Grantaire explains. 

“I guess expressing it and admitting it to yourself is the first step on the road to self-acceptance so, congratulations,” says Marius with a terrifying sincerity. 

Grantaire blinks. They seek the slightest trace of sarcasm on Marius’s face. Nothing. Of course. She’s such a pure child. 

“So… how is Courfeyrac? And Hamid Saraj?”

They study with Marius. That’s how they met. 

“Well, they’re okay. They didn’t mentioned you, if that’s your worry, so I didn’t tell them you were with me. But maybe I will if they worry about you.”

“They don’t care about me,” Grantaire replies. 

But maybe about their Gopro? Well, they weren’t exactly using it… so… probably they haven’t noticed it’s gone yet. Speaking of which, Grantaire takes Marius’ laptop to check if they got any new comments on their first three vlogs. Not much response… yet. But still, responses are already something, right? Well, actually it is pretty huge to Grantaire. “If I were to invite my subscribers over to this place, only less than half of them would fit in it.

Still, when Grantaire watches more popular channels, they cringe at how small they are. If these people aren’t even acknowledged by mainstream media, how are they supposed to get their revenge on every bully they ever encountered by becoming hideously famous? Maybe they should start singing. Then someone would notice them and they’d get rich and be envied by everyone. Except they’re not exactly Lady Gaga in _ A Star is Born _. And even then, it didn’t seem very believable. 

And meanwhile, they’re still jobless, appartmentless and a mess. 

Maybe it could be the title of a song. Grantaire spends five minutes trying to write it before realizing it’s hard. They need to train their singing first and so, they convince Marius to start a Youtube Karaoke night. 

“Not too late,” Marius says. “I have class tomorrow and Courfeyrac invited me over for a party so I’ll be up late.” 

A party… 

Potential free booze and weed!

Of course, Grantaire manages to get invited by Courfeyrac, and of course, the karaoke lasts till around 2 AM when a neighbour hits the walls, screaming at them. Marius winces. 

“It’s Thénardier. He’s… well… we shouldn’t get him angry... but I guess also… like… it’s sometimes four of them in around the same amount of space as me, and I don’t consider myself excessively rich.”

Marius lives inside Paris… so that she can walk to every place she needs to go because transportation is expensive. She made her calculations and lives on her heritage for now since she’s an orphan (that is very Dickensian). Since she didn’t plan to be kicked out by her grandfather, she didn’t have the time to get a CROUS room provided by the university. She’s on the waiting list. For now, her apartment is a highly overpriced little nest under the roof with shared toilets at the end of the hall. The building is old, and some people under them seem to be pretty bourgeois, but Marius’ room is… awfully small and dirty and not easy to occupy. The bed is diagonal, and there’s a tiny shelf put on a small IKEA table that’s vomiting books everywhere. She’s decorated everything with cute plushies, little crafted creatures with glitters and light letters. Grantaire feels like a rude bear in a tiny tea party. The shower comes out of the wall like a random expansion and everything gets wet whenever someone wants to be clean. At least Grantaire didn’t use it today. 

They finally get to bed and the next day, out of guilt, Grantaire tags along with Marius to print a few CVs at La Sorbonne. Then, they get into the university’s library. They avoid the controls and pass for a student. Last year, they were still one. Or was it the year before? Are they going bald like Joly? When they touch the bottom of their head, Grantaire can feel it somehow. Maybe it’s because they didn’t wash though. It’s greasy. 

Trying to not think about smoking (so many students were smoking outside AAH!) They check jobs online and then they find new kink prompts on a fanfiction list and since it involves tentacles, of course, they spend a few hours scrolling endlessly to the depths of indecency. Then they realize they received a few new comments on their last vlog and type answers without posting them because they want to remain mysterious. Someone asked to go to Les Jardins du Luxembourg though. It’s good Grantaire decided to involve their audience by making them suggest new locations for the vlog. They’ve been reading advice on how to keep people entertained and involved on Youtube. It seems to work. Doesn’t it? Well, their audience is growing in any case. It’s not massive by any means, but it’s big. Isn’t it?

Why do they care? They realize they won’t make a living out of it and go back to a list of jobs. These will pay for cigarettes and weed! Not the fucking "Youtube money". But… everything seems like a punishment from hell here. This is depressing. They send a few CV and half-assed motivation letters (Hi, I’d love to clean toilets for money because at least I’d get money even though it’s clearly not enough). Then they get themselves into a guilt cycle because they actually don’t clean toilets and some people, like mostly women of color, do, and they fight for decent wages and protection and people talk about it on Twitter sometimes, but it’s been months and nothing seems to change. 

Marius finds them when it’s time to party. Grantaire is actually pretty excited. They come and join Courfeyrac and Hamid Saraj. When the latter asks why Marius and Grantaire are together, they answer before Marius that it was just because they needed to print some CVs. They don’t exactly want the ABCD to know where they are. 

After having checked again that Bê, Lesgle and Enjolras won’t be there tonight (great for the first two, too bad for the third one...although maybe it’s not that bad because, again, Grantaire’s hair is greasy). On their way to the docks where they’ll stay for the first part of the night before gathering at Courfeyrac’s gigantic apartment nearby when it gets too cold, they buy some food, expecting people to bring more. Of course, Grantaire eats most of crisps on the way. They can’t smoke, they do what they can. And it’s pepper and goat cheese crisps. These are like, treasures. Only people like Courfeyrac buy crisps that sophisticated. 

At the party, there are some people who study law and are “de droite”. Courfeyrac is way less sarcastic around them than in the ABCD, but Grantaire can read their face easily and they sometimes roll their eyes or just blink in that “oh, god no” way. Hamid Saraj starts debates with people in a very ponderate voice, but they’re stubborn and the debates are as endless as they are sterile. Marius is, as always, sweet and understanding and doesn’t say much. She seems a bit shy around strangers. “I’m afraid of looking dumb,” she whispers to Grantaire at some point. This is cute. Actually. 

Prouvaire is also at the party. Grantaire has a soft spot for them. They’re chill. They play guitar and after an ironic _ Wonderwall _ and an even more ironic _ Creep _ (Grantaire sings both because, of course, they know them by heart), they start bloody anarchist songs (Grantaire doesn’t know them, but they nod). 

Also, Prouvaire hands Grantaire some weed. They don’t smoke cigarettes anymore, but they vape. It’s still nice. Also, Combeferre gives Grantaire a cigarette with a, “Weren’t you supposed to quit?” To which Grantaire replies with a wink, “You can’t refuse a gift.” Combeferre shrugs. “You asked for it. Also, Bê told me to say ‘hi’ and to ask you when you’re coming back.” 

The good and peaceful feeling Grantaire got from the weed and nicotine is abruptly spoiled. This is a cold shower. 

“Never,” they reply. 

“Well, I don’t think they’ll mind that much,” comments Combeferre, “which I understand. I mean, we should obviously take care of one another and you’re as much of a victim of the system as everyone around, but you’re… not the ideal roommate.”

“Euphemism,” comments Courfeyrac, scrolling on their phone (they didn’t seem to listen until then). “Where do you even live at the moment?”

“How do you know I’m a bad roommate?” retorts Grantaire, trying to regain their peace in the smoke and carefully avoiding to answer Courfeyrac’s question. 

“Come on guys, this isn’t nice,” says Prouvaire.

“It’s justice,” comments Hamid Saraj, “considering they spoiled _Queens of the Hills_.”

“Bê and Lesgle asked us for advice on how to deal with you.”

As they identify the voice, Grantaire jumps and instinctively puts their hand to their head to check how greasy it is (their fingers get stuck in it). In the dim light of the city reflected on the dark Seine, Enjolras stands before them. How can every appearance they make be so theatrical?

“Hey, nice you could come, Courfeyrac says,” holding out a can of beer, which they refuse. 

Ascetic. Of course, they don’t drink. 

“What did you tell them?” asks Grantaire, gulping.

“To do what they can and not feel guilty if they can’t accept everything. And also, that we could also help you if you ask for that help,” Enjolras says, calmly pouring themselves some tea from their thermos.

“Because you think I need help?” Grantaire asks.

Nobody says a word. Grantaire feels really ashamed. And then, they realize they shouldn’t care about the ABCD’s opinion and grab a beer to drink it as theatrically as they can. Except the first bottle they put their hand on is empty. But not the second. 

“Fuck, you’re so judgy,” they say to Enjolras. 

Enjolras raises their eyebrows. 

“I don’t judge you,” they object before sipping. 

“AH! The way you say it itself is so judgy! You’re not even aware of it.” 

“I’m not judgy. I’m just stating facts. Your attitude is problematic and you’re not doing yourself nor your roommates any favors.”

“All I hear is judgement.”

Enjolras turns to face the few members of the ABCD gathered around Prouvaire: 

“Do you think I’m judgy?”

Again, nobody says a word. In the background, Marius lets out a nervous giggle that surprises even her and she starts apologizing over and over when she realizes it isn’t a joke. 

“Well,” Enjolras says with a wince, “I’ll… work on it.”

And they look at Grantaire again. Grantaire smiles. 

“That look is so judgy. It says, ‘Unlike a certain person.’”

“Well, you have to admit you’re not the most hardworking person,” Prouvaire says with a benevolent and really not-judgy smile.

“Which… is a good thing,” Enjolras says, which seems to cost them a lot. “I mean… under a capitalist system, the notion of work becomes a way to oppress people by associating ethically meaningless labour to moral values which divert us from the fact that we’re exploited by…”

And then, Combeferre objects to something about the words Enjolras uses because they’re not so precise, and the law people around start talking over them because they’re bored. But, those people don’t stay with them when they leave the docks and only members of the ABCD or the CJL (the other queer organisation Courfeyrac is a part of) go to Courfeyrac’s apartment. 

“How can you have so much space so close to la Seine?” Hamid Saraj asks with amazement. 

“My grandmother died with a good sense of timing,” Courfeyrac replies.

Sadly, Enjolras leaves the party soon. It’s expected. It’s a miracle they even came by because they’re pretty much the exact opposite of a “party person”, as Courfeyrac explains. But their words sink in, and Grantaire decides to be efficient and start discussing job prospects with people around. Some guys from the CJL mention a job in a sex shop. 

Interesting. Seems like hell but with fun stories to tell. Sex is fun from a distance. 

When they come back home (leaving the party at the same time with a group of CJL members), Marius seems a bit dreamy. She looks really tired. And a bit drunk. And melancholic. 

“You know, tomorrow will be the day I… well…”

She seems really self aware and embarrassed all of the sudden. She leans against the dark glass of the subway train’s window. 

“What?” Grantaire says, “the day you what?

“What?”

“What is tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow is a day off,” she mumbles, “so I’ll go wander… at les jardins du Luxembourg. Like every time…”

Les Jardins du Luxembourg! Brilliant. 

“Can I tag along?”

“Yeah? No… Why?”

“Just to keep you company?”

Marius hesitates but she’s too nice to refuse. Grantaire smiles to themself. This is great! They’re gonna solve Marius’ mystery AND make a brand new vlog following their viewers idea. Yes, living with Marius is definitely a good idea. 

So, to thank her for giving them potential Youtube material, Grantaire helps her lay down on her own bed and takes the futon that night. 

_ _

_ Grantaire and Marius in Les Jardins du Luxembourg. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to goodguyjean again for checking my English! This chapter happens right between vlogs 3 and 4 that Grantaire published on their Youtube Channel grantairezemiserable this week (in which you can see Marius interpreted by the wonderful Dee).  
Grantaire's spleen is still pretty intense isn't it? Don't forget you can follow them on Twitter (@hellomesamis) and Instagram (@grantairezemiserable). They make some extra jokes and you'll see glimpses of Marius' apartment and also the amazing memes CreepiKat made based on the fourth video. Also, I just published a meta about my choice of Grantaire as the protagonist of ZeVlogofaMisérable on the Tumblr (https://zevlogofamiserable.tumblr.com). I'll try to publish long meta regularly about the creation of this transmedia fic.  
This chapter was another occasion to display the ABC's group dynamics and to show Enjolras' little weaknesses because they aren't perfect, far from it! But they try to work on themself. And so does Grantaire.  
Also, here are many Chekhov's rifles you'll hear about in a bit :)


	4. Chapter 3: Naivety and Blind spots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Grantaire meets Eponine, barfs, gets a job and kicks themself out.

_ Marius and Grantaire in Grantaire's fifth vlog _

“So… how long have you been stalking that lovely lady?” Grantaire asks Marius as they eat the weird mixture mug cake they made in the microwave out of the remains of Marius’ pantry. 

“I’m not talking with you about that,” Marius says with a pout, “you’re already lucky I let you put the video online! Also you stole my bubble tea!”

“I’ll buy you something next time we’re out, I promise.” 

“With what money?” Marius asks, raising her eyebrows. 

Grantaire winces. Good question. Well… they have an interview in two days for that job at the sex shop. But it’s not as if they were gonna be paid right away. Grantaire sighs… they wish they could make money on the Internet easily but the only way to do it would be to... to what? Learn how to play video games properly. Maybe they could beg… they stop themselves right away. They’re on the street out of stupid pride… and they’re not even on the street. It would be indecent… right? Although, is there such a big difference between them and the people on the “other side”?

They’ve met a young man named Eponine who sometimes sleeps outside in the area around Marius’ apartment when his father is too shitty with him. Grantaire befriended him because he’s always in the hallway, playing his music, whistling, singing, and asking after a Marius who's never there. "We're just friends," Marius says. Sometimes they share dinner. He's a cis-man though, maybe it's less dangerous for him to live outside…

_ Eponine appears on Grantaire's Instagram (and he consented!) @grantairezemiserable _

In any case, Marius shares things without resenting it while she doesn’t have much. Grantaire would like to pay her back… 

Their mother’s paypal account! Grantaire suddenly remembers. It is still usable, she has so much money she hasn’t noticed yet! And you can pay for some stuff using it… like with their card shenanigans! Now, that’s an idea! Also, their mother can’t resent them for using her money to behave properly. They’re doing their best. 

Their phone Internet is also paid with it… which is needed to search for a job! And that pair of shoes… but come on, you gotta have proper shoes to find a job!

“I’ll get you something,” Grantaire claims, “I can even get us pizza right now.”

“I don’t know what you’re up to,” Marius says, wrinkling her nose with suspicious eyes, “but that ersatz of a recipe we made is not edible. Do you mind if we switch pizza with sushi? I can’t digest mozzarella.”

“You’re such a hipster.”

“Because I have lactose intolerance?”

Their generation is so fucked up, Grantaire doesn’t know a single soul whose stomach isn’t the source of endless discomfort. They’ve been breastfed radioactive juice. This is depressing. 

“Ok, well, order what you want here and use this paypal,” Grantaire says, writing the information down.

Marius looks at the paper but doesn’t dare ask whose Paypal it is. Grantaire manages to finish their infamous mugcake themself… out of guilt and an experimental curiosity, mostly. Marius doesn’t have toilets they can ruin, so they end up barfing in the hall. 

“Should I really order sushi?” Marius asks. “Will you be ok?”

“I’ll be great! Don’t worry about me,” Grantaire says with a smile, wiping off the vomit from the corner of their mouth. 

In fact, the fresh smell of the sushi is no torment for their stomach and Marius gives them tea. 

“You know,” Marius says, “I know I should be more careful about the way I manage my money… Courfeyrac pays for me so often also. I’m really ashamed of myself. But… like… I’ve been used to just… going to get what pleases me, so I alternate between not eating anything and eating way too fancy. I’m mad.”

“You do what you can,” Grantaire replies. 

“You too.”

There’s a silence and it’s almost too… intimate and nice, so Grantaire ruins it: 

“Now, what about the lovely lady? I paid for sushi! You have to tell me more about her!”

“Your mother paid,” objects Marius who can definitely put two and two together, “and I won’t talk to you about it. You think love is a matter to laugh at.”

“Isn’t it? It’s absurd when we look at it that we spend so much time hoping to reach a mythical connection that is only the cultural remains of our urge to reproduce for the subsistence of the species.”

“Is it the reason why you act the way you act around Enjolras? The ‘cultural remains of our… uh… urge to reproduce?’”

“Enjolras is different,” Grantaire replies, looking at Marius with gravity. “They’re beyond all of that.”

And then, they burst out laughing. What are they saying? It’s ridiculous. Enjolras is just… they’re so beautiful and unattainable and impressive and cold and annoying, but also pretty adorable when you manage to trouble their iron mind. What does Grantaire want from them? They’re not even sure themself, they just appreciate being around and challenging them. And… well, mostly to be challenged themselves. Even though it’s also very very very irritating. 

“See, you’re laughing! Everything is a joke to you,” Marius says with a soft smile. She pats Grantaire’s head. “But I like that about you. It’s better to laugh than cry!”

That could be Grantaire’s epitaph… or the name of their sex tape. Both, both is good. 

The following day, Grantaire notices that Marius received a few nice comments on their vlog. People find her very cute. That list of advice on how to Youtube worked indeed! Doing collaborations and having friends in your vlogs is a way to awaken the audience. Sweet. Swell. The taste of success. Except there aren’t so many subscribers… yet. 

Grantaire isn’t the kind to get discouraged and they invite Marius to join them in their [following] next vlog. Actually, she seems to enjoy playing with the camera as well. She comes out as very friendly and sweet. Lovely. That’s the word. As Grantaire checks what they filmed before updating, they start comparing. “I bet Marius would have way more success than me if she was to post videos on her own. She should do make-up tutorials and start a patreon or whatever. People would give her money to buy Bubble Teas”. 

_ _

_ A comment underlining Marius' cute face posted by Mauzeah _

Grantaire lays on their bed and ask themselves when Bubble Teas started being a trend in Paris. Last year, there weren't so many of them. And now, they’re literally everywhere. EVERYWHERE. What do people find so appealing in Bubble Teas? The Tapioca is chewy and it’s way too sugary. (Grantaire is more of a crisps person). As they go through this metaphysical reflection, they're interrupted by a knock on the door. They come to check. 

“Is Marius here?” Eponine asks, peering in from the doorway.

“Sorry… no. She's in class.”

“Okay, I’ll be next door.”

“With Thénardier?” 

Grantaire is perplexed, what is the shy, tall, pale guy that faces them doing with the man with the mean voice who hits the wall whenever they dare to be a little loud? 

“Yes, I’m his son… I'll...I'll come back later.”

That explains a lot of things. But is he blushing? As they watch him leave, Grantaire wonders if Marius is aware of the effect she has on him. Too bad… She likes someone else. They text Marius and of course she's totally oblivious. They persist and end up almost forgetting their interview for the sex job and arrive there half an hour too late. Luckily, their future new boss seems to like jokes: 

“I was fapping… you know how it goes.” 

“That’s the spirit.”

That’s also what he says when Grantaire answers “what is your motivation”? 

“I find sex fascinating and I’m eager to interact with humans in a sexual context without actually having sex with them.” 

And when he asks Grantaire what they do, if they have another job, studies, Grantaire says, almost ironically: 

“No. My life is empty and meaningless and I’m all yours.” 

And of course, the ex-future-new boss answers: 

“That’s the spirit.”

Mmh… why does it smell like a trap? Grantaire doesn’t let themself think about it more. No time to reflect on their condition of being a bug under the foot of an almighty boss. They need money. 

Maybe they could even refund their mother by sending her money on Paypal. 

Grantaire makes a quick calculation. Nope. Not likely. 

But as a reward for getting a job, they allow themselves to grab the little bits of cigarettes they find on the street and manage to light and smoke them all by asking people. They stay at the entrance of the subway for a bit. That’s where people throw their cigarettes. And someone even throws a joint… it’s not weed, alas, it’s shit. Still. A delight in the desert. A good hour passes by before Grantaire decides to come back at Marius’. 

When they arrive they find Courfeyrac sitting on the corner of the table: 

“You’re not being reasonable, Marius, I have enough space for the both of us at my apartment. And even more people! You could pay a symbolic rent but like… there’s no shame if you don’t. I didn’t exactly deserve or earned what I have, nor did you deserve this place and ASSHOLE NEIGHBOURS,” they say without screaming but loudly enough. 

“Again, I really appreciate it, but I can’t accept. I want to manage things myself.” 

“Why are you all so stupidly proud? I have money to share! Let’s bite the hand that fed me! Geez, the only one who’s willing to do so is actually Grant…”

They interrupt themself, seeing Grantaire smiling behind the glass door (another absurdity of this apartment). 

“Hey comrades!”

“Hi Grantaire. Marius was telling me all about your Youtube Channel.”

Grantaire freezes but tries to act casually. After all, Marius hasn’t watched the vlogs in which she doesn’t appear. Ten minutes is long in Internet time. So, probably, Courfeyrac hasn’t watched them either and thus hasn’t seen Grantaire bragging about stealing their Gopro. Now, that would be awkward. They smile. 

“Yes?”

“It’s cool you have a project. That’s all. Maybe you can shoot stuff with me tomorrow. There’s a salon de thé I like near Bastille. It’s usually quiet.”

“Nice! A change of environment would certainly please the viewers!” Grantaire answers right away. 

Then, they become suspicious. What if… this is sketchy? 

And then, Courfeyrac wins them over with a: “Join me for lunch. It’s on me. You can come too, Marius.”

“Sorry… I’ll be… busy,” Marius answers with a nervous chuckle. “I’m supposed to meet and work together on that case with Hamid Saraj…”

Grantaire understands that she just doesn’t want to be paid for again. Tssk. Pride. It’s lucky they don’t have any. Or barely any. They have a thought for their roommates. Their apartment is nice. Sometimes, it lacks light but like…

There’s more than one room. Here, they’re prisoners together under the roofs of Paris. Grantaire has one last cigarette. After Courfeyrac leaves, they light it on Marius’ tiny children kitchen-sized camping oven, then, they climb on a chair to look through the skylight. From there, they see chimneys, rooftops, this stupid ugly Eiffel tower far away, and many pigeons. Sometimes even a cat. Those are nice. The sky is already orange and the shadows of the buildings appear very dark with just a line of gold. Paris is really a disturbing city to live in. So much cruelty. So much noise. So many people. So many walls of indifference and yet, this line of gold. 

Why do people like the Eiffel Tower so much? It’s just a massive phallic triangle. Meh. 

“Did you get the job?” Marius asks as they share the remains of sushi and the fancy pastries Courfeyrac brought to them. 

“I did.”

“And so… will you… erm…” 

“Leave soon? Yeah… I guess… Maybe when I get my first paycheck.” 

“Oh… ok.”

Marius is not so good at hiding her disappointment but she doesn’t say a thing. The poor child. The perspective of spending another month sharing such a tiny space with Grantaire seems really awful. Grantaire could understand but also… they left her the bed! And also, why doesn’t she accept Courfeyrac’s help? She’s being stupidly proud!

Well, it’s not as if they were an example to follow on that matter. Dammit! Yes, they’ll call their roommates. Eventually. 

Marius works till very late and since the light is on, Grantaire can’t manage to sleep. They also really badly want to smoke and it makes them grumpy. 

“What about that lady… maybe I can coach you to seduce her,” they say to Marius to distract themselves. 

“I’m working,” Marius replies. 

“But think about it! I’m gonna work in a sex shop! I’ll know everything about female pleasure!”

“I am female,” Marius objects. 

“Yes, and raised in a patriarchal society that represses your sexuality.”

“And the sex toy industry is supposed to free me? Grantaire, I’m serious. I need to work.”

Grantaire sighs. 

“Do you know her name?”

Marius blushes. 

“I… I… am working!”

Grantaire laughs. 

“I can’t believe it! You’re in love with a ghost!”

“It’s not… l...love! It’s interest! I’m not creepy! I just… she was wearing a Visual Kei T-shirt last month and I think I discovered I was a lesbian when I realized every japanese musician I had a crush on looked like a woman… and she often wears pink… and she has a hamster plushie on her bag… and…”

“You’re so creepy.”

The more Marius resists, the more amused Grantaire is. Is it cruel? They just… enjoy tormenting her. Is _ that _ cruel? They don’t really mind Marius’ attitude at all. They don’t find it that creepy or threatening, actually. It feels very high school-ish. She can’t overcome her shyness right now but she doesn’t feel entitled to the lady and she doesn’t follow her to her place or anything. So… 

“At least!” Marius finally says, “at least, I’m not bothering people I like!”

“What?”

“Me, your roommates, Enjolras; you can’t help but be awful with the people you appreciate and who appreciate you! You just can’t let people like you back.”

Grantaire frowns. It’s the stupidest sentence they’ve ever heard. 

“Because you think I like you?!”

Marius trembles. 

“I… have this… yes!”

“Geez, you’re even more naive than I thought!” Grantaire spits. “You really think I stay with you for the pleasure of your company?”

“I think it is partially the case and… you know what? You can leave if you want!”

“And I will.”

Grantaire stands up, realizes it’s three in the morning and the subway is closed, and then rolls on the other side of the futon, wrapping themself in their blanket. Shit. Grantaire realizes it’s too late to ask Marius if she’s serious when she says Enjolras likes them. Shit.

“I will leave! Tomorrow!”

And that’s indeed the first thing Grantaire does...

...when they wake up, around eleven while Marius is already away at class. They grab their stuff, put them in their old bag and leave the apartment, slamming the door, which, of course, gets Thénardier out of his apartment to scream at them. Grantaire takes it with philosophy and dignity. They’re used to being kicked out by now. Also, it smells strongly like weed inside Thénardier’s apartment. Weed and… other things. God… seems like there’s a full pharmacy inside! Why aren’t the walls isolating them from every noise he and his family make while that delicious smell is out of reach. Weird. 

They meet Eponine in the hall. He’s smoking a joint. It smells so nice and he offers them a puff. 

“You're leaving?”

“Yup.”

“Is Marius upstairs?” 

“Nope.” 

Grantaire closes the door behind them and checks their phone. They can have lunch with Courfeyrac, shoot a vlog and then, at the end of the afternoon, they’ll have to go work at the sex shop. It’s a night job mostly, so at least they won’t have to really find a place to sleep right away. They’ll be busy. 

On their way, they check the comments on their last vlog as well and notice one from an old friend they met during their third first year (French literature this time, the two previous first years being medicine and history). Rémus posted: 

_ Hey G. I know you can hear so that’s why I comment but I won’t repeat. A revolution if extreme right gets the power? That’s such a naive thing to say! And it comes from your privileges! I’d be in real danger if it happens, are you even aware of that? There’s no joke to make. Besides, Hamon is one of the few decent-ish white cis dudes in politics. But the Fillon gif is gold. A classic! _

Ok… ok… well… Grantaire sits in the subway leading him to République to meet Courfeyrac. Yes… the Fillon gif is gold, but they feel punished. This comment is a slap. And then they try getting over the shitty feeling. Rémus commented. She usually doesn’t trouble herself because she’s waaaaay over this shit. They should feel flattered by the time she’s dedicating to educate them. Besides, looking like a fool saying shit is their brand, right? 

They soon arrive at the café indicated by Courfeyrac. It’s so… bohème… and not that fancy but still… they eat silently, Courfeyrac checking their phone and nodding most of the time. Then, Grantaire dares to ask if they can shoot a vlog. 

“Yes… we came here for that,” Courfeyrac says, “didn’t we?”

And they watch Grantaire take the Gopro out of their bag. Yes… the Gopro… but there are tons of Gopros. It could be anyone’s Gopro. Right?

_ Courfeyrac and Grantaire in Grantaire's sixth vlog _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey again. Goodguyjean, who edits this fic, thanks to her(!!!!), commented that this sentence: "“I’ll be great! Don’t worry about me,” Grantaire says with a smile, wiping off the vomit from the corner of their mouth." summed up Grantaire pretty well. I think she's right actually. This chapter doesn't have Enjolras but still countains some emotional shit. The next one will be heavier in Enjolrasseries so keep reading please :) And follow Grantaire on Instagram (@grantairezemiserable) Twitter (@hellomesamis) and Youtube (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtgN3T9dOMdP2Xoxi5OQotw) and don't forget to check the Tumblr (https://zevlogofamiserable.tumblr.com) where I write longer metas about the creation of this project. Thanks for reading :D


	5. Chapter 4: The red scarf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Grantaire sells out for a crush.

Enjolras saw their videos. They saw their videos!! Fuck.

Of course, Grantaire is betrayed by Courfeyrac. It was a trap to get the Gopro back. Of course. Grantaire feels so naive. And now,  they’ve run away with the Gopro and are technically a criminal! They stole it. But at least, they have somewhere to live after two nights out, miserably earning underpaid salary for… being in an empty sex shop for hours, doing nothing. Well, a creepy dude came in and stayed for hours in the shop, his eyes fixated on Grantaire. At some point, he dared coming at them and asked pills behind the counter. Then, he commented on the fact that Grantaire was not the usual guy and he didn’t like it. 

“Get used to me,” Grantaire replied.

“It will take some time.”

Grantaire didn’t say that they didn’t plan on staying here that long. Then, the guy  finished them with a: “Are you a guy, or no?”

The first day after their shift, Grantaire wandered around, undecided. They took some pictures of cigarettes and pigeon shits, smoked what they found, ended up near the Seine, thinking of how shitty their life was and that there was no hope and that nobody ever loved them. And then they realized a person reacted to their pigeon shits stories on Instagram and it made them happy. And then they remembered Enjolras hated their videos and it made them desperate. But eventually they realized they didn’t need their validation. Which didn’t stop them from being desperate.

_Grantaire's story on Instagram_

The second night, their boss wasn’t so happy with the way Grantaire looked. They told  them so, and Grantaire realized they had to find a place to shower. After endless hesitation, they decided to message Rémus. They really didn’t like to beg; Grantaire was more the kind to get people to invite them in to their life. Or to not dare pushing them back  out of it . But  at that moment, they asked and Rémus agreed on letting them in for a few days. She even seems… well moderately not unhappy to see Grantaire. Which is actually a big deal considering the general effect Grantaire has on humanity. 

As expected, Rémus and her boyfriend are chill, share their occasional spliffs, don’t ask lots of questions, and just hang out with them when they have time (Rémus works  from  home and her boyfriend has a job outside). They even make football enjoyable for Grantaire, who usually  moderately appreciates watching overpaid athletes running on television. Rémus always calls them out when they’re badly spirited and Grantaire usually listens because they kinda admire Rémus a lot and learn tons of stuff around her. It’s similar to his passion for Enjolras. Except with Enjolras, there’s something more. 

Just a little something. 

But listening to Rémus  talk  about her work is very interesting actually and she ends up giving them the three-hundred-page monster that is her thesis to work  through . She works on revolutions in literature and it’s… a huge corpus. People like it when it all crumbles down, but in the end, does it change at all? It’s too slow. And it’s so frustrating, because Grantaire feels like at this point, the big governments could manage to give most people on Earth what they need but they don’t. They have the keys to open the door to a better world, but they just brag with they key, making it roll between their fingers.

Grantaire finds themselves appreciating all these stories of people fighting and dying for goals bigger than their  lives . But at the same time, when they calm down and roll on their back, they realize that this is really not for them. Life is the only thing they have that they’re sure of and a cause is never something you’re sure of. The only sure things are the smell of weed, the taste of chocolate, and the feeling of cold beer on your tongue when it’s hot. And you gotta enjoy it as long as you can, right? 

Rémus seems to enjoy seeing Grantaire checking her shelves to find the books she talks about in her thesis and reading just a few pages. She scolded him for checking conservative alt right videos on her computer. It’s a way for Grantaire to torture themselves to watch them sometimes, but also, they’d feel cowardly to ignore them at all. Like, tons of people were watching those and probably believing people like themselves were aberration. They had to be aware of it. They tried to explain, Rémus replied that they weren’t talking from the same place and she didn’t have to endure that, knowing these people were spreading colonial ideas and  believing in “anti-white racism”. Grantaire promised to not watch  them  on her computer anymore but since then, they actually definitely stopped watching, switching their interest to the books around. Not only old novels but also a huge massive amount of manga. Their reading of the thesis is not that intense either, they skip and scroll, unable to focus for too long. But it’s enough to inspire them  for  what they think is their “last vlog” because, at some point, they’ll have to give the Gopro back. Right. They can’t just keep it endlessly. And making vlogs with their phone sucks. 

Fuck. Grantaire started to like having a presence online. It was weird but very comforting to have people following them around. They weren’t all nice, of course, and they even received a few insults and call outs but mostly, they were benevolent and like, they saw them without really being there. It was nice. It is nice. 

Weirdly. 

And Enjolras was  one of the silent watchers. Every time they think about it, Grantaire feels a punch in the stomach.

Grantaire goes shooting around in Paris before going to work. For once, a vlog with a little research. Maybe Enjolras will like it this time. They saw them and the entire ABCD from a distance, on their way to the demonstration. Nobody paid attention to Grantaire. Phew. 

Grantaire has to wait  to get  home before uploading the video. Maybe they should shoot on their phone to do it directly but on the Gopro, you see way more of the space around. But then, they have to borrow people’s computers to put the video on it and then load it to Youtube. Recently, they even learnt how to put images over what they were doing, using _Final Cut_ on Marius’ Mac and well, Rémus has _Windows Movie Maker,_ it can’t be that different? They want to add pictures of Napoléon over their videos. Maybe they can find gifs. 

When they arrive at Rémus’, everybody (cats included) is asleep so they can work on their vlog and upload it. No gifs (it makes Windows Movie Maker go nuts) but they manage to edit what they want. They fall asleep around 9 am and only awake at 10 when they receive a text from an unknown number. 

_ Grantaire's seventh vlog where they managed to add some pictures of Napoléon I and III _

It’s Enjolras. Their heart  drops to their feet.

_ Do you want to be good for something? _

What the fuck is that text? What does it mean? Is this a reaction to Grantaire’s last vlog? Did they see it? Grantaire checks, they have been seen, yes… what is this?

They type:

_ I have that vague ambition. _

This is a cautious answer. Grantaire doesn’t expect Enjolras to be so fast but they actually answer right away: 

_ You don't believe in anything. _

Now what is that supposed to mean? Well, they answer fast. Grantaire’s heart beats way faster than it should. Well, they just woke up and haven’t eaten or smoked or drunk anything, but answering is the priority! They decide to tease: 

_ I believe in you.  _

And  only then, they decide to go grab a drink to calm themselves and they go pee for good measure. Enjolras still hasn’t answered when they check their phone again. That’s not good. What are they thinking?! Grantaire tries to read more of Rémus’ thesis. Then they turn on the television because it’s way too hard to focus while waiting for an answer from Enj…

Another text! 

_ I’ll be home late. Some shopping to do. Do you need anything?  _

It’s Rémus’ boyfriend. Fuck… Grantaire feels dumb for… Shit! Now it’s Enjolras!

_ Grantaire, could you do me a favor? _

They call them by their name!

But also, Grantaire has their dignity.

But also they want to answer right away  so they’ll  receive another text!

_ Anything... I'd lick your shoes clean _

So much for the dignity. Well. It’s a joke. Right?

_ Give the Gopro back.  _

Grantaire should have expected that. They sigh. Well...

_ The world needs me! It's my sacred duty to give the Internet its due.  _

The answer is like a slap in the face: 

_ Be serious. _

“I am serious!” Grantaire says out loud.

Instead, they answer: 

_ I am wild.  _

Again, it takes longer for Enjolras to answer. But not that long and the answer is… heavy: 

_ I discussed this with the other members: what about learning to edit and work on videos for the association in exchange for using the Gopro? You obviously enjoy filming yourself. And maybe you can also use the platform of your channel to start discussions with members of the ABCD like you did with Courfeyrac. _

They watched their videos!

And they’re with the other members right now! Did they all discuss the texts? Is this a meeting? Fuck! Grantaire doesn’t really like being the source of discussions. They grab their bag, put all their stuff in it, wave at Rémus who is working and listening to some music in their room and barely pays attention to them, and  then they’re on their way to their roommates’ place. If they’re lucky enough, the meeting won’t be over  when they arrive. 

Luckily, Grantaire can catch a train immediately. It’s on the other side of Paris, so they have to cross the whole city… but it’s only four. Knowing the ABCD, they’ll be there  until six or seven. In the window of the train, they watch themselves. They really look like shit. Their hair is not so greasy, but they didn’t brush  it  and woke up with one side up and the other totally flat. Their shorts are, as always, flattering as hell (Grantaire takes pride in their calves) but… they don’t  suit their oversized grandpa sweater. Or do they ? Why do they ask themselves fashion questions? Well… isn’t it normal to want to look good in front of the person you’re obsessed with? In a healthy way! They decide to better their outfit with something more and find a red scarf in their bag. Enjolras likes red, right? That’s the reason why they asked Rémus’ boyfriend if they could keep it while he was about to take it to charity after playing Marie Kondo with his stuff. Maybe red will make Enjolras…  well disposed towards them. Or maybe it will make them angry? Isn’t it a color that makes humans angry? 

“Hey Grantaire… you look… like yourself,” Bê says, opening the door. 

Grantaire answers with a nod and a wink, determined to take it as a compliment. 

“So, you came for the meeting?” Bê asks, walking them to the living room. “Or to beg us to take you back? We were about to post ads to find a new roommate.”

“I’m here to… erh…”

Grantaire isn’t so sure. Especially when they enter the room and  find  every member of the association look ing at them.

“I’m here to serve the cause!” Grantaire  declares , suddenly inspired by all the revolutionary things they read before. “I am now converted…”

They look at their red scarf: 

“To communism!”

There’s a silence. Then Hamid Saraj, who is obviously in charge of live tweeting the meeting this week, asks, “Should I write it as an official request for membership?”

“Should we vote for that?” Feuilly asks. 

“Grantaire, the association is not communist,” Enjolras explains coldly, not looking at them, eyes  fixed on their notes. “The ABCD is just helping queer students and organizing queer events…”

“Don't worry, a red dawn will soon rise! I'll plant the seeds of the revolution you're expecting.” 

There's a pretty long  silence . 

“Did you switch  from  weed  to  something harder?” Bê asks. 

“Anyway,” Enjolras says with a nervous hand gesture, “I guess if we were to define ourselves, I’d say we're anarchists because there’s equality without freedom but in true freedom, there’s no inequality.”

“Come on!” Combeferre objects. “We’re not anarchists! We stated it already, and you can’t decide for everyone, you tyrant!”

“I’m not deciding, I’m stating an ‘if we were to,’” Enjolras explains. “Besides, the way we function is more anarchist than communist even though the structures we’re using are…”

“Marxist? Communist? Trotkist?” Combeferre asks. “If you want to be practical, anarchy is not a way to achieve a higher goal.”

“Some could say you’re being divisive,” argues Courfeyrac who’s, again, scrolling on their phone.

“I’m being what? I’m being free! You can’t take the right to self-label  from  a group of queer students!”

“The important thing being that we all agree we’re queer,” Prouvaire says in their soft voice.

“Well, I see myself more as a n LGBT person,” Hamid Saraj explains. “But like… they’re kinda synonyms right now, aren’t they? Queer and LGBTQA+? I mean, in their common use.”

“I… don’t think you can say that,” objects Joly. 

And here they are again, debating endlessly about words they’re the only ones using. Grantaire has to clear their throat loudly more than once to get people’s attention again. 

“What?” Lesgle asks, interrupted in their explanation of the origin and use of the word “queer”. 

“I’m here. And I might be in possession of the Gopro,” Grantaire explains.

“Ah. Well, give it back,” says Courfeyrac.

“Haven’t we agreed to discuss the question of ‘ownership of use?’” Combeferre objects. 

Ownership of use? What is that now? 

“True,” Enjolras says. “Can you sit, Grantaire?”

“I’d rather die standing, sir,” Grantaire replies. 

Enjolras has a tired smile but it’s still a smile. Or is it a wince?

“So, we all agree that we see... potential in your videos. And we think you could use this medium. Your channel already has  a following and you’ve introduced us...

“In a rather cavalier manner,” Courfeyrac comments.

They’ve all watched the videos? They’ve all watched the video s . Grantaire grabs their scarf, feeling very naked.

“But you’ve done it so… it’d be a good continuation  of it.”

Enjolras frowns, seeking their words. It’s really weird to see them like that. 

“The point is: ownership of use  means  that you can keep the Gopro as long as you use it,” Enjolras explains.

“But we have the right to check its use. Do you want to collaborate with us?” Combeferre asks with a smile. “We have several conditions. First: you have to be an official member of the association, come to the meetings, and the title of your channel has to include us.”

_ The new banner that includes the ABCD _

“Did we agree on that?” Prouvaire asks. “Isn’t it a bit harsh? It’s their channel.”

“We’ve been the subject of half their videos,” Lesgle replies. “It’s not as if we weren’t part of it already.”

“She’s got a point,” Bê says. 

“And it’s not incoherent with the hybridity of our group itself. I mean, we were supposed to only be a queer association, but we discuss new possibilities… when we can discuss and someone doesn’t decide for us,” Combeferre ads, raising her eyebrows at Enjolras who crosses their arms, keeping a very neutral face. 

“You know you like debates,” Courfeyrac tells Combeferre with a smug smile. “You’d disagree with people just for the sport.”

Grantaire finds this sentence highly relatable. 

“People’s opinions evolve and debates are part of this evolution,” Combeferre answers. “Still, I stick to it. I'm no anarchist!”

“So what about you, Grantaire?” Enjolras asks. “What do you think? Do you agree for the Gopro?”

They look at Grantaire from the end of the table. They always take a seat that is slightly outside of the circle. They observe. Grantaire crosses their arms as well. Do they? Being part of the association is not their dream, but it’d be comfortable to be able to use the Gopro without sneaking around.

“Maybe… but do I keep a carte blanche on my work?”

Enjolras frowns, just  s lightly. 

“Since the name of the association will be attached to your channel, we want to check your videos before you post them,” Hamid Saraj explains. “But you can choose your subjects without discussing them with us.”

“And what if you don’t like what I want to post?” Grantaire asks.

“Then, we have the right to collectively suggest changes,” Enjolras replies. 

“You should be grateful,” Lesgle says with a smile. “We’ll spend time watching your videos. Over and over and over again to help you.”

“Well, it’s a collective responsibility” Enjolras says. “But we all agreed, didn’t we?”

They nod.

“That’s censorship,” Grantaire finally says. 

“That’s  one way of seeing it. Collaboration always involves compromise,” Combeferre says.

“Which is the reason why you and Enjolras manage to work together,” Courfeyrac throws  out mindlessly. 

Combeferre smiles and then takes a serious expression. 

“Yes. Causes unite people.”

Hamid Saraj winces at Lesgle. 

There are so many layers of little tensions here. Grantaire feels like their own drama is just the tip of the ABCD iceberg. But still, they also share smiles and banters. There’s a warmth here.  But it’s the same kind of warmth you feel in your family or your high school group of friends when half of them have became conservative . It can explode at any time, and since you don’t need to filter yourself because of how well you know these people, it can hurt. 

More than their politics, that’s what’s frightening to Grantaire. Being that close. 

“Can I… at least, keep the videos I already posted online as they are?” Grantaire asks. 

“Of course,” Enjolras says.

“Maybe…” Prouvaire starts at the same time.

It takes them a full minute to get Prouvaire to finish their sentence: 

“Maybe we should take time to review them and add subtitles when needed, or new information in the description.”

“And who has the time for that?” Bê asks.

They all look sheepishly at one another. 

“Actually… someone… a generous viewer, is already adding subtitles on the Channel. As for the new information, I’ll take care of it.” Grantaire says.  


There’s a silence. 

“So you accept?” Prouvaire asks. “Great!”

Grantaire nods, looking at Enjolras, trying to convince themself the light of a smile they saw at the corner of their mouth wasn’t a dream. 

They stay  until  the end of the meeting. Hamid Saraj hands them Gluten Free vegan brownies and t hey’re actually not that repelling. 

Still not what Grantaire would call brownies  though.

When the meeting finally ends, half the tupperware has ended in Grantaire’s stomach. 

Hamid Saraj tells them to finish it and comments that they liked the vlogs Grantaire shot with Marius. “She can be very shy. It’s nice to see her like that around you. Also, you chose a good angle for the Notre Dame vlog.”

“You still need to learn editing,” Combeferre tells Grantaire, who’s become speechless; they didn’t expect such compliments. “I can help you.”

“There are free softwares _ libristes _ put online,” Feuilly says, grabbing her glasses. 

“Hey! One step at a time!” Grantaire says, suddenly overwhelmed. “I’ll do what I can, ok?”

As they get out of the crowd that had gathered around them, they bump into Enjolras who, for once, is the first to leave. 

“Sorry,” Grantaire says. 

“Hi,” Enjolras answers. 

It’s not an appropriate answer. They act as if neither of them noticed. 

“I’m glad you decided to join but… be serious. Meet your commitment,” Enjolras ends up saying. “Now, I go.”

They leave the room. Grantaire looks behind themselves to see if anyone has seen that. Was Enjolras blushing? Was it a dream? Why isn’t there a sassy roommate around to point out your crush when you need one?! 

Speaking of sassy roommates… Lesgle and Bê approach with a sheet of paper that they give to Grantaire: 

“You can come back,” Lesgle says. 

“But we also happen to have conditions.”

Grantaire checks the list. Fuck their life. Half of them are chores. 

_ Grantaire and their blurry roommates complaining about their cigarettes in the eighth vlog _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! As I said, this chapter is heavier in Enjolrasseries and even has a direct reference to the BRICK (and the texts exchange is reenacted in the eight vlogs that you can watch on Youtube). As usual, thanks to Goodguyjean for editing this and you can follow Grantaire on Instagram (@grantairezemiserable) Twitter (@hellomesamis) and Youtube (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtgN3T9dOMdP2Xoxi5OQotw) and don't forget to check the Tumblr (https://zevlogofamiserable.tumblr.com) where I posted a Meta about Bê and postcolonial issues. Thanks for reading :D


	6. Chapter 5: Both hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Grantaire makes up with Marius, dances with Enjolras, drinks and barfs in the subway.

_Grantaire exposing their Master Plan to make up with Marius on Twitter_

The first thing Grantaire does when they receive their first paycheck is to go wait for Marius at la Sorbonne with an iced Matcha tea and a pastry. When Marius finally comes out, Grantaire’s hand is freezing. Marius takes the tea with a: 

“Now who’s a stalker?”

“I’m not a stalker; I only wait. I’m a waiter,” Grantaire answers, handing them the pastry as well.

“What are you waiting for?”

“Forgiveness.”

“Hard to obtain without apologizing in the first place if you ask me,” she says, sipping tapioca spheres with her straw. 

Grantaire wasn’t expecting such a reaction. They’re not sure they have the strength to self-whip for forgiveness right now, so they just say, “Sorry.”

Marius considers them for an instant. 

“You’re really bad at apologizing. But you remembered my favorite flavor, so I guess you are forgiven!” she sings.

Grantaire sighs with relief. Actually, for the flavor, it was pure luck!

“Anyway, I need someone to rant to. My grandfather is trying to get me back because he’s sick and I feel like the most awful human being for not really wanting to come back. My grades are getting worse and worse. Courfeyrac keeps insisting on me living with them while I don’t want to rely on someone else and… nothing is happening with the lady… at the park. And that’s the most upsetting to me right now. Am I dumb?”

“Why don’t you talk to Hamid Saraj?”

“I don’t want to bother them,” Marius admits with an embarrassed grin. 

“And it’s ok to bother me instead?”

“Well, you owe me one. More than one.” 

“Touché.” 

They wander and end up near the docks, as usual. It’s always where they end up. Marius is embarrassed by the fact that the thing that makes her feel sad is actually that she’s not loved in return. Grantaire is happy for her that she’s still in the mood to be tormented by such trivial matters. 

Grantaire seeks inspiration. They were supposed to publish a video today but they didn’t have the time. It’s way less fun now that they have to be checked and verified by the association. They walk past the used-book sellers. Now, they all sell tiny Eiffel Towers and cat magnets with berets and baguettes. Welcome to France. Grantaire sometimes like to rub their nose against old books pages. This is addictive. Not weed level of addictive but still sweet. Except they never buy the books and they’re known like the white wolf around and have to be discreet. Well beware, the infamous book sniffer is back. 

“You know what,” Grantaire says, “Their nose buried in an old magazine from the thirties (a delight, you can smell the ink even through the plastic protection), we should go party.”

“I have an exam in two days,” Marius objects, “Checking engraved pictures of cats in front of the Eiffel Tower, besides, I’m not really in the mood.”

“You don’t have to be in the mood to party. The party gets in your mood.”

“If you drink and smoke or take stuff and even then, nothing is certain.”

“You need to get laid,” Grantaire says, “Closing the magazine with a “slap” that makes the seller look at them with a revolted expression. 

“Yes… but not by just anyone!” Marius protests.

Grantaire grabs her arm to move out of sight and find other books to sniff. They end up in front of Grantaire’s apartment with another Bubble Tea (Marius just received some social help). 

Grantaire decides it’d be ideal to shoot the new vlog now. They have to do it quickly if they want to keep almost their usual pacing. Also, maybe this time, the ABCD will complain less. They’re not in the toilets anymore, just in front of the apartment. Will they like it this time? Well, at least they let Grantaire post it.

“It’s… a beginning,” Combeferre said when she saw the previous vlog, “but we definitely have to meet to talk about all this in further detail.”

So now, they’ll have to make a vlog with Combeferre, with Courfeyrac again, with Prouvaire, with Hamid Saraj, with both of their roommates again and… hopefully, with Enjolras ? Grantaire would really like that but they didn’t dare to ask… yet. They also borrowed a book from Combeferre. They opened it but it's hard to focus. There's no story. Well… work incoming… But later! 

They start shooting with Marius. It’s a follow up to the two previous vlogs they shot with her. Not so political, but it creates suspense and the subscribers seem to like it. So…maybe the ABCD will appreciate that? 

Well, in any case, they have to cut it short because Bê and Lesgle appear and they end up convincing Marius to go party with them and Courfeyrac (who they’re supposed to join) (but then it means there will be other members of the ABCD there) (Mmh…). Drag Show and dance at La Mutinerie! Huzzay! Maybe Grantaire can shoot there actually. Introducing people to La Mutinerie would be interesting… and political, since La Mutinerie is a self-managed feminist inclusive space!

And party! 

Grantaire doesn’t have time to prepare themselves properly and look as messy as usual but Marius is preppy and Bê and Lesgle are in a state of shiny gay fabulousness. Maybe their spiritual glitter will reach them. 

_ Grantaire, Marius, Bê and Lesgle being fab as fuck on Grantaire's Instagram _

When they arrive, Grantaire actually has the horrifying pleasure of seeing Enjolras in the middle of a very animated debate with Combeferre. A bit further, Prouvaire and Joly are smoking together. Grantaire hums in delight. This is not gonna be a night without cigarettes. 

“You brought the Gopro,” Prouvaire notices as Grantaire joins them, pretending to ignore Enjolras. 

“I did, I’m gonna make a video about La Mutinerie.”

“Nice idea,” Joly approves.

Of course, Prouvaire offers Grantaire a cigarette even though they comment, “I feel like an enabler. You’re sure? Weren’t you supposed to quit?” To which Grantaire replies that their consumption is slowing down, they only smoke what’s given to them, but frustration is the best way to fall back into bad habits, so… Prouvaire nods.

“Is it an ABCD night out?” Grantaire asks, noticing everyone.

“Well, we like to support Bê, but actually, Feuilly is gone for a week, working at that community farm or something. Bahorel tagged along, I bet they shag.”

“Feuilly is basically married to her man,” Prouvaire objects. 

“Maybe they’re open,” Joly replies, as for Hamid Saraj and Courfeyrac, apparently they have exams to prepare…

Poor Marius, they’re gonna kill Grantaire for tonight. Luckily, Courfeyrac joins them eventually right before the beginning of the drag show. They even suggest Marius come work at the library with them the day after. 

“I’m gonna be serious from now on,” Marius declares after three beers. 

“Of course you will,” says Courfeyrac, paying discreetly for everything Marius orders. 

Grantaire tries to capture images of La Mutinerie with their Gopro. It’s a bit hard in the middle of the crowd with all these people. They don’t manage to get any decent film of the drag show. They’re too busy watching it to actually properly film it. 

“You should use both hands,” says a voice way too close to Grantaire’s ear. 

They shudder. Of course, it’s Enjolras. 

“W… what do you mean?”

“I mean you should use both hands to hold the Gopro properly: one on it and the other on your stick.”

As they say it, Enjoras touches Grantaire’s hands and move them. What in the…

“So you’re a Gopro expert now?”

“I used it a bit during demonstrations. It was crowded as well.” 

“A demonstration is a sad party.”

“Not a sad one,” Enjolras replies, “an angry one.”

The Drag King onstage throws middle-fingers at everyone. 

“It’s angry here too,” Grantaire comments. 

They try to repress the series of shivers that run over their skin. They can feel Enjolras’ breath on their neck. 

“It’s a good idea to make a video about La Mutinerie,” Enjolras comments

. 

Were they listening to their conversation with Prouvaire and Joly?

“You know… you don’t have to rush and keep a tight schedule with two videos per week also. I mean, Youtube encourages it, but we’ve seen so many Youtubers going through burn out because of this pressure,” Enjolras adds.

“Capitalism, yeah!” Grantaire says.

Luckily, the silence that follows isn’t that awkward since they’re both watching the show. 

Grantaire finds a way to relax even though they’re way too aware of Enjolras’ closeness. 

“I think I need a structure, though,” Grantaire finally says. 

Enjolras comes forward and stands next to them looks at them with a bit of a surprise. 

“It’s true,” Grantaire explains, “beside my job--and I could lose it soon--I don’t have so much of a schedule and… maybe it’s capitalism brainwashing but these days, it helps.”

“No… I think it’s good.”

Enjolras distractingly caresses their own lips with the tips of their fingers, looking at the show without really seeing it. When they realize that they’re looking at them, Grantaire turns their head back to the show. It’s almost over though. Soon, it will be time to dance. In an overcrowded place with bad music. 

After the final bow, everyone gathers around Bê to congratulate him. Sometimes, Lesgle performs as well but she wasn’t booked tonight. It’s more recent for her as well and she sometimes fears the judgement of mean twinks. La Mutinerie is not a place for mean twinks though since cisgender men are not allowed inside… besides occasional drag queens like Bê. Well… 

When the music starts, Courfeyrac decides to leave, annoyed by such bad taste and pretexting more work to do, but Combeferre actually grabs them by the hand and they complacently endure three more songs with a bored face before leaving. Marius tags along:

“I’m so fucked,” she tells Grantaire, grabbing their shoulders, “I haven’t worked at all and I bet I won’t be in a good state to work more tomorrow… I had four beers and a sex on the beach.”

“Classy,” Grantaire says, holding back their eyebrows, which want to take a worried expression.

They feel guilty. Marius wanted to work… didn’t she?

“Have fun,” Marius says with a smile. “I’m glad we made up,” she adds before kissing Grantaire on the cheek. 

“Come on, you ingénue,” Courfeyrac yells, grabbing Marius by the shoulder. “No more drinking for you tonight.”

Well, at least she’s in good hands. Grantaire sighs with relief. They go to the bar to grab a drink as well, surprised--well, amazed they hadn’t felt the need to so far. But as they reach the counter, someone pats their shoulder.

“We should dance, not drink.”

That’s awfully paternalistic… but also an unexpected invitation. From Enjolras. Of course. 

“Why?” Grantaire asks, facing them. 

Enjolras doesn’t find an answer right away, but then they blurt out: 

“Beer and badly thawed pizza can have bad consequences in your case.”

That’s a quote from Grantaire’s first vlog. 

“I didn’t have badly thawed pizza tonight. Do you want to dance with me? Is that your problem, right now?”

Grantaire has to scream to be heard but when Enjolras answers without yelling, they somehow manage to hear:

“Is it a problem?”

Not a denial. 

“It depends on your talent. You’re not a party person, I’ve heard.”

“It doesn’t mean I never dance.”

Grantaire raises their eyebrows and decides to give it a try. It’s really intimidating, especially considering how tall Enjolras is, but they manage a few moves. And, surprisingly, as if the huge massive broom they had up their ass had dissolved into thin air, Enjolras moves as well. And they’re surprisingly good. 

Except their long limbs get awkwardly in the way of people; but they manage to move them with a lot of grace. Every time they bump into someone they barely wince. Grantaire likes how subtly their face moves. It’s the opposite of themself; their face betrays everything. 

They slowly get closer. They have to. The music is becoming more catchy probably or the crowd who had been smoking outside returned. Grantaire tries to see people from the ABCD. Combeferre is near the entrance talking with big gestures to Prouvaire. Joly is getting beers at the bar with Bê. Lesgle is dancing with Hamid Saraj… so they finally joined in. Grantaire didn’t see them arrive. 

“What are you looking at?” Enjolras asks. 

Are they worried? Their face is always so neutral, it’s impossible to tell. 

“Our merry companions!”

“Ah. Yes.”

Grantaire smiles and takes Enjolras’ hand to twirl them. 

“But none of them is dancing with me but you. You’re the only one who gives a crap about my poor soul tonight.”

It’s an attempt at flirting. Grantaire likes to believe that if they wanted, they could get anyone, no matter their “league”, but actually, they never really try. They always flirt as a joke. This could be a joke as well. But After the twirl, Enjolras’ arm and the crowd has brought them back together. They’re close, yet not touching… except for the hand. Grantaire hesitates, then grabs Enjolras’ other hand and directs it slowly towards his shoulder before putting his own hand on Enjolras’ waist: 

“You should use both hands? Right?” They say with a wince.

They’re really close but they still have to scream. Not very intimate. The sweat they see on Enjolras’ forehead is, though. Enjolras nods. They both barely move now, they share a look and then it becomes unbearable and Grantaire tugs at Enjolras waistcoat to invite them for a kiss. At first, it seems possible. They start leaning for it... But suddenly, Enjolras pulls back and takes their hands off of Grantaire. They articulate a sentence that Grantaire can’t hear, because now, the crowd becomes noisier than ever. “It’s getting late.” “I’m sorry.” “Back off you pathetic creep!” All of those would sound the same to Grantaire. 

They find comfort at the bar. It’s a bit of an immature and unhealthy challenge! “So I shouldn’t drink and dance instead? Well, if I can’t dance, I’ll drink!” A good half of their salary disappears at the bar. Shit… they wanted to pay the rent again. Why do they think about that?

They leave the bar, turn on the Gopro to say a few incoherent sentences to it, and then follow Bê and Lesgle to the subway. Grantaire is not too drunk to stand and they haven’t barfed. Yet. They’ll need it soon probably. They won’t do it at home. They’ll have to find a spot on the way.

_Grantaire being a responsible adult on their ninth vlog..._

“Did something happen with your crush? What have you done to them? One second you dance, the next second they disappear and you’re drinking like a fish,” Bê sighs, scratching his nape and resisting the urge to take off his wig at the moment. Vanity. 

“I did nothing wrong,” Grantaire asserts. “They’re just a stick in the mud!”

“Tell us something we don’t know already,” Lesgle replies. 

“They like me.”

“Well, you might be their problematic fave, I give you that,” Lesgle admits, “but…”

“But… I don’t give a fuck. I don’t like rejection… rejection suuucks,” Grantaire whines.

And without a warning, they dive between their legs and barf on the subway floor. Both Lesgle and Bê manage, with powerful reflexes, to save their shoes by jumping on their seats. 

Grantaire goes to lay on their naked mattress as they arrive and sleep until six AM, almost missing their job. Right before, they manage to upload their vlog just one day late. Yeah… they should have sent it to the ABCD discord for them to check, but they don’t have time. Besides, they really don’t want to face Enjolras’ opinions at the moment. Nor anyone’s. 

When they leave work, they don’t check their comments, messages, or texts, and they let their phone battery die. The next day, they wake up in an empty apartment. Both of their roommates are out. And then, someone comes knocking at the door. Who in hell…

It’s Marius. 

And she brought chouquettes. What’s going on?

“Do you want to see Bê or Lesgle?”

“I’m sorry Grantaire… I just… I need your help today! I think I’m ready to face it… and to tell the lady of the park that I’ve noticed her and am a stupid shy person and that I’d like to know her more… I don’t know? Is that creepy? Can you help me?”

Of all people, she’s seeking advice from Grantaire? They can appreciate the irony of the situation. 

“Sure, I can help…”

Marius sighs with relief. 

“As long as I can bring the Gopro.”

_ Grantaire and Marius interrupted during the shooting of the tenth vlog. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More Enjoltaire in this chapter!! But maybe I should say Granjolras? Tell me the difference!  
I think if you only read this fic... you should watch zis week's vlog (to see who's gonna interrupt Grantaire and Marius altho I bet it's SUPER predictable)... and if you only watch zevlog (you're probably not there) you should read this chapter! Because you can't know everything that's happening by just watching the videos... although, I wrote my videos and my fic to possibly be enjoyed by themselves so... well...  
In any case, I hope you're having fun reading/watching this although this is strong... Fremdschämen wise this week. Erh... Grantaire is a cringe master. But they survive!  
As usual, I encourage you to follow this story everywhere if you can, Twitter (@hellomesamis) Instagram (@grantairezemiserable) Youtube of course (Grantairezemiserable) aaand to follow the Tumblr where I weekly post a meta about the creation of this :D (@zevlogofamiserable).  
Thanks to GoodGuyJean for editing this and to Madame de Grognasse, Aaliyah Xpress and Dee for their portrayals in ZeVlog and on the selfies!  
And thanks to Scarabsi who drew a Enjolras and Grantaire on this chapter aah! check his art here: https://abaisse-scarabsi.tumblr.com/post/188339101759/ze-vlog-of-a-mis%C3%A9rable-zemiserable-les


	7. Chapter 6:  Ostriches don’t text

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Grantaire is granted another chance to redeem themself, sings a lot and starts being busy.

Of course it didn’t pass. The stupid video Grantaire made at La Mutinerie that they posted without anyone’s validation didn’t please Enjolras . T hey just barged in to the shooting of the tenth vlog, which was supposed to be about Marius’ confession to a lady  (who didn’t show up ) and ended up being about how shitty Grantaire was, how sorry they were, and how rape culture was a thing and it was baaaad.   


_ Enjolras interrupting Grantaire's tenth vlog _

Such a boring video. Grantaire was certain their viewers would HATE it. 

What would be nice in watching Enjolras express their displeasure with the whole situation--with Grantaire not showing up in meetings  and making disorganized videos and bets on their sexuality? 

“They didn’t say a word about how uselessly persistent you are in your courtship though,” Marius says, setting her futon  out yet again for Grantaire to spend the night at her place. 

“It’s probably to save their precious saliva, not because they’re secretly flattered by my lack of subtlety,” Grantaire answers bitterly. 

“You know, I think it’s complicated to respond positively to someone’s intention if it seems like this person is laughing at you. You hit on them like an awkward middle schooler.”

“Woah… burn! I’m totally not. I’m the seriousest of the seriousest about Enjolras. Which is why we shot that second part of the video.”

“Where you apologized like an awkward middle schooler forced to make up with the guy they punched in the face for stealing their Pokemon cards.”

Grantaire raises their eyebrows and doesn’t deign to answer. Marius can be such a downer sometimes. As if she wasn’t behaving like a stupid high schooler herself, stalking a girl without daring to confess her feelings. 

And then… speaking of stalking, there’s a knock on the door. Eponine!

“I’ve got weed,” he says. 

“Well, we’ve got pizza, it’s better,” replies Marius. “Right, Grantaire?

“Yes, mom.”

They set the table (a tiny IKEA  b lack  one that Marius covered with glittery stickers) and watch some TV while eating pizza together. Marius informs Eponine  about the latest developments while they’re at it, mentioning her own crush on the mysterious lady as if it wouldn’t have any impact on Eponine. He winces but doesn’t ask more questions (although Grantaire expects to be texted on the matter  later ). 

“And you think they’ll have you back?” Eponine asks while chewing on an endless thread of cheese. 

“They should. I  did research, the final video is open and genuine, and I apologized!”

“Woah…”

“They apologized super badly,” Marius explains, “I’ve never heard worse apologies, even from Justin Bieber.”

“Let me tell you, bro,” Eponine says, “apologizing is the most important part of life! You gotta be good at it! Sincere! Apologizing it’s like facing your inner demons, fighting them and pulling their guts out and becoming a better man in the process!”

“Sounds intense,” Grantaire says. 

“And you gotta have the puppy eyes! Come, I put Snap on my phone;  it’s this app  where you can make your eyes even bigger so we can examine properly your level of honesty when you apologize,” Eponine says. 

Grantaire and Marius share a suspicious look, but actually the “apolog y ” training turns out to be pretty enjoyable since it consists  of trying out any stupid filter they can find. Grantaire doesn’t post them on their Instagram, fearing that some members of the ABCD will read it as a “Fuck you and look at how much fun I have without you” message. Then, they quickly erase them. Maybe they’ll post them later. Eponine leaves them later that night and since Marius  has fallen asleep on the futon, Grantaire grants themself the bed. They put  on  headphones to rewatch the vlog on Youtube. Enjolras sure looks mad… and rad. They’re pretty handsome. Pretty pretty. Why are they so mad? Well, Grantaire knows a hundred reasons, but they’re too lazy to search for them and fall asleep. 

The next day is judgement day, and so they get themself ready to face the association at the Café Musain. It’s near a fast food  place . They’ll grab fries there. And then, they’ll have an excuse to leave early because they have a shift at the sex shop. Not that they wouldn’t have found an excuse in any case. 

They decide to wear the red scarf as a definitive adieu to the stupid leftist ideas they thought they shared for an instant with these dudes. It’s gonna be so awkward with their roommates as well. Are they even allowed back there? They sigh. Probably? Their roommates don’t have only the association in their lives. Right?

In the subway, Grantaire finds themself watching the video again. How did Enjolras find them? Did they just follow everyone or… oh… Grantaire tweeted about their next vlog. Still, Les jardins du Luxembourg is a big park. Why do they happen to always meet each other everywhere? Is it some kind of cosmic joke? And why is Enjolras so good looking? This is definitely not fair! They grab fries, are unable to eat them and give some to a pigeon. Do pigeons like potatoes? They’re not sure… they’re hesitating in front of the door when a familiar silhouette appears. The sun hits it in just the right way. In the autumn’s mist, their dark coat seems to be surrounded by a halo of gold. 

Cringe. And obviously shared cringe. Enjolras stops in front of them: 

“So you came.”

“With the Gopro,” Grantaire replies, showing the bag where  they’re keeping it . 

“I knew I could trust you on that,” Enjolras says. 

What does that mean? Is it… a weird compliment? They seem calmer than yesterday… but still cold. Or is it because they’re embarrassed? Grantaire finally opens the door and gestures at Enjolras to invite them to enter: 

“After you.”

Enjolras thanks them with a nod and enters. Their walk is stiff. Prouvaire, Combeferre, and Courfeyrac are already here… and Grantaire’s roommates Lesgle and Bê. But more than half of the ABCD is missing for now. 

“You could have warned about your nights out,” Lesgle says as Grantaire greets them. 

“They’re being an ostrich again,” Bê comments. “Ostriches don’t text.”

“Yes, the wings get in the way,” Grantaire says. 

“What he means,” Enjolras uselessly explains, “is that you’re always running away from your problems at first and that you avoid facing them as long as possible.”

“Well, I’m here!” Grantaire replies, exasperated. 

“True,” Combeferre says, “I added it to the ‘pros’ list.”

“We’re making another list,” Bê sighs. 

“And then we’re gonna vote,” Combeferre adds with a joyful smile. 

She must really love democracy. Wait, isn’t she a communist? Too many ists. 

Slowly but surely, they’re joined by other members of the jury, except Feuilly and Bahorel who are still on their weird trips, but  who  will vote  by mail. And the time to vote arrives. Enjolras summarizes the events. Joly admits they didn’t even have time to watch the latest vlogs because of  their night shifts. Courfeyrac says that they didn’t either… because of fremdschamen since Combeferre warned them with a  _ TW: secondhand embarrassment _ . Still, they start saying their votes and  explaining their  reasons: 

“I’m for Grantaire  getting  to keep doing their stuff,” Prouvaire says. “It’s fun.”

“Same here,” Lesgle says. “They really do smoke less and… well, I think I look good in the videos we made despite the lack of light. Next time we shoot, make sure it’s during the day.”

“Duly noted,” Grantaire says with a wink. 

People really still want them to do shit with their Gopro. Are they insane? Well, it’s a good thing in a way. They hope enough members will be touched by this strange disease even though it’s unlikely they’ll all be in their favor since Enjolras is surely against it. Too bad, Enjolras wishes decisions could be only made with unanimity. Soft delusional anarchist dreams. 

“I’m with Lesgle,” Bê says. 

They both flap their fans in harmony. Grantaire knows they rehearsed that move. 

“I think Grantaire is showing little signs of improvement,” Hamid Saraj explains. “Is it enough to earn everyone’s trust? I’m not sure, but I think if they make videos with us, the quality can only improve.”

“I agree, and I will help them to learn how to edit,” Combeferre says. “I edited some videos for the party. The videos sucked, but I know the basics.” 

So… is it… overall positive? Joly and Courfeyrac say they’re  neither pro nor against since they didn’t watch the last video. It’s time for Enjolras to give their judgement, but the majority is already in favor. 

“I guess we have a sort of unanimity,” Enjolras simply says. 

They avoid looking at Grantaire. 

“Unless Feuilly and Bahorel say otherwise, I think we’re giving another chance to Grantaire. You can keep the Gopro and keep making videos for the association. To be clear, your last video is far from perfect and we need evidence of your will to improve. Faster this time. Consider yourself on trial. Again. We won’t be so patient next time.”

Grantaire is weirdly happy about this now and finds himself willing and decided to make  an  effort. And then they realize what they’re thinking and find themself dumb. And then, Enjolras finally looks directly at them with their dark intense eyes and says: 

“Don’t disappoint us.”

And Grantaire feels like their heart is exploding. Which makes them say something utterly stupid, obviously: 

“I won’t, sir. I’ll improve… but  now I’ve gotta go sell butt plugs to dudes who buy them as ‘jokes for their friends’!”

There’s a silence, then, Bê uselessly says, “It’s not for their friends. But I’m glad they use appropriate materials. You don’t want to know what young  med interns see in people’s butts.”

There’s one of these lethal silences. Enjolras seems to gather their remaining strength to keep a still face. As for Grantaire, they ’ve already admitted to themself that this was too much and they’re already out, their coat on.

“Good luck with your job”, Lesgle tells Grantaire before they slip out of the room. 

Well… if one can forget about the last sentence Grantaire pronounced, this all went pretty well. They’re gonna keep making these vlogs and… why are they so attached to that anyway? Is there a trick there? Is it some sort of sick reversed psychology and like, the fact that they could have to stop vlogging makes them more eager to work on it? 

Is that so? 

On the street, they hear someone calling their name and stop in the middle of… they realize it too late: the tiny tourist trap street where three people call them  to have lunch in their restaurant at the same time (a Greek  place , an Indian  one, and a crêperie). 

Grantaire turns back to see Prouvaire, leaning on a flat dolphin inviting them to eat some tzatziki and catching their breath. 

“Grantaire,” they say, “we have to plan a meeting! Let’s make the next video together.”

Grantaire looks at Prouvaire with circumspection, raising their eyebrows. “Why?”

“We were supposed to make a video together, right? I have things to say and I’ll work on saying them in English.”

“Is that all?” Grantaire asks. “You’d be the kind to do things out of pity for me, wouldn’t you?”

“No, I’d like to work with you. You’re chill, you do things fast and cheap, but in a good way. In an accessible, anticapitalist way.”

“Why? Because I shoot while drunk or on the toilets?” Grantaire asks, skeptical. “Why does everything have to be political with you?”

“Everything is political, Grantaire.”

Prouvaire laughs.

“We should make a song about it! When I put it like that, I sound way too melodramatic! There are jokes to make. To laugh about our endless guilt over things we can’t control…”

“I tried writing songs, it sucked”, Grantaire replies. 

Prouvaire stops right away. They seem… disappointed. Why? Do they really want to work with Grantaire that badly? Well… well… they’re supposed to not disappoint, right? Maybe...

“What if we just… sang political songs. They… exist, right?”

Prouvaire’s eyes start sparkling and they beam at Grantaire while saying:

“Of course they do! I’ll send you a playlist, you’ll tell me what you prefer.”

_ Grantaire and Prouvaire singing La Semaine Sanglante in Grantaire's eleventh vlog _

They exchange a few words, deciding when and where and how, but before they part, they’re joined by a third individual who ran through the crowd to join them. Combeferre herself hands Grantaire the bag they forgot on the café’s table: 

“There, you almost forgot the Gopro! It’s important.”

“It is.”

“Your means of production!” She says with laughter. 

Grantaire actually smiles. She watched their eighth video, after all… it wasn’t perfect, but she enjoyed some things. She actually took the time to send them a PDF with her review. 

“I suggest, if you make the eleventh vlog with Prouvaire, you make the twelfth with me? It’ll be less… well, maybe it’ll be boring. Chances are, it’ll be boring and people will hate me because I’m an obnoxious Trodskist, but I also have things to say.”

Grantaire is astonished by people’s desire to be filmed with their shitty Gopro and posted on their small YouTube channel. And also a bit uncomfortable with Combeferre self-depreciating so hard. It’s usually _ their  _ thing. Prouvaire reacts before Grantaire can and pats Combeferre’s shoulder: 

“You know you’re not boring and I bet you’ll make an amazing video.”

So… soft. Combeferre blinks fast and waves with embarrassment as if what they said didn’t matter. 

“Let’s schedule this. Also, I’ll have to help you edit! Are you available on Friday?”

_ Combeferre being nerdy in Grantaire's twelfth vlog _

In the end, Grantaire ends up with the schedule of a Prime Minister. When are they gonna be able to chill? In any case, they have to run now or they’ll be late for their job. 

They have trouble focusing today. Not that they usually give or are expected to give a hundred percent, but they can’t stop thinking about that quasi-unanimity and the ABCD members ASKING for videos. What is up with them? Are they mad? Their videos are shitty! Bad light, no or little editing (well they learnt to add images over them sometimes), the writing as nonexistent as a ghost… not much work involved, in the end.

They’re already bored by the idea of working more on  those videos . Isn’t it enough? People watch it already. Not tons of people, far from it… but some people. Isn’t it enough to stay in that little pond and enjoy? Isn’t it… what was Prouvaire saying? Anticapitalist? Political? Tssk, duh, everything is political, as if they didn’t know that… Grantaire is not just anyone. They read (skim), they inform themself (by pretending to not listen but actually listening), and they think by themself (with weed and beer involved). 

They follow their trail of thoughts until  they  end up just praising themself and self-depreciating themself at the same time, concluding this with the same question: “why is the ABCD giving me a second chance?” 

They spend another night at Marius’ because they left some of their stuff there. Marius welcomes them with an enthusiastic embrace, very happy about the fact that they can pursue their videos (well, even if they were deprived of the Gopro and of the “and the ABCD” title, they would have pursued… on their phone maybe? So it’s not so dramatic. Right? Well, it felt like it, but Grantaire feels dumb now that it’s all solved). Courfeyrac gave Marius some leftovers from a party, cold pizza and appetizers, and Eponine helps them  by digging in to their bags of crisps. 

“So you know how to sing?” He asks when Grantaire mentions their  up coming collaboration with Prouvaire (they’ll shoot on saturday.)

“Duh, I’m the king of YouTube Karaoke,” Grantaire replies. “And your father knows it!”

Eponine winces. Maybe they shouldn’t talk about the creepy neighbour so loudly. Obviously, he can hear. 

“So what are the songs you’re supposed to sing?” Marius asks. 

Grantaire opens the playlist Prouvaire sent them. Dear… lord. This… is… so… weirdly militar istic and melodramatic! Is it supposed to be revolutionary? Nothing  pro claims revolutionary  ideals  except the lyrics when you pay attention. Well… maybe they’ll go for  _ La semaine sanglante  _ though; it’s so melodramatic, it’s kinda funny. And what does “ça branle dans le manche” mean… is it sexual? 

“It means there’s some movement,” obviously, Eponine says before pouring the last bits and dust from a bag of crisps to his mouth.

“But is it sexual?”

“Speaking of sexual, how was Enjolras?” Marius asks. 

Grantaire frowns. How was Enjolras indeed. Cold… but maybe…? And they were in favor of keeping Grantaire despite the last video? What was in their brain?

“Why don’t you ask them directly?” Eponine says. “You have their phone number, right?”

Grantaire frowns again. 

“And you should ask them to do an episode on climate change with you while you’re at it. You’re supposed to collaborate with members of the ABCD now, right?” Marius comments.

“Yeah… my freedom is crually limited,” Grantaire sighs. 

But yes… they could use the opportunity to invite Enjolras to join them. Obviously they didn’t mind being filmed and exposed. They don’t want Eponine’s or Marius’ advice on their texts though, so they  use needing to pee as a pretext to leave the apartment and go to the corridor where they type the casualest of the casualest texts: 

_ Hey, tkx for the Gopro bruh. I’m glad we’re cool tho I dunno what I did to deserve it. Wanna join me for that climate change episodes you teased? _

In the time  it takes Grantaire to take a dump, the serious Enjolras replies:

_ It was a collective decision. And sure. We’ll find a moment after the episodes you planned with Prouvaire and Combeferre.  _

“Sure”.... Sure?!!! Like it’s obvious they’ll do that. Well, it's probably because the complete ABCD is now supposed to support and be behind Grantaire. That’s all. Also, they didn’t answer about why they voted for Grantaire to be given a… third chance. Also Grantaire didn’t exactly ask. They breathe deeply and type as fast as they can to not regret: 

_ Why did you vote for me yourself? _

They immediately regret it. Ah! So needy. And they go back to the apartment, burying the phone under a pile of clothes to forget about it. Eponine and Marius started singing the revolutionary songs and from one link to the  nex t; they go from _ Bella Ciao _ to some casual Karaoke and end up on the  _ Pirates of the Caribbean 3  _ (the best one) song and then they finish the night watching Alexandr Pistoletov twirling his penis to Hans Zimmer’s theme. 

_Eponine and Grantaire singing _I'm a Creep_ at Marius on Grantaire's Instagram_

“Well, time to sleep,” Marius says. 

Eponine leaves them. He’s obviously chill, but Marius told Grantaire she didn’t have him in so often since Grantaire left. She prefers to share food  with him  outside. He’s a giant guy and she’s petite. And also, he’s obviously into her, but she seems to be oblivious about it. 

Grantaire can’t resist and checks their phone once Marius falls asleep. Of course, Enjolras answered. They even answered right after receiving their last text: 

_ It’s because you listened to me.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, thanks to GoodGuyJean for editing this chapter, check the videos on Grantaire's channel (Grantairezemiserable) Instagram (@grantairezemiserable) and Twitter (@hellomesamis) and the Tumblr (@zevlogofamiserable) and dunno... hope you enjoy. The ship is getting stronger! Maybe this mess of a fic is actually gonna become a real romance? :P


	8. Chapter 7: A recurring character

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a recurring character agrees to be a recurring character in Grantaire's videos (and life probably) and it sounds like a confession.

Shooting with the ABCD is actually surprisingly enjoyable. Surprisingly as in: who on earth could have believed it ? The first video was shot at Prouvaire’s place, but they first discussed a lot about life, and art, and the grand scheme of things, and politics. Grantaire opened up a bit about their miserably failed attempt at becoming an artist. They once studied art but their school ended up  slowly  killing everything they initially liked about it, and they dropped out, felt terrible about it and now, they were just unable to properly hold a pen without feeling like it was an insult to everything that existed on earth. Art schools were their Vietnam, right? 

Of course, they drank while talking and ended up on a YouTube hole of wonders (no) mixed with weird experimental songs Prouvaire played. They didn’t shoot anything and had bad dreams, but the next day, they managed to shoot a video where Prouvaire talked about copyright issues. They also planned on meeting more regularly to sing… because as it turned out, Grantaire liked to sing? Well, they liked Karaoke, right, but they always considered this a way to be obnoxious to people more than a way to educate them or whatever. Well, in any case, it was part of their job now. And it was surprisingly easy with Prouvaire. 

“See, art, poetry, music, everything… it shouldn’t be about learning tech niques and flexing, and what we do never  has  to be perfect. Just… let’s have fun with depressing politics just like you do with your videos. As we say: humor is despair’s politeness.”

Grantaire was used to laugh ing- to - not - cry alone, but it was actually nice to share it with someone for once. More videos were planned with Prouvaire; a series of quick covers of political songs for the Channel. The ABCD loved the idea... that was gonna make Grantaire busier... but they didn't dislike it.   


The second video with Combeferre was also surprisingly fun. First, Combeferre had a cat and cats are always good in videos. Grantaire expected more people to watch them for that sole reason. And also… Combeferre was passionate and loved to talk about politics and activism and leftist struggle s, and the video was pretty fun. Grantaire added many jokes in the editing, which Combeferre actually enjoyed a lot. Despite her apparent seriousness, she was a good laugh and a nice comrade. They didn’t drink booze, but tea , and contrary to Grantaire’s beliefs, you didn’t need booze to enjoy Combeferre’s company. She was a nerd but very aware of herself and had that self - depreciative tendency that Grantaire found both highly relatable and fun. 

Grantaire worked way more on the editing in both videos. Combeferre came to help them and demonstrate how to use some free - licensed software. Grantaire still had a preference for overpriced cracked ones and Combeferre told them to do as they please. Well... Then, they both added customized thumbnails to all the videos with a new sober, but more proper banner for their channel. Combeferre was not a graphist but she knew  the basics; “You always have to learn basics in everything in activist groups. We don’t have money”. Grantaire was both grateful and resentful to Combeferre because now that they knew how to… they had no excuse. 

Erh. 

With all that extra editing work to do, Grantaire had to start scheduling videos to make it fit in their planning between their job and the ABCD meetings they had to attend. 

What were they becoming? They were so busy! The only difference between them and an exploited worker was that Grantaire could work  at home in  their underwear and they weren’t making any actual money. Well except at the sex shop which, now that they didn’t spend their free time laying on their bed, was becoming more and more unbearable. 

“Tell me about it, my job is killing me right now,” Marius says to Grantaire when they meet for a weekly unaffordable Bubble Tea in the quartier latin. 

“You have a job now?”

“I need to live at a certain standard… but actually it makes my life worse… but I wince less when I drink this,” she said, pointing at her almost empty cup. 

“What job?”

“I give people papers that they immediately throw in the trashcan …  at  the end  of my shift , if I have some remaining, I put them in the trashcan myself.”

“Well, at least you’re paid to do that.”

Grantaire hesitates to tell Marius that she should accept Courfeyrac’s help and  that  this job is gonna kill her and make her totally fail her studies. It’s just too heavy. They keep it to themself. It’s useless when there’s pride  involved .

“You didn’t get news from her?” Marius suddenly asks.

“Her?” 

“The girl… on your channel?”

So she really hopes the girl she has been stalking in Les Jardins du Luxembourg can see her apologies in Grantaire’s barely-viewed-a-hundred-times video. That’s a bit pathetic. Maybe  it’s  love? Or real guilt.

“No… sorry, but you said it Marius, my audience isn’t that wide.”

“Ah! Sorry! It’s stupid. Anyway, what about you and Enjolras. How is it going?”

“Weeeelll… first, I don’t see how Enjolras connects with your mysterious lady crush guilt, but we’re gonna shoot a video tomorrow,” Grantaire replies with an attempt to sound casual. 

They obviously fail at this because Marius raises her eyebrows in a sarcastic way: 

“I see. Will you invite them for a drink after?”

“I guess, maybe. I could do that, if I’m not busy.”

“Then it’s a challenge,” Marius says with a smile. “You invite them for a drink at the end of the video, ok? Do it for the sake of my creepy rejected soul.”

Grantaire sighs. 

“Alright… did you try going back to Les Jardins du Luxembourg to see if she was there again?”

And  now it’s Marius who sighs: 

“No, I don’t want to scare her.” 

That’s careful. Grantaire wonders if they should be more careful themself. Maybe they scared Enjolras. If so, Enjolras never shows it. They seem to just not care about Grantaire’s tragically sincere joking courtship. They have a very deadpan face… except when they’re angry. A glorious deadpan face. And a glorious anger. 

Does Grantaire really want anything from them though? Dating sounds like commitment and commitment is really not their forte? Or is it? They’ve been successfully posting two videos a week for almost two months now. Maybe commitment is what they need? But it means less freedom! No! No, no!

They prepare themself carefully for the thirteenth video. The Hawaian shirt is definitely what’s needed. And short shorts. They just want to look as careless as possible despite the temperature getting lower and lower (though the day where they’re supposed to shoot is actually indecently warm). They’re supposed to meet Enjolras in Les Tuileries (another garden, but not Les Jardins du Luxembourg because it’s bad luck) but they get a bit lost and find each other after fifteen minutes of texting and call ing, and it’s actually so obnoxious that Grantaire’s intense nervosity at the idea of shooting a video with Enjolras totally disappears when they meet. Although, as usual, Enjolras is absolutely strikingly beautiful.

“Sorry for the…”

“Gardens are complicated. They have diverse entrances and some are barely noticeable,” Enjolras says coldly. “Probably a strategic decision.”

“Or an aesthetic one,” Grantaire nuances. 

“Maybe,” Enjolras says. 

Are they really thinking about it? They seem to think about it. 

As they walk to find a place to shoot, Grantaire gets an idea  about how to open the video. What if Enjolras’ appearance was a surprise… what if they arrived later… and surprised Grantaire in the middle of a green place? That would play on their dynamics. 

“See, I’ll just ramble a stupid introduction and then you’ll come and teach me the real business. I’ll act even more stupid than I am, the audience will relate to me and admire you and the world will be conquered by environmental justice,” Grantaire explains. 

“You want to exploit my interruption in the last video and create some sort of narrative around us? Enjolras asks.

They’re sharp. 

“Maybe. I think… do you want to be a recurring character?” Grantaire asks. 

“I wouldn’t mind it,” Enjolras replies. 

Grantaire’s heart drops in to their stomach. It sounds like a confession. Why does it sound like a confession ? ! It’s stupid! Enjolras rejected them! They refused a kiss. They must remember that! It’s over! 

“So… erm… here! There aren’t too many people… we should… start here!” Grantaire says.

They ’ve reached a little maze near the Ecole du Louvre. There they’ll be able to move a bit like Stéphane Bern from  _ Secret d’Histoire _ … but with a selfie stick and a Hawaiian shirt. They start shooting, rambling stupid stuff as usual, Enjolras interrupts them… smooth. Except a little girl interrupts them first and they only manage on a second try . Then, they go  sit along the way and discuss… casually. Well, Enjolras scolds Grantaire a bit for having borrowed Combeferre’s library book (they must give her back it’s true, but they keep forgetting it everywhere. Where is it? At Remus’ place? Marius’ place ? At their roommates’ place? Grantaire wonders.)

_Enjolras scolding Grantaire_ _in the thirteenth vlog_

Shooting helps Grantaire relax. He knows how to do it now. It ’s quickly become a habit. And despite their temptation to smoke every cigarette  they pass by (so many good smells in parks) they remain pretty focused. They’re so relaxed that they even manage to invite Enjolras for a drink… as a joke. But Enjolras actually agrees. Marius would be proud. Grantaire’s heart drops in to their toes this time.

Once the shooting is done, Enjolras seems actually pretty happy with what they did… but they want to improve it right away.

“We said important things, but we could say way more though? How do you decide a vlog is over? Maybe we should find another place and talk more? A different location to distract the audience! Do you think it would work? Someone commented on the fact that you are fun. Am I fun enough for your audience? Maybe some subjects need to be serious and not fun. I shouldn’t be fun. But people like fun. But strategically I’d be ready to be fun if it’d mean I’d convince people.”

“People on Breadtube usually try to be both fun and serious,” Grantaire explains, “I’ll send you some links.”

“Thanks.”

Why is Enjolras so nervous? It’s insane. They both head towards an exit that will allow them to reach a district that will be less expensive for their light purses if they want to drink. Quickly, the silence between them becomes a bit too heavy, so Grantaire decides to shoot a bit more… to have images of the park and to keep themself busy. Before reaching the exit, they go through a carnival. It’s late, usually it’s only there for the summer. To lighten up the atmosphere, Grantaire decides to goof around and suggest, on film, that they go to an attraction with flamboyant ly stupid French flags. 

And just like for the drink… Enjolras agrees. As they pay for the ticket (each their own, paying would be too romantic wouldn’t it? But Enjolras agreed on paying for Grantaire’s drink later? Or did they?) Grantaire asks: 

“Isn’t it too bourgeois a pleasure for you Enjolras? A carnival attraction?”

“It’s… pretty popular actually. Expensive but popular?”

“The paradox of theme parks. I should make a video about it.”

“Maybe,” Enjolras says. 

They seem distracted. A video about theme parks would be very dumb. Or maybe not? They should check; probably a leftuber already covered the issue somewhere. 

  
  


“Are you ok?” Grantaire asks as they start shooting their flight through the sky on the Gopro.

Enjolras is tense. 

“Do you need to film everything?” They say in a grumpy voice.

_Enjolras not so at ease in the sky in the thirteenth_

Grantaire stops filming them and enjoy s themself for a bit. At their side, Enjolras  actually starts getting more relaxed. Are they enjoying themself? Could it be? Grantaire can’t be sure, but they can’t wait to see the video. When the ride stops and they reach the  ground again, Grantaire’s stomach and heart booth feel super light. Enjolras pretends to be grumpy about this by pushing the Gopro away when Grantaire tries to film them, but they still head together towards the exit and walk quickly to find a cheap bar. Enjolras walks in front of Grantaire. Their walk is not so certain at first, but soon they’re fast and decided. Grantaire struggles to follow them with their long, endless legs. Finally, they reach a cheap bar. They actually walked a lot. It’s near the Marais and not so far from la Mutinerie. Grantaire shivers. Enjolras orders a tea and Grantaire a beer and they  sit across from  one another near a window so that Grantaire won’t smoke the delightfu lly tempting cigarettes. It’s hard to avoid each other’s  gaze in this  position and Grantaire wonders if they really wanted anything from Enjolras in the first place. Why are they here? They’re so intimidating. How dare Grantaire look at them. They look like one of the park’s statues. 

“So…” Enjolras starts, “are you satisfied? Do you think it will make a good video?”

They sip their tea cautiously. It’s beautiful to look at. The aesthetic of the ascetic. They’re wearing some cheap jeweller y that look precious on them. Grantaire feels like on themself, the most precious jewel would look like garbage.

“I… think… it’s gonna be good. Can I use the video I took during the ride as a conclusion?”

“Do you think it will  resonate  thematically? Will it be relevant?”

“Mmh…”

Grantaire is caught off guard but tries to defend their choice: 

“I… think… yes… I… think…”

They drink a bit of beer. Come on Grantaire. Isn’t bullshitting your thing?

“It will show that despite our  consciousness of environmentalism and ecological troubles, we can still enjoy ourselves because we are alive and… enjoying being alive.”

Now… that’s real bullshit. 

Enjolras sips their tea again and then nods. 

“Alright.”

Then… they smile. 

“Your seventh video was very coherent. You were talking about all these revolutions that shook Paris in front of workers all  over the place. It showed a place that wasn’t so touristy… a Paris that exists for the workers too.”

Grantaire gasps… they didn’t think it through at all. Their seventh video was an improvised rambling mess with a shitty sound half the time. 

“I… erh…”

“The text needed more work though. Next time, can we discuss the theme ahead? I’d like to be prepared.”

There will be a next time. 

“Alright, Grantaire says, trying to hide the explosion of joy  with in themself, “but not too much preparation. It needs to remain spontaneous.”

“I trust your judgment.”

There’s a silence. Then, before Grantaire can find something smart to say, Enjolras starts: 

“I think at least this video won’t be controversial. Maybe the ending… although I bet everyone is  going to enjoy seeing me suffer in that evil flying machine.”

They have a soft smile. So subtle. Enjolras’ expressions are fast and seem to fly over their face, never staying long. They’re migrating birds. Grantaire wishes they had filmed that to watch it later. 

“Were the previous videos controversial?” Grantaire asks. 

They’re there during some meetings and saw members of the ABCD validate Prouvaire’s video (unanimously, although they suggested  Grantaire add some information about the song that they sang, which Grantaire agreed to do), but the talk about Combeferre’s video happened later and online, and Grantaire wasn’t on during the discussion and didn’t scroll back. Combeferre just texted them a:  _ you can publish it!!!!!  _ and they did. 

“Well,” Enjolras explains, “some members didn’t like the fact that she pointed out tensions among us. Some even said that Combeferre was betraying her own principle of uniting and compromising by pointing out our inner fights.”

“Which members? Do you agree?”

“Well… you can check the discussion yourself and no. I don’t. I think we need to face ourselves as honestly as possible to move on. You can’t just push stuff you don’t want to see under the rug. She expressed her opinion. To be honest, we disagreed at the time of Pride, and I was at the head of the protest, but I think she should have a place to express her opinion on the matter as well. And she makes points.”

“To be honest, I’m on nobody’s side,” Grantaire admits, “but I had no idea I was… creating tensions.”

“Not you. Your videos. They just reveal existing tensions. They’re mirrors.”

Grantaire feels heavy all of the sudden. They cross their arms on the table and bury their face in it. 

“I don’t want to be troublesome. It’s tiring,” they whine.

There’s a silence and then Enjolras bursts out laughing. Grantaire looks up at them. They  have  already stopped laughing but they still smile. Beautiful. 

“You… of all people, you, Grantaire... you don’t want to be troublesome?!”

“It’s good to be troublesome when you can run away but now, I’m tied up,” Grantaire replies.

“You’re tied up as long as you use the Gopro. You could give it back and use your phone. It wouldn’t be so terrible,” Enjolras replies. 

“Maybe I want to be tied up,” Grantaire says. 

Their eyes are locked for an embarrassingly long time and then Grantaire adds: 

“I mean… it’s kinky isn’t it?”

The atmosphere lightens up, although Enjolras replies very seriously before sipping their tea again: 

“I guess.”

They part quickly after  that because Enjolras has some work to do with Combeferre at the student union. Busy leftists. Well, Grantaire also has a shift soon but they have time to  go back at their apartment, drop some stuff there, and get warmer clothes on. They let their mind wander in the train. What do they want from this? What is this? Is there something between them? There is something. But what? Probably a mix of contempt and irritation on Enjolras’ side. But still, didn’t they plan to meet again? They start drawing a smiley on the train’s window, but then turn it into a butt.

They wave at their roommates when they pass by. Lesgle and Bê seem to be lost in an intense conversation. Grantaire is curious but they don’t wait to listen. They have things to do! They rush, get changed and leave the apartment as quickly as possible, slamming the door behind them, but not on purpose. On their way back to the city, they receive a few alerts on their phone. It comes from Discord. Unbearable. They should uninstall it. It takes  up too much space. Then, as they reach their workplace right on time, they receive a text from Enjolras: 

_ We’re having a sort of emergency meeting right now on Discord, can you log on? _

Grantaire takes a selfie in front of an inflatable Justin Beaver: 

_ Sorry, I’m in good company.  _

Then, they take a few other selfies in front of plastic dicks and vulvas without thinking and send them all to Enjolras because nobody enters the shop and they’re bored. 

_ You’re being childish. And I will not endure that. One more text and you’re blocked. _

Enjolras is so… regal… like a tyrant. Grantaire didn’t realize they were being obnoxious. It happens a lot. 

_ Sorry bruh. Chill out.  _

_ If you have the time to take immature selfies, you have the time to check the Discord. _

Really? Grantaire is not in the mood for activist drama right now… or are they? In any case, they don’t want to please Enjolras and there’s a group of drunk men in the shop now. Amazing. It’s one of those nights again apparently. Lucky Grantaire. They sigh. At least, the men don’t ask them for advice or anything, they just look at stuff and laugh like high schoolers, playing with them, messing things up. Grantaire passes between them and puts stuff back into place. Finally, when one of the guy kills a Justin Beaver by piercing his nipple with his nail, Grantaire finds a perfect excuse to kick them all out. Luckily, one of the guys is not drunk and actually embarrassed and helps Grantaire push his friends outside. Grantaire closes the door behind them. They really have  no patience tonight. Working for the ABCD seriously takes time and some of it is really fun and nice and Enjolras looks great and Prouvaire and Combeferre were actually very nice to work with but… it’s tiring. It’s very tiring. 

They start tweeting about it, complaining about being busy and tired, and Enjolras texst them to go back to work or to log on to the Discord. Grantaire replies:

_ You’re stalking me on social networks like a creep.  _

_ I just left the page open to check your Community Management. I volunteered to write a report about it  _ _ for _ _ the association. Also, you seemed to have today and your next shooting will be at your place.  _

Grantaire tweets that Enjolras is guilting them for their tiredness now and they keep texting back and forth while Grantaire basically livetweets about it for a bit. It is likely that nobody cares about it, but it’s fun. Well, they actually have a few reactions. Maybe their storyline for Enjolras, the recurring character of their vlogs, is actually working. They’re playfully apologizing for having exposed Enjolras on Twitter when they receive another text. It’s from Lesgle this time: 

_ So… you probably know but Bê left the ABCD. _

_ _

_ Lesgle and Grantaire evoking Bê's departure in the fourteenth vlog. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!  
I hope you enjoyed this very heavy in Enjoltaire chapter. But also some Ddddrama incoming. But also Grantaire getting better with the ABCD... and even overworking themself... woah!!!  
As usual, if you enjoy this fic and don't follow the Youtube Channel, you're missing stuff :P so go watch Grantairezemiserable videos. New content on Monday, wednesday and now SATURDAY with Prouvaire's songs! I publish a new Meta on the Tumblr (@zevlogofamiserable) on Friday or Saturday (this week's meta was about music!) aaaaand... I also published a preview of Grantaire's drawings of ABCD members this week. Go check it! And of course, follow Grantaire on Instagram (@grantairezemiserable) and Twitter (@hellomesamis). Thanks to goodguyjean for editing this chapter once again and to everyone following this project, I'm starting to get more feedback and this is REALLLYYYY nice >


	9. Chapter 8: I suck for a coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Grantaire creates(?) Dddrama... but actually it's not that fun to watch the world burn.

_ Bê's cute mug _

Bê was always on a shift these days, which meant that whenever Grantaire tried to catch him to talk about what motivated his departure from the ABCD, he was either busy or doing something else. Grantaire tried to check the Discord, but the Channel was closed by the admins (Combeferre and Enjolras, they decided it with a vote). As for the other members, nobody wanted to tell what happened… or knew exactly what happened. When Grantaire met Prouvaire to sing their weekly song with them, the latter told them: 

“I have no idea what happened… it started casually and then it was fast and quick and deadly and erased before I could actually see anything.”

_ Prouvaire and Grantaire during their weekly recording_

They shared a bit of weed and Grantaire wondered for a second if Prouvaire’s daily consumption was responsible for their short view of the drama. Or maybe Prouvaire just happened to be a very chill person who avoided conflict. 

During the shooting of their vlog, Lesgle told Grantaire that if they wanted to know, they’d better talk about it with their roommate themself… which Grantaire found an easy occasion to do since next week’s first vlog was supposed to be a collaboration with Bê, who was gonna explain his work as a drag queen activist. 

“I’ll tell you the truth once but I won’t repeat it, so you better set the Gopro right,” Bê says as Grantaire enters his room. 

They hand Grantaire a cute mug that says, “I suck for a coffee.” It’s only tea inside. Grantaire would suck for nothing, but weed would be nice. Although, they want to be wide awake for the revelation of the dddrama!

And there’s drama. Heavy drama even though Bê expresses it in the most delightfully snarky way. Apparently Joly has been caught being weirdly fetichizing with gaysians, which Bê didn’t appreciate. He tried to call them out, didn’t find enough support within the group and decided to leave. That’s very bittersweet actually. Well, the video is gonna be fun and light because Bê is just a drag queen in every circumstance and refuses to show how much they suffer. Or he does it in such an over-the-top way that you’re supposed to laugh at it, but Grantaire really feels bad about what happened to him.

_ Bê spilling the tea _

And they also feel bad about the ABCD losing a member. Not that they idealize the association, it’s run by a collective of humans who pretend they’re de-hierarchized, but who obviously have two dissonant leaders, and the implied nature of this hierarchy probably creates tensions and resentment despite the obvious friendship between them all. They’re united by their queerness but they all have their own plans and agendas and some are more or less easy to work with and they probably don’t all get along so well (except Prouvaire obviously, Prouvaire is loved by all). Grantaire has heard Bê and Lesgle bitching about Enjolras for months even though there’s obviously respect between them. They’re just not made to work together; Bê and Lesgle are humans with cause, while Enjolras is their cause. 

Grantaire worries about them, realizing their nonchalant attitude during the Discord drama was probably perceived as a let down by Enjolras. The problem is that Enjolras sometimes gives the impression that if you don’t agree with them, you’re not their friend. Well, obviously no, they manage to remain close to Combeferre despite their disagreement… but still. Are they able to seek help when they feel bad or do they bury it behind their serious mask like pretty much everything in their life? What will become of them if the ABCD falls down? Why does Grantaire worry so much, actually? It's not their shit. They should worry about themself! What will become of them once they stop using the Gopro? They will go back to their bad habits probably. Won't they? 

Washing the dishes to show their good will to a stressed out Bê, Grantaire realizes the "I suck for a coffee" mug is probably not very woke. Musichetta, their friend who happens to do sex work at the moment, probably wouldn't agree with it. Such a joke is problematic now, right? Using the word "woke" is also problematic though, isn't it? They remember Remus' observation on it. It was initially used by black people apparently. What didn't they invent when it came to social justice? Grantaire is tired of watching themself and feel guilty, and then they remember that they're so tired because they're not used to making an effort. On some level, they probably have it easy, right?

It's so complicated. Why can't they go back to their state of numbness and indifference? Once you start draining your strength, you never stop. And then you die without enjoying a single moment of rest. 

Grantaire is lost in their dark thoughts when Lesgle comes back from her classes. 

"Existing is hard,” Grantaire tells her when she walks in the room. 

“And you say that while you haven't been dumped three times in one day. And twice by the same person! I'm a useless mess!”

She reaches her room quickly and slams the door behind herself. Bê's head pokes out from his own door: 

“Night out,” he whispers.

Grantaire nods. Probably that's what they need. And tonight, they don't join members of the ABCD. They'll just be themselves outside of the association and the drama. 

Bê is half in drag, Lesgle puts on more makeup and a sequin dress, and Grantaire is wearing a collared shirt. It's time to celebrate… nothing. Well… it's time to forget.

They all dance their bittersweet melancholia through the night. Lesgle makes out with a rebound girl, but Bê is not in the mood. Neither is Grantaire. Well, they're never in the mood. Or just not that attractive. But since it's a roommates’ night, Lesgle doesn't bring the girl home nor goes to her place and just takes her phone number. They end up back in the apartment, dancing in the kitchen to a Lizzo song on low volume (their neighbours are not as obnoxious as Thénardier, but they certainly are bothered by parties). Lesgle goes to sleep, Bê stays a bit with Grantaire, watching sassy, gay queen makeup tutorials on Youtube and drinking tea. And then Grantaire is alone again with the "I suck for a coffee" mug. 

_A roommate's dance party drawn by Grantaire (but later because atm Grantaire doesn't draw anymore)_

So of course, they call Enjolras. 

And Enjolras answers. 

What?? Wasn't Grantaire supposed to leave an embarrassing message?? Well it's not even that early (2 am) and they're not even that drunk… 

“Is there a problem?” Enjolras asks in a worried voice. 

Grantaire has a hard time admitting to themself how intensely they feel hearing it on the phone. 

“No… yes…”

"I just wanted to hear your voice" Grantaire thinks but doesn't say. 

“What is this about?”

“I… just… I shot the vlog with Bê today!”

Work! Let's talk about work. Work is safe. 

“Ah.”

“We… we talked about the drama with…the ABCD… about his departure. I'm a bit worried it… will lead to another drama.”

“But you like drama, don't you?” Enjolras says. “You always seem excited about it.”

Touché. 

“Well not if it can hurt you… and friends. But I like these dramas from a distance, and they create a narrative tension in the vlogs.”

“Well… even if you capitalize on them, I see no point in hiding them even though, as Combeferre says, putting emphasis on drama distracts us from our priorities. Do you think it's important to talk about it?”

“Well, I mentioned it in the vlog with Lesgle. It would be weird to just ignore the situation now.”

“I see. Well… I trust you on that. And you're in no way responsible if it happens, you weren't even there during the events. Will you send the video tomorrow on the Discord for us to check?”

“I will.”

“Good. I have your back. You'll keep the Gopro. Don't worry,” Enjolras asserts. 

Grantaire feels guilty for not worrying that much about that stupid Gopro, actually, but really happy about what Enjolras just said. "I have your back" ... what did Grantaire do to deserve this? They sigh, close their eyes and then blurt out:

“Do you resent me… for not being there during the… ddrama?”

There's a silence and then a sigh. 

“You were working actually. Lesgle reminded us. I never know what you're up to. I thought you were just goofing around.”

“Well, I was…”

“What do you want me to do here? Grantaire? Scold you?”

“I don't know…”

“Don't put me in that position. I'm tired of looking over everyone’s shoulders. Do what you want, prove yourself to m… the ABCD. Be reliable. Try to be online tomorrow when you send the video. Now it's late. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight…”

There's an awkward silence. Should they hang up? This is abrupt. Grantaire tries to find something to say, but Enjolras is faster.

“Sleep well,” they order. 

Easy to say after such a talk… hearing Enjolras breathe in your ear for so long is a thing! Grantaire has a hard time finding sleep. 

And then they wake up and spend the morning working on the video. They end up adding two drag performances to show Bê's work and, just like with Lesgle's video, way too many stupid jokes (like a salt gif whenever Bê spills the tea). Maybe it’s funny enough to pass? It makes Grantaire laugh. Good sign? The ABCD didn’t like their jokes so much in the previous vlog though… and the content, which was also a bit critical of the ABCD (Grantaire was getting roasted by Lesgle about fatphobia and she complained about the lack of consideration for fat activism); but, in the end, it was widely accepted. Well, some members liked the jokes (Prouvaire, Hamid Saraj, Lesgle and Bê), some were perfectly indifferent to them (Courfeyrac), some weren’t sure they were such a strategic choice (Combeferre), some just… didn’t take the time to check them, and some hated them (Enjolras ?) What would they think now?

_ _

_Grantaire roasted by Lesgle in their fourteenth vlog_

They put off the publishing of this video a bit by checking the rushes of the next one. The sixteenth vlog will involve most members around the question of the family (only Feuilly and Bahorel weren’t available, too busy in their self managed permaculture thing). They’ve shot most of it already, they just need to see Enjolras (they're supposed to have tea together tomorrow… videos are wonderful pretexts for dates!) They work on it as much as they can and then the time comes to post their actual finished vlog. They close their eyes, sigh and send the thing. They have to go to work in about an hour, they can face the drama beforehand. Bê and Lesgle are at university, maybe Grantaire should have waited for them to be with them to face the pack of wolves. 

Grantaire holds their breath and waits for the verdict, watching the dark screen of the Discord. They see that Joly themself is online… they wince. Considering the previous drama, they’re gonna watch the video as soon as they can… are they watching it now?

Combeferre is the first to comment. Of course: 

**IronFerre:** I’m still a bit perplexed about the jokes but probably they work on people our age? The weird zooms are fun sometimes. It’s ok for me, you can publish it. 

Grantaire types:

**Grand R:** Praise Bê.

**IronFerre:** That’s nice.

Courfeyrac just gives them a: 

**CoursForrest** : Works for me.

Then it’s Enjolras: 

**Enjolredandblack**: I think it could be more nuanced but it’s efficient. 

**Enjolredandblack:** I guess. 

**Enjolredandblack:** I know it could be.

And then it’s Hamid Saraj: 

**Hamid Sa Rage:** Bê is goals. Love his performances. Nice video.

**Poux Vert:**What they said! 

**Hamid Sa Rage**: I knew you were a person of taste. 

**Jolllly:** Doesn’t it bother anyone that this video is just insinuating I’m some sort of fetishist racist? For real? 

Grantaire slaps their forehead. And there we go! 

**Hamid Sa Rage:** your real name is not used though. 

**Jolllly:** And? R majuscule doesn’t have that much of an audience. Half of the people who’ll see this video will know it’s me and I don’t like it. 

**Enjolredandblack:** Noted, what do you propose?

**Jolllly:** The video shouldn’t be public. 

**Jolllly:** And we should stop collaborating with Grantaire and lending them the Gopro. 

**Grand R:** outch.

**Jolllly:** Nothing personal but that’s not a way to proceed. 

**Feuillu:** Just saw the video. I agree with J here, it’s too personal. Already in the video with Lesgle, it was getting too personal. 

**Feuillu:** or that date video with Enjolras. .

**Grand R:** wasn’t a date. 

**Feuillu:** you get the idea. It doesn’t belong there. 

**IronFerre:** Grantaire and Enjolras already explained themselves and we all agreed on letting them post the video. 

**Feuillu:** If you say so. 

**Feuillu:** I mean… 

**IronFerre:** So, J, how would you qualify Grantaire’s lack here? J?

**Jollly:** I think lack of professionalism… both in the editing and the shoots themselves… and calling out someone online is not a good way to proceed. It's divisive. 

**IronFerre:** this lack of professionalism, is this the real reason.. ? I mean…. you’re the called-out one. 

**Jolllly:** and what is that rant about “calling out” and “canceling”?… as if we leftists didn’t have enough political vocabulary that people have to remember, we’re getting more and more inaccessible with leftist Twitter things.

**Feuillu:** Got a point. Isn’t the point of the videos to be accessible?

**Grand R**: I can add a voiceover comment on it if you think it’s needed blerg. Tbh I don't think so and it will ruin the pacing. Lol. 

There’s hostility. Grantaire tries to lighten up the mood with a pathetic “lol”. They’re used to seeing their videos dissected by the members now, but usually they’re not so numerous. The videos have to bee seen by three members at least to be validated and there’s no obligation and if a video is seen by a member who doesn’t like it in the end, Grantaire will have to make it private and re- edit it, but that hasn’t happened yet.  


**Hamid Sa Rage:** We need precise words for precise concepts. Although I understand the need for accessibility. 

**Bahorrible:** I don’t see much of a problem with the vid. I like the editing, it’s cool. Just, Bê is not part of the ABCD anymore. Can Grantaire make videos with people from outside?

**Grand R:** There’s nothing in the contract that stipulates… ho… there’s no contract.

**Enjolreadandblack:** Now what’s the point? 

**Jolllly:** The point is that between Combeferre here throwing our inner debates on Youtube while praising compromise, Lesgle saying we’re a bunch of fat phobics and Bê leaving the association without cleaning up his chaos, R majuscule is about to drag us into the trash where they come from! 

**Grand R:** I aim to please. Lol.

**IronFerre:** Thats is not correct language, J, I will need to give you a second warning.

**Jolllly:** Fuck it, I was saying it for your sake! I’m leaving! With their videos, they’re turning us into what they pretended we are: a bunch of whiny SJWs, never agreeing and never managing to accomplish anything! 

They leave the Discord. Grantaire checks the hour, they have to leave in a few minutes. They go get dressed quickly and by the time they come back, Enjolras has posted a longer message:

**Enjolredandblack:** Combeferre is talking with Joly. I think that if we’re not able to face our mistakes and grow, we don’t deserve our title of activists. Yes, we have to forgive each other and not start a quest for a delusional purity but, as Bê said, called-out isn’t cancelled. It’s a chance to grow. By calling out J, Bê called us all out--us, who failed to support him. And we should take the chance he offers us to grow, starting with publishing this video.

Before **Grand R** can type another answer, Enjolras adds: 

**Enjolredandblack:** also, by condemning Grantaire, Joly is not accusing the criminal responsible for our fall but their own image reflected by the gopro Grantaire is holding. We should seize the opportunity and face ourselves, not run away, cowardly, from our faults.

**Feuillu:** I think your judgement is clouded Enjolras. You obviously have a favorite here. 

**Bahorrible:** It’s probably more nuanced than that but

Grantaire stops reading. Fuck. They’re using Enjolras’ indulgence towards them to make them lose credibility. Not good! Quickly, they type to deflect the attention:

**Grand R:** To be clear, I’ll post the video whether or not you agree. I made it, I’ll wait for Bê’s approval because it’s the only one that matters but then I’ll post it. If you don’t want to collaborate with me anymore after that, I’ll accept it and give the Gopro back. 

**Grand R:** Now I must leave you mes amis, gotta sell some butt plugs!

Their phone buzzes as they leave the room. It’s Enjolras: 

_ What is that? _

Grantaire quickly types before running to the RER: 

_ I have your back _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! For that chapter, the ABCD members all have bad puns as Discord names. My favorite must be "Hamid Sa Rage". Bahorrible makes me laugh but I actually borrowed it from @orpheuspidey. Just know that, of course, Lesgle's is "L'Aigle ou la Cuisse" (which is a reference to the French movie "L'aile ou la cuisse") on Discord and Bê was "La BÊ-te" ("The Beast").  
The drama doesn't show so much on Twitter (@hellomesamis) and Insta (@grantairezemiserable) because Grantaire knows when to not blow on a flame but they post their looks and vent sometimes. More news from ze tumblr (@zevlogofamiserable) where you can read my weekly metas, and see more of Grantaire soon to be drawn (:P) arts). Also as usual, follow the vlogs on the Youtube Channel Grantairezemiserable :D !  
See you soon!


	10. Chapter 9: The obnoxious ass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Grantaire encounters technical difficulties and find unexpected help.

“You know Joly left in the end; he won’t let you use the footage you took of him for your sixteenth episode.”

Grantaire blinks twice, and then reassures Enjolras with a: 

“I have it covered. I interviewed Marius’ stalker instead. You’re gonna love this. 

“Will I?”

Enjolras raises an eyebrow. They’re paying for the tea they shared with Grantaire for the shooting of their sixteenth vlog’s last sequence. The machine is taking hours to connect with the bank and neither Grantaire nor Enjolras is the kind to stop a conversation because they’re facing someone.

“You released another video yesterday, didn’t you? I didn’t even get the chance to see it, but it was validated.”

“Just another song,” Grantaire replies. “A revolutionary one. I know you like them.”

“Your voice isn’t bad.”

“Oh… thanks, Enjolras. I didn’t know you were a voice expert. We agreed with Prouvaire that it wasn’t about making great music, but about…”

“No… no, I didn’t mean it in a bad way. I’m just… no. It’s nice you’re setting boundaries on the work you produce for the ABCD. Activist burnout is a thing, you know.”

Grantaire chuckles. 

“Lol… you know who you’re talking to? I’m the definition of ‘chill’.” 

Enjolras looks at Grantaire, who avoids their look. It’s always been like that; they  either do nothing or  they overwork. Which explains the fact that they never achieved any  “degree” they started in college. And apparently, it’s starting to show here… but, thing is, they don’t want to stop. 

Even though their video schedule is so tight, they struggle at work now. Last time, they almost fell asleep. But Grantaire doesn’t want to talk about it. They kept themself awake by drinking coffee and alcohol. Gross, but no weed. No weed, no cigarette s . That’s how you work. Right? Probably Enjolras would want them to stop drinking both if they knew. 

“Anyway, when is the last video we shoot together?” Grantaire asks as  the machine finally accepts their card with a satisfying “Beep”. 

Of course, Grantaire knows when it is. They know their schedule by heart and they wouldn’t forget about appointments with the one and only Enjolras. 

“It’s not next week but the week after,” they answer without hesitation. “Well, probably we’ll shoot it on Sunday for Monday, if you’re available. You said Marius could join since we planned it in the jardin du Luxembourg.”

“Yes… it could exorcise my tenth vlog.”

“It’s not that bad a video. Just the usual messiness that is your brand, I’d say.”

“Are you complimenting me?” Grantaire asks. “Maybe it’s part of the Enjolras mating ritual. You’re softening around me. Viewers will notice it at some point and ask themselves some questions!”

“You’re being avoidant and I always mean what I say,” Enjolras replies. 

They open the door for Grantaire to  exit the bar. They walk Grantaire to the nearby subway station (they themself use bikes… yes. Fucking bikes in Paris). 

“I worry about you,” they say as they part. 

“I worry about you too,” Grantaire replies. “You worrying about me is actually very concerning. What is up with you Enjolras? Are you pregnant?”

“Tssk, why do I even bother?” Enjolras sighs, “Have a good day, Grantaire.”

“You too, honey, and don’t forget the pregnancy test!”

Enjolras clenches their fists, breathe deeply and just turn their back on Grantaire. Now what? Grantaire feels really dumb. 

Once home, they estimate that they can spend two hours on editing next week’s video before going to work. They start as  soon as they arrive after having prepared a huge cup of coffee to not fall  asleep on Lesgle’s keyboard. Are they really overworked or just working, which they haven’t done in a long time? Why is it always a problem? Work? When you do it, you feel like shit, when you stop doing it, you also feel like shit. They fantasize on their years of retirement and a feeling of having given everything to the world and feeling that they deserve their rest, at least. 

Lol, who are the y kidding, with the reforms on retirement? Not gonna happen!

They manage to edit a good chunk of the video but not enough, alas. They spend way too much time checking Joly’s video. They were supposed to work together on printings and fanzines and the history of punk in France (Joly comes from a punk family) but now, all their preparatory work is just a waste. Well, not that Grantaire did that much… well… what they did was a lot on Grantaire’s scale. They read a wikipedia page and took notes. 

Fuck… Joly wasn’t so much of a bad guy, but his reaction to Bê’s call out was so violent. Bê also showed them the very passive aggressive text he received after the publication of the video. Grantaire received one as well. 

But at least, Joly respected Enjolras’ and Combeferre’s suggestion not to make it public on Twitter. Probably because they also knew that it would lead them to get more views because ddrama…

Shit. Shit. 

Grantaire is obnoxious and prefers to have people being angry at them to people worrying about them but they really don’t like what happened and how they parted with Joly. They  spend  way too much time focusing on the bald face on the video before finally dropping the file in the computer’s trash can. ABCD’s demand.

Shit. 

And it was even worse for Bê who didn’t clearly explain it, but Lesgle did it for him, sending Grantaire articles about people of color’s emotional labor and how they had to constantly block people or erase them from their surroundings because it was either that or coping with their careless, everyday racism. 

Bê didn’t show he was in pain, he just reasserted “I called him out, he reacted like crap. It happens. Thank you, next!”

Bê sure is selective with his friends. Why is he still living with Grantaire, again? Now that’s a mystery. 

Grantaire has no time to think about it once behind the counter. So many people passing by. What is going on today? A sex frenzy? People are weird. 

On their way home, they’re surprised to receive a text from Enjolras: 

_ I’m sorry about my behaviour. It wasn’t my business. Let’s keep it professional, you’re right.  _

Is this a joke? Grantaire doesn’t have the energy required to speculate about that very typical Enjolrasserie. Does it mean they really think Grantaire is upset that they’re interested in them? Is it another way to run away from them like that time at la Mutinerie when… that … happened. Grantaire chases  the thought away from their spirit. Yes. Let’s keep it professional: 

_ We’re cool. Pro bros!  _

They text  that and Enjolras answers pretty quickly actually: 

_ Glad we found an agreement.  _

Grantaire wonders how they feel about Bê and Joly’s departure. Enjolras only show s their feelings in spite of themself, in convoluted ways. And Grantaire is madly in love with them right now… but just admitting it to themself costs too much energy so trying to get exactly what they think or are up to… nearly impossible. 

Two days later, after the peaceful acceptance of the sixteenth vlog by the ABCD, Lesgle welcomes them home after a meeting with: “Hamid Saraj left too.” 

Fuck! Is this some sort of curse?! Grantaire was supposed to shoot with them. Is it cancelled? What are they gonna do now? They immediately harass Marius and Courfeyrac with texts and the only thing they get is that it didn’t go so badly, just, Hamid Saraj realized they didn’t want to be part of it anymore; they said it, end of the story. 

“It’s kinda like me,” Lesgle says. “One day I’ll probably leave like that, but right now I’m a bit too worried about the other members. Combeferre, Courfeyrac, Enjolras, Prouvaire, Feuilly and Bahorel are all super overworked these days. I’ll leave another week.”

“You can’t help being a dad friend,” Grantaire notices, remembering the meme a certain Creepikat made based on the video they shot with Lesgle, where it was implied  that one of them was a “dad friend”. 

“That’s my brand,” Lesgle replies. 

She smiles pretty softly at Grantaire.

“Why do you think I keep you around? I worry about your obnoxious ass.”

Grantaire is suddenly more tense. What is it with everyone worrying about them? In any case, at least, Hamid Saraj answers their text with a: “of course I’ll shoot the vlog with you, no problem.”

Pheww…

The next day, they meet at Opera and share bubble teas and an actually very interesting and intense talk about religion and queerness and Islam in France. Hamid Saraj… is way saltier than Grantaire thought. At first sight, they’re the kind of person who speaks low and soft and is always in the back of the group. The reasonable and sweet calm voice who always understands every side of every fight… 

But actually, even Courfeyrac is less salty and bitter than them. And they’re also pretty good at burning Grantaire alive. What is it with the ABCD and sass? 

_Hamid Saraj roasting Grantaire _

Grantaire realizes being born queer is probably an excellent way to force the development of humor. Only Enjolras escaped this destiny. How so?… And why are they the one whose eyes Grantaire thinks of when they think about… nothing?… What… the fuck? Well, duh, Enjolras is incredibly attractive. And they’re probably aware of it. People look at them. All genders. All ages. Probably  it’s  hard to live with but also, they act as if it wasn’t the case, as if they were a pure spirit floating above their body…

“Grantaire, what are you thinking about?”

“What?” 

Grantaire blinks twice, looking at Hamid Saraj with surprise. They came back to a bubble tea place because Grantaire didn’t want to drink beer in front of a non-drinker although beer is all they [’d] need right now. The shooting was amazing… but exhausting. But really amazing. They gather their energy to ask: 

“What is going on?”

“You just paused in the middle of a sentence,” Hamid Saraj observes. “Weird.”

“Did I? Well… erm… I… just… was thinking that it’s a shame we haven’t hung out together before?”

“Well you never asked,” Hamid Saraj says. 

“Neither did you?”

“Well, to be honest, I was really suspicious of you after… well mostly how shittily you treated Marius but also, you haven’t been super respectful  of  the association, especially Enjolras.”

Really? Hamid Saraj was suspicious? Their reserve suddenly takes another meaning for Grantaire. They stay silent to cautiously hide strong opinions. From what they said in the video, it seems to be linked to the way they were raised. Grantaire can’t help but think about it, trying to remember every clue of Hamid Saraj’s past that lead to the very cautious but passionate person they are now. 

“Well, you seem to be the only ABCD member with a bit of a brain left.”

“Oh… we were all suspicious about you. But you have allies. Lesgle, Bê, Prouvaire… and even Enjolras.”

Grantaire almost spits  their  tapioca bowl on the table. Enjolras? Ahah! Well, right now they’re sort of an ally… but usually… they’re more of a rolling eyes and raising eyebrows shadow figure who judges them very harshly despite all their efforts to… be… better… and maybe impress them. And  to  stop smoking!! 

Now that’s the reason they started all this. 

“Well, I’m glad I had allies back then because we ended up shooting a very good video and it was actually very very nice to get to know you more, Hamid Saraj,” Grantaire says with an awfully surprisingly genuine tone. 

“The feeling is mutual, actually,” Hamid Saraj answers. 

This is nice. 

When they check their video files later that day, Grantaire realizes the sound is weirdly, particularly inaudible.

What… happened?!

They recheck it, search on the card for another audio file, check, recheck… What happened?! It’s absolutely awful! Was it muffled when they shot? Where is the sound taken on a Gopro anyway? What is going on?

And they’re so tired at the moment… they start to cry like an ass. Exhaustion. They are exhausted. And they have to go to work in twenty minutes and they want anything  but that. They’re gonna think about this for hours and hope for a miracle, a magically new, clear sound when they come back. 

What the fuck happened?! It never happened before it’s… 

It’s sound, right? Maybe someone can help. They transfer the files quickly to Prouvaire with: “I have no idea what happened to the sound, but maybe you can clean it?” and hope for a miracle. Maybe… 

And then, they have to go to work. Again, they’re misgendered, treated like crap, and  they  see very weird people (well, the bachelorette party girls were fun… until they made that awful joke that managed to be homophobic, racist, and  ableist  at the same time. At this point they should receive a pri z e). When they head back home, Grantaire sees they’ve received a series of texts from Prouvaire: 

_ Ouch… _

_ Woah… that’s pretty awful  _

_ Do you think the Gopro is broken? You should  _ _ do  _ _ some tests.  _

_ Well… we can hear you but it’s HARD and TIRING  _

_ Can you reshoot the episode,  _ _ do _ _ you think? _

_ Ah shit, no, Hamid Saraj leaves in two days for Alger _

_ Maybe when they come back? _

_ But then you don’t have a second video.  _

_ I’m really sorry Grantaire. I sent you cleaned files, but  _ _ they’re _ _ really not ideal.  _

Grantaire can’t check the files because they can’t open them on their phone, and Lesgle is asleep and they can’t access her computer. They sit on their frustration for the night, numbing their brain by watching conservative white boys play video games for billions of views… and dollars? And then, around six, they go wait in the kitchen for Lesgle to wake up and give them access to their computer. Bê, coming back from his night shift, sees them waiting and hands them his laptop once Grantaire  explains . Grantaire downloads the files, turns the volume on, open s them and... 

The sound is still awful.

Fuck. 

They really feel like crying again but not now. Not in front of their roommate. 

“It’s really inaudible,” Bê comments. 

“I mean… I… never had that high  of  a quality... the images are terrible… during our vlog like…”

“But the sound is what matters,” Bê says. “When the sound is not alright during a drag show, it’s unbearable to watch, no matter how well the basics there can vogue.”

“I know!”

Bê looks at them with indignation. Grantaire rarely screams like that. When they’re angry, they don’t show it, or  only  in a very joking passive-aggressive  manner . 

“I’m just stating facts,” Bê says, raising their eyebrows. 

“I don’t need a  diagnosis ! Believe it or not, I know my job!”

“It’s not your job… there are no stakes! You won’t be fired, R,” Bê says, sitting in front of them and pouring some coffee in his mug. 

“Yes, there are stakes!  I worked together with Hamid Saraj and I betrayed their trust and…”

“It’s too bad, but I bet Hamid Saraj won’t mind and you can remake a video with them when they come back from their trip.”

“But what about the schedule?! I have two videos a week! Well, three with the songs! If I don’t respect that…”

“Then what? Besides the ABCD, your videos aren’t watched by that many people and even if they were watched, stuff happen s ! You’re not performing surgery on the heart of a child! The stakes aren’t that high, Grantaire.”

“And what if once I’ve broken the pacing, I can’t do it normally ever again? What if I stop making videos forever after that? What if I go back to my old habits, what if I drink even more coffee, and beer, and Redbull, and… whatever… what if I die in the street because you get  definitely tired of me?! Fuck! I can’t! I can’t let it happen!”

“Ok. You’re panicking. It’s not gonna happen.”

“Don’t you see, Bê? It can totally happen!! I know I could do this! I know it…”

“What... are you up to? I need my beauty sleep,” Lesgle says, entering the room with a grumpy face. 

“R is panicking,” Bê explains. 

“I’m not. I’m being realistic!”

“Why?” Lesgle asks before waving at the coffee Bê hands her.

“The sound of the last video I shot is awful!!”

“How awful?”

Grantaire plays it for her ears and at least, it elicits the proper response here: 

“Oh. I see. Well, don’t release it and reshoot it later.”

“I can’t….”

And there they go again, stuck in their endless panic cycle. What would their online therapist say? It’s been a while since Grantaire  has taken the time to drop everything they felt  on that… person? Is it even just one person? They try to calm down but all they can feel is a need for weed and it scares them to no end and they know how to get some and… what if they die? Who would even care? 

Maybe their therapist? 

“Ok, this is an emergency, I think they’ll get it,” Bê says. 

And then, He’s calling someone. Who is he calling? Not Grantaire’s parents? The cops? The asylum because Grantaire is an insane obnoxious ass right now! They can’t even hold back their tears. Lesgle tries patting their back, but they push her away. The weed… there is some still. They know where the roommates hide it. And the whisky Bê’s father gave him two years ago and that Grantaire has been slowly drinking alone shot after shot.... and the cigarettes they stole from...

“I know I’m ridiculous,” they laugh through the crying. “I’m gonna calm down, I’m gonna go calm down in my room. It’s funny, right? I don’t give a shit about anything after all. Not at all. I…”

Bê hands them the phone. Grantaire takes it without understanding. 

“Grantaire?”

It’s the fucking one and only Enjolras. How on earth could Bê think that this would help?! 

“Hi… how are you... doing?” Grantaire says, trying to not sound whiny. 

“I’m alright. I was on my way to class, but I can stop by if you need. It’s only methodology and  I already  have all the credits needed. Bê says you have troubles with your latest video?”

“I… don’t.”

Why did Enjolras need to brag about their college achievements? Of course they’re better than Grantaire will ever be. At any level. 

“Ok, I’ll be there in a bit.”

“You’re… not being safe! I did say I didn’t want you here!”

“Not to patronize you, Grantaire, but you often don’t seem to express what you really want… or need.”

“You’re patronizing.”

“I know. Well. Sorry.”

They sigh. 

“You’re sure… you really don’t need help? Maybe I can ask someone else, but actually, I think it’s pretty tense for Combeferre today and Courfeyrac has an oral exam. Maybe Prouvaire…”

Grantaire winces. Why do they keep insisting? 

“No, no… Prouvaire already helped. And… you should go to class… I’ll be just fine.”

Enjolras sighs again. 

“Alright, Grantaire.”

And as they’re about to h a ng up, suddenly, Grantaire just let s go. 

“No… wait. No… I just… don’t want to be… fuck! I’m such a dead weight!”

They hear Enjolras smile in their  sigh  of relief.

“You’re not. I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”

Grantaire feels like crying again. So instead, they say: 

“Perfect amount of time for me to put on clean underwear.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I actually encountered technical difficulties with this episode which literally... drove me to despair. Gotta exploit that emotion! Check the episode on Grantaire's channel, the sound is awful (then cut the sound and activate the subtitles because thanks to Jamesina and Goodguyjean we had some ahead of time and what George/Hamid Saraj says is amazing.   
If you want to know more about Hamid Saraj's name, check zevlogofamiserable.tumblr.com's latest meta. And as usual, follow Grantaire on Insta (Grantairezemiserable) and Twitter (Hellomesamis). Newt week, you'll get more episodes.  
Seeya! :D


	11. Chapter 10: The smiles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which... Woah... you gotta check this out! Not telling you!

**Hamid Sa Rage: ** Well… the sound sucks but I guess it’s better than nothing. Your editing is fun. 

**Grand R:** And it’s the longest video. The person doing the subtitles cursed me. 

**Hamid Sa Rage:** But they did it. 

I must go now. 

Have a good day Grand R. 

And they’re off the Discord. A few minutes later, Grantaire receives a message from Combeferre  saying it’ll be ok. The remaining members of the ABCD validate the video. Now, it’s time to post. Or is it? Grantaire doesn’t really want to publish it. It sucks. The sound ruins everything, they know it. It drives them crazy. 

“Let go, Grantaire. Just post it,” Enjolras says. 

Grantaire turns in Lesgle’s chair to look at them. Enjolras is sitting on Lesgle’s bed; they actually spent the night here, after having spent the previous afternoon and having come back the next day to check if Grantaire was still alright. Well, they slept on the living room’s couch, their long legs hanging out of it. Grantaire caught sight of them sleeping when they woke up in the middle of the night because of a panic attack. And what a sight. Enjolras sleeps peacefully. A gift that they can do that considering how they refuse to blind themself from any shit that happens in the world. They gather their energy in the most beautiful way… although, they drool a bit. Or maybe Grantaire imagined it? They would have liked to share their mattress with Enjolras. They didn’t dare suggest it. 

Their mattress is big.

“Are you sure? It really has a shitty sound.”

“And subtitles. You did everything you could. It’s ok.”

“Yes… yes, you’re right. I mean, who cares?”

“I do. But I like this video.”

“You’re just being nice because I’m a mess,” Grantaire replies. “Well, fuck it. And it’s online… the weekly video. One day late.”

“It’s alright.”

Grantaire shrugs. 

“Anyway, time for you to go back to class or to whatever meeting you must attend and… time for me to… work on my next video. I have a meeting with Courfeyrac.”

“For next week, right? You won’t publish it this week. You’re taking a break.”

“You’re in no position to tell me to take a break, Enjolras,” Grantaire replies. 

“Is it for next week?”

Grantaire sighs. 

“Yes.”

“Good. And then, we’ll prepare our video together? With Marius?”

“Yes.”

Enjolras smiles and stands up. They seem to be about to approach Grantaire but they stop themself. 

“You’re doing great. You know  that, right ?”

Grantaire chuckles. Who is Enjolras kidding?

“I know. My existence is a blessing to humanity. I’m a delight.”

Enjolras raises their eyebrows but doesn’t deny it. They just start leaving the room. 

“Tell me when to meet for the nineteenth video. Then we’ll talk about what you plan next. Also, there’s a meeting tomorrow. You’ll be able to come?”

“I think so, if it’s the usual hour, but I’ll have to leave earlier for work.”

“Alright.”

Enjolras is about to leave and Grantaire feels like they have to say something now... or never. 

“Thank you.”

“You said that  already,” Enjolras replies, looking at Grantaire, light ly surprised. 

“I mean… you didn’t have to… come… but it helped.”

“It was nice, to be honest, to work with you.”

Grantaire smiles. And then winces. Vulnerability is hard. They feel like everything is insincere because they seem to feel so bad. Enjolras is just trying to be nice. 

“I mean everything I say.”

“I know.”

Grantaire hesitates and then, their blood pulsing in their ears; 

“Do you… do you… do you… like… do you…”

Everything sounds dumb in their brain and they’re unable to say it. 

“I really like you… I actually love you,” Grantaire finally blurts out, I mean it. “Sorry I suck. I always joke, but some things I say are true and this is true.”

Enjolras frowns. 

“We were supposed to be professional,” they say. 

“Ah! Come on!” Grantaire cries. “You come to my place to help me, you answer my texts right away, you… smile… I see it. In the videos. People see it.”

“And? I can’t smile?”

Grantaire scratches their forehead. What did they believe? Idiot them.

“You’re right. Forget it. Forget everything, right? Everything.”

Enjolras looks at the floor and slides their hands in to their pockets, refusing to meet Grantaire’s eyes. Then, they finally reach the door, about to leave.

“Don’t  get me wrong. I do enjoy your company. But here, it’s not about that.”

Fuck you, Grantaire thinks. 

“Alright, cool,” Grantaire replies. 

And Enjolras leaves for good. What was Grantaire thinking? They’re such a mess. How could Grantaire just think that maybe their affection was mutual?

Stupid.

Well, they have to get ready to see Courfeyrac. It’s no time to brood! Shooting will help them actually. They want to roll a spliff right now… or drink beer. Or both. Maybe they can have a beer with Courfeyrac. And shoot… that ’s kinda replaced weed, right? They dress up as pretty as they can, borrowing a tie from Bê’s drawer. A red one. And they take selfies in public toilets before posting them on Twitter. Probably only  they realize it’s a message to Enjolras like: “see what you miss asshole!... I’m pathetic but somehow enjoying myself by being an edgy mess, taking selfies in public toilets.”

_Grantaire trying to convey the right impression_

It’s a  complex message, it takes them a while to choose which one conveys the right message. Then, they’re almost late to meet Courfeyrac. They welcome them at the same place as  their last vlog together . Grantaire will be exorcising two bad encounters this time. The talk goes nicely. Courfeyrac is as sassy as they usually are and refuse s to reveal their darkest secrets to Grantaire, but this video will probably be more appreciated by the ABCD by remaining as professional as possible. No digressions, no dramas, no call outs, only activist facts. And the fact that Courfeyrac refuses to tell their secret can even be seen as a cautionary tale. There’s a moral! Grantaire sighs with relief when it ends. 

“So…” Courfeyrac says when the Gopro is off, “you talk a lot about other people’s drama, but what is up with you and Enjolras, exactly?”

Grantaire frowns and answers, “I’ll only reveal my sources  for another slice of the chocolate fondant.”

“We finished it,” Courfeyrac replies dryly, “the waitress apologized to another customer and explained there wasn’t any left.”

“Precisely.”

_ Grantaire and Enjolras discussing the tragic end of the chocolate fondant in the eighteenth vlog. _

“Come on, Grantaire, you just like to talk, and I’m encouraging you here. Not that I really care, I’m just investigating for the sake of our collective… or what’s left of it.  Enjolras used to be angry around you. Now, they’re just weird.”

“What do you mean by weird?”

“I mean… they smile in the videos!”

“Right?! It’s weird!”

“Yes! It is!”

“And they try eye-rolling but then they smile!”

“Yes!!”

“So, we agree there’s something?” Courfeyrac says, taking their cup of tea and gulping it abruptly. They’re really not as delicate and careful as Enjolras. 

Grantaire shrugs.

“I wish there was. But we’re pro bros.”

“Pro bros? As in… the kind of bros that give each other bro jobs?”

Grantaire gasps.

“You’re being vulgar!”

“I’m anticipating drama. If there’s sex here, as I explained in the video, there’s the potentiality of hierarchy and abuse. And the dramas could impact us all.”

“I don’t think the situation is similar. Enjolras is not my queer mentor. And also… the ABCD doesn’t have a leader.”

“Not officially,  but  we both know that it’s not true and some members have been talking of Enjolras having a favorite,” Courfeyrac says with a wince at the “some members”. 

Grantaire rubs their forehead with their fingers, disturbing their little hairs here and provoking an avalanche of dandruff as they touch it. This is really delicate. 

“Listen, I know it’s not like that. I’ve never seen Enjorlas with anyone before and I bet they’re the biggest aro-ace around,” Courfeyrac says, “but people are talking.”

Aro-ace… yes… that’s a possibility. Grantaire must be so obnoxious to them. But… Enjolras smiles, right? Doesn’t it mean anything? Grantaire suddenly feels very melancholic about it. They let out another deep sigh. 

“Can we get beers, here?” they ask.

“You, on the other hand,” Courfeyrac explains, “ you’ve been pretty heavily flirting  with them. Well, ‘flirting’… I’d call it ‘harassing’ if they noticed. Or seemed to mind.”

“They don’t, right ? ”

“Yes, well, in any case, maybe you should slow down on the flirtation. Just in front of the ABCD. Calm down.  Enough time for the animosity to calm down. Feuilly and Bahorel really had a hard time swallowing what happened with Bê’s video.”

Grantaire has to surrender to Courfeyrac’s advice. It makes total sense. They are, indeed, not subtle at all with Enjolras and it makes Enjolras’ attitude towards them seem suspect. They seem to be their “problematic fav” according to Lesgle while Enjolras is everything but partial. They’re just being fair with Grantaire, as they explain. There’s nothing personal. People are just seeing things because they’re petty and…

But the smiles... 

“Yeah… whatever. What about  those beers?” Grantaire says. 

“You’re a desperate case,” Courfeyrac retorts.

Grantaire grins. 

“But I know you only pretend to not listen. It’ll sink in… eventually. That’s what Marius says.”

So  they’ve been discussing Grantaire’s behaviour  with Marius . That’s exasperating. Well… but Courfeyrac just paid for Grantaire’s food , they can endure whatever humiliation as long as it goes with a fondant and a pie. 

When they part, Grantaire quickly texts Marius to tell her what Courfeyrac said and to ask her about the nineteenth vlog and when they can meet. Marius takes a bit to answer. She feels a bit overwhelmed these days with all her exams to prepare already. When do law students rest? It’s a serious question. Not a rhetorical one. Grantaire has no idea. She apologizes like ten times but then adds: 

_ But you also talk about me with other people. Hamid Saraj told me it happened when you shot and you said I was “ridiculously proud to not accept Courfeyrac’s help”. _

Grantaire said that. True. Well. But… Well. 

_ Wanna meet for a bubble tea tomorrow? _

_ You’re being avoidant.  _

_ Au contraire my lovely ingénue, it’s all about being… not avoidant since I’ll talk to you about this tomorrow!  _

_ Do you hear  _ _ that  _ _ sound? It’s Grantaire being a coward!! _

Grantaire shuts their phone. They have to work soon. Again. No time to go home… well, they’ll look fancy with their tie on at their job. It’s weirdly kinky actually. A client asks if they sell such ties in the costume  part of the shop. They have  stuff that’s  easier to untie but probably no real ties. Well, any tie should do. People have weird kinks about these and… 

Grantaire doesn’t want to know actually. 

They try to focus on work, but it’s the ideal place to not think of what you’re actually doing, and they quickly find themself cringing and remembering their earlier encounter with Enjolras and then their discussions with Courfeyrac and Marius. They wonder if Enjolras talks about them when they’re not there. Grantaire sure talks about them when they’re away. They do it a lot… too much. They’re mentioned in every single vlog actually. 

And Grantaire still doesn’t know what they want from them. Well, being acknowledged would be nice.  Not having their desires being ignored . Were they really harassing Enjolras? Were they that heavy? Is Enjolras aro-ace? Does that idea bother Grantaire? 

They talk a lot about sex but are so anxious about it. They’re not sure they ever want to have it with anyone, even Enjolras. It’s like… this weird thing that awakes desires to rub like a dog when they read shitty fanfictions but actually they don’t want to do anything that’s described in the fanfictions in real life? Or maybe. Maybe yes… 

Well, Grantaire had opportunities. Well.. no… maybe they did have opportunities that they weren’t fully aware of and… 

Well… a dude fucked them on the phone. And they had all these intense make out sessions while drunk or high in college. Their underwear got pretty wet but like… it’s instinctive, right? They didn’t really want it and they don’t miss it so much. It was to prove  something to themself but in the end…

And then nothing. 

Nothing for more than two years.

How is Enjolras? Are they experienced in fact? Does Courfeyrac know them so much? 

Fuck! Why do they keep obsessing over that “we should be professional”?

They don’t text Enjolras back about the nineteenth vlog. It’s not very “pro” but Grantaire feels like crap. No excuse probably. Nothing is an acceptable excuse to Enjolras. Everybody should always be ready to let everything down to fight and win causes. But sometimes, people just want to live. And theoretically, Enjolras knows that it’s also a legit way to fight, a real valid motivation. But they apply it badly to themself and their surroundings and…

And the smiles…

When they meet Marius before the ABCD gathering, they find themself reminded again of those: 

“I can’t wait to shoot with you both in les Jardins du Luxembourg! With both videos side by side, I bet it’ll look like a ‘from enemies to lovers’ thing.”

“Except we’re not lovers,” Grantaire replies. “Also, aren’t you eager to meet a certain woman in les Jardins du Luxembourg, in fact?”

“What? A certain wom… oh… ahah! No! No! Actually… actually, I avoid the gardens these days because I’m a bit… scared of scaring her? I don’t know. But if I’m not alone there, I’ll look less like a creep, I think.”

Grantaire looks at Marius with a skeptical expression. She looks like everything but a creep with her big blue eyes and blond hair… but well, sometimes people are paranoid… and right. 

Because Marius was totally acting like a creep, in fact. 

“So it’s exorcism for you too!”

“It is, actually,” Marius answers. 

And she slurps her tapioca bubbles to punctuate her sentence, and almost stifles herself by swallowing badly. She’s terrified, and Grantaire can’t help but laugh nervously. 

“You’d have died the way you lived!”

“Not funny! I’d like to see the park lady before I die… to apologize...is it dumb? Is it selfish? It’s probably selfish! By the way, what will be the theme of the nineteenth vlog? Will I feel dumb next to Enjolras?”

She has her straw back in her mouth and blinks at Grantaire. 

“We’ll talk about skepticism. I bet you’ll be good at it!”

And they ruffle her hair. 

“I’m glad you’re alive, Marius.”

She blinks again and smiles:

“Me too. And I bet it’ll be less awkward if I appear in your video. Only Enjolras and you… that would be schmaltzy.”

Grantaire rolls their eyes in a very Enjolras way. And then… it’s the hour to reach the Café Musain for the meeting. No. No… but well, they said they’d come. So they’ll go. 

On the way, they enjoy the autumn breeze. Well, enjoy--they like how cold it makes the tip of their nose and they remember enjoying kisses. Fall is the perfect time to kiss and cuddle, inside, outside. Winter is too much; so is summer. 

The breeze that slips under their clothes and all over their skin and makes them shiver, they enjoy less.

They meet Prouvaire outside and they share a cigarette. Grantaire is nervous. It shows. 

“It’s ok to only publish one video, you know,” Prouvaire says with a smile. “Well, one vlog since we still have our musical videos. Like… nobody resents you.”

“I hope so.”

“The video wasn’t bad… but the sound was tragically awful.”

“I’m really sorry.”

“Not your fault.”

Prouvaire raises their eyebrows. 

“Are you ok?”

Grantaire shrugs.

“Technology betrayed me once, it makes me feel all vulnerable and guilty! I’m trying to rationalize it by pretending it’s karma.”

“I get it.”

“Are you done you too?” Combeferre says, her head appearing at the door. “We’re about to start.”

Prouvaire crushes their cigarette on their shoe. Grantaire extinguishes their cigarette with their fingers and then puts it in their pocket. Enjolras is in the café. Fuck. Enjolras is in the café. Already. Grantaire is not ready. They try to catch their reflection in the glass cabinet. Of course,  they’re having a terrible hair day. Obviously. As they enter, they feel  Enjolras’ presence and their look and cautiously avoid it. They remain low profile during the whole meeting, holding themself back when a joke comes to their lips. And then, they remember that they have a very good excuse to leave earlier and use it way before they actually need to go. 

“I’m sorry, mes amis, but I have to leave you. I’ll miss you dearly as I sell ‘A prendre ou à lécher’ and other delightful porn movies with bad puns as titles.”

“I love those ,” Lesgle says. “They’re so creative. It’d be a dream job to  come up with  these titles.”

“Porn movie screenwriter is the dream job. Only use vowels.”

“I’d love a porn like a Sade novel… with weirdly surreal articulated sentences,” Combeferre says. 

“You’re weird,” Courfeyrac replies, looking at their screen.

Combeferre elbows them and Courfeyrac smiles. Enjolras awkwardly stands up. Grantaire avoids their  gaze .

“Hey… I… uh… just before you go, I wanted to say… and the collective wanted to assure you again that it’s perfectly fine to slow down on the video production. We’re all volunteers here. There’s no need to rush or overwork.”

“Yes,” Combeferre says, “it’s perfectly alright Grantaire. And you did things right with the subtitles.”

Grantaire nods, smiles, bows awkwardly, and then leaves the room. They wander a bit around the Seine near the used books booths. They’re in no mood to sniff them but they try to numb themself. They’re so… empty.

And behind it, they realize that they’re really angry. How dare Enjolras remind them indirectly of what happened between them with that stupid… sentence! It’s so awkward. Were they trying to give themself  a  good conscience? Fuck them! Don’t they have any respect? Any basic empathy? Well… maybe Grantaire deserve this. Maybe they actually harassed Enjolras for months…

But Enjolras never seemed to mind. Maybe…

Maybe Grantaire should have asked how they felt about it? Is it how you’re supposed to do it? This sounds dumb. “Hey Enjolras, do you mind me saying that I love you and that you’re obnoxious but fascinating and interesting and charismatic and amazing and incredible and…all that… as a joke? Do you mind?”

A joke. Grantaire sighs. They are a joke. And now it’s time to go to work. They arrive right on time and take their place as unenthusiastically as it could be. There are many clients and so they can focus on their job for real. They even try to be funny when selling vibrators. Creative. It’s nice. It’s nice… 

And then Enjolras enters the shop. 

What the fuck. 

Grantaire takes care of their clients, avoiding  looking at them, focusing on them as much as they can. They shiver though and hope it doesn’t show. Why do they have such a strong effect on them? It’s so distressing. 

When they’re done, they wait behind their counter and Enjolras, who was pretending to look at a wall of BDSM accessories, starts moving in their direction. 

And then, there’s another client. Bless him! Grantaire immediately rushes to help them. The client quickly leaves though and they’re alone in the shop. This time, Enjolras is more direct: 

“Hi, I’m not gonna bother you when you work, but can we talk after.”

“My shift ends in two hours.”

“There’s a café on the opposite street. I can work for my classes.”

Gantaire sighs, looks around, and then drops an: 

“Alright…”

Enjolras nods.

“Nice. Text me when you’re out.”

“I will.”

The two following hours are an endless torture. And there aren’t even that many clients to distract Grantaire. Fuck… Enjolras is outside. Outside… waiting for them. Is it a way to torture them or to apologize or to solve this issue? Do they know the effect they have on Grantaire? Do they feel the same? Or half the same?

They take their time to close the store and only text Enjolras when they’re in the street, but they can’t even hit the “send” button because Enjolras is already there. 

“I… put two and two together. You said two hours.”

“Smart,” Grantaire answers.

“It’s simple… I… do you want to have a drink? They only close in an hour.”

“Not so much,” Grantaire replies. “I just wanna go home, to be honest. The last RER is in thirty minutes, and I have a subway to take before.”

“Can I walk you to… the subway… maybe it’s on my way… we need to talk.”

“Do we?” Grantaire asks. “You made yourself pretty clear.”

Enjolras frowns briefly. 

“Don’t put me in that role. Can’t you just try to see things from my perspective? You’ve been joking at my expense for months.”

“I wasn’t joking!”

“You were!”

“It’s not like that… I have been… I’m a coward ok? Having feelings is hard. These jokes were my potential escape and I’ve tried to be serious and then you just… rejected me like…”

“You’ve been joking for months! While I was obviously interested in you…”

“Obviously? What do you even mean by interested? You kept humiliating me, judging me and making me feel like even more of a turd than I am!” Grantaire almost screams. How can Enjolras be that annoying without noticing?

“It’s because I cared about you!! I still do!”

“Then express it differently! You just sound like a judgy jerk!”

“Well you sound like a joking jerk!”

They breathe heavily, looking at each other with angry eyes. It’s so intense, it’s almost unbearable.

“It’s hard to… tell someone as obnoxious as you are that you admire them so much…”

Grantaire realizes they could have said this sentence, but they didn’t. Enjolras confessed. 

“You… admire me?”

“I… find you interesting. I’ve always wanted you to join the ABCD because you’re able to question people and navigate all the different opinions… I mean different acceptable opinions, and despite your messiness and the fact that you’re oh-so-irritating, you’re still liked and that’s a quality… that… I lack.”

“Great! Well I’m in the ABCD now! Are you happy?”

“Yes.”

“Glad to satisfy your desires! To fulfill your dreams! I live to serve!” Grantaire spits bitterly. 

Enjolras pursues: 

“But the ABCD won’t last forever… every week, I wonder if it will last one more week and I wish we could… stay… friends. After.”

“I… if that’s what you want… maybe. But I feel so judged by you all the time! I work in a sex shop! I don’t do fancy studies! I’m not an activist! Just an occasional stupid troll that doesn’t even dare to go that far.”

“You’ve learnt how to edit, you’ve learnt how to vlog… in English...hell, I don’t know how you do… I can barely look at my face in your videos. I am so unbearably haughty and my English is… what it is.”

“I’m good at looking at my own decay,” Grantaire winces.

“And you’ve stopped smoking… and maybe you’ll be able to draw again soon.”

Grantaire frowns. “Draw again?” What on earth…?

“How do you know about that?”

Enjolras frowns again. 

“Was it a secret? I  discussed it with Prouvaire.”

Grantaire really hates to discover what he said to someone is now known by someone else. They didn’t say it was a secret and Prouvaire is talkative. They don’t resent them. But still…

“No. It’s just… not gonna happen.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s not gonna happen, and I have no explanation to give you.”

Enjolras crosses their arms. They haven’t moved, they’re still in front of the sex shop, in a very weird alley… and the RER. They should go. 

“I have to go home,” Grantaire says. 

“Alright. But can I walk with you?”

“I can’t forbid you.”

Enjolras keeps frowning. Frowning and frowning and frowning. But not in a mean way. They’re lost. They walk in silence. The street is so dark at first, they barely see each other’s contours. But they reach a  large, clearly lit boulevard. Luckily, Enjolras is walking in front of Grantaire and their immense shadow is projected on them and protects them from a light too intense. Grantaire joins them in two steps. 

“Do you love me?” They ask abruptly. 

Enjolras frowns yet again. 

“I think I might.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey... Two more weeks (well I'll add an epilogue to this after) and we're done with this fic. This is getting pretty heavily but woah... that was an intense work. I hope you're enjoying the romance getting all concrete and I hope you'll like my bittersweet. I've finished shooting this week (one last episode has been on hold for a while because of schedules) and finished writing Ze Vlog last week during the Nanowrimo. I'm inbetween projects and have less things to say so no Meta this week on the Tumblr @zevlogofamiserable (but two more are planned and probably a conclusive post) and Grantaire has been less active on social networks... but they've also been more busy ahah.   
In any case, keep following them and zevlog :P on the Youtube Channel Grantairezemiserable also, the last song Grantaire did with Prouvaire is an anime song and I really enjoyed it so go check :D


	12. Chapter 11 : Fading moments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Enjolras and Grantaire are more open.

“But what is love exactly? I have no idea of what remains of it once we erase patriarchy and economical sexual exchange. And what are we supposed to do? What do we expect  from each other ? Are we supposed to commit? Are we just friends? I have no idea of what it changes between us or if it’s supposed to change anything,” Enjolras blurts out. 

They pause to breathe and Grantaire answers before they can add anything: 

“How does it feel?” 

“What?”

“To love?”

Enjolras considers it. 

“Mostly it’s distressing, but it also makes me ridiculously happy about certain things. I feel so… ridiculous when it happens, I swear.  I want to slap myself.”

“Because it’s me?”

“Yes… no…”

“You’re so insulting. It’s really not easy to love you either.”

“I didn’t ask you anything.”

“Isn’t it the point of love to hope for it to be mutual? Didn’t you enjoy it at least a bit that I was into you? That I am?”

“I don’t know? It’s terrifying? What am I supposed to do now?”

Grantaire really hates the fact that Enjolras turns mutual love into a horror movie. Aren’t they supposed to be in bliss? To experience full, complete, joyful, amazing happiness? Aren’t they supposed to feel amazing right now? Or is it part of the patriarchy? 

“What does make you happy in ‘love’?”

“When you make progress and you work well and seem to feel good about yourself.”

Grantaire raises their eyebrows. 

“What?” Enjolras asks. 

“You are awfully paternalistic!”

“I know! I can’t help it… well… fine, I like it when you…”

They wince. This is hard. Really hard. 

“When you do positive reinforcement with me even though it’s probably also paternalistic. Or the appreciation of a paternalistic behaviour. Those are traces of patriarchy aren’t they? I think we should just have sex, since we’re both afab we can find a way to make it not patriarchal… except you’re interested and I’m not.”

“I’m not interested either!”

“You talk about sex all the time!”

“Because it’s a way to cope!” Grantaire almost screams, tired of their endless misunderstanding. “I’m terrified of physical intimacy with real people. I only fap on fictional characters! Remember?”

Enjolras’ eyes widen. 

“So, you’re not interested either?”

“Well… I don’t… I’m not sure…”

“Your door is open to the possibility, mine isn’t… at the moment.”

Their eyes meet. Enjolras breathes heavily. 

“I can adapt,” Grantaire says. “And again, I’m not especially interested in sex right now.”

“Then what are you interested in? Again, what are we supposed to do?”

Grantaire doesn’t know how to answer that. Then, they remember their RER. They have to go anyway. This isn’t leading them anywhere. They’re both terrified of intimacy and unable to hear each other properly. They gather their thoughts and finally say: 

“I’m sorry, but I’m so glad you love me back. Let me have it for a bit and then we can talk and discuss everything that it involves.”

Enjolras shivers. It’s intense. Then, they look at their feet.

“I have to go,” Grantaire says. 

“I know. And you’re right. You… have it. I…”

They gulp. 

“I love you.”

Grantaire can’t help but smile. 

“I love you too.”

And Enjolras can’t help but smile either. And then, they frown. 

“Alright, go. We’ll see  each other when we shoot the nineteenth episode.”

“Yes, I’ll text you the hour.”

“Fine. Great. Perfect.”

Grantaire is still smiling and it takes them a few  too many seconds to turn  [back] on their heels and  head in the direction of the subway. They feel Enjolras’  gaze on them, and when they dare to glance over their shoulder, they notice that they’re actually really  being  watched. Enjolras awkwardly waves at them and Grantaire almost falls down  the subway stairs. Luckily, they keep their balance and their dignity and reach home. They travel through a strange dream, a weird state of amazement. It’s as if they were hit a hundred times by a gigantic hammer every second when they realize again that actually, yes, this just happened and they have no idea where it will lead but it is nice, right? It’s all sweet and swell and amazing and… what are they gonna do now? Is it what they wanted? What if they disappoint Enjolras? Do they have the right  to grow bigger expectations about Grantaire now that they’re togeth… are they together? No. They just confessed, they didn’t agree on anything. 

“You look terrible,” Bê says when they arrive, “and I say that as a person who just spent  the  day looking at naked old people.”

“Old people are hot,” Grantaire replies. 

But not as hot as Enjolras.

Wait, are they allowed to think Enjolras is hot since they’re not supposed to have sex? Are they allowed to even consider  themselves something? Fuck. They must prepare a list of questions for the shooting of the nineteenth episode. 

Luckily, they have a few days to calm down and think more before the shooting of the nineteenth vlog. Inbetween, the eighteenth vlog comes out and is actually generally appreciated by the ABCD. No drama. Enjolras sen ds them a brief: “Glad it was well received. It was a good episode”. But nothing more. But right before their shooting, they decide to meet a bit before to discuss because, as Grantaire awkwardly explains in their text: 

_ We won’t be alone, it’s a video shooting and I don’t want the ABCD to say again that we’re flirting or on a date… maybe we can manage it if we discuss first. _

It takes a bit  for Enjolras to answer, but finally, they end the suspense with a: 

_ That’s a good idea. Let’s meet in the park an hour before. _

An hour to settle all their problems. That sounds awfully short.

And it is actually awfully short. Again, they struggle to find each other in the park and  then  only thirty minutes remain before the meeting with Marius.  Then it’s  time to find a spot; twenty five minutes remain. They sit on a bench in front of a fountain with ducks. Grantaire loves ducks and films them to avoid talking because even though they’ve been impatiently waiting for this meeting, they actually don’t feel ready at all to discuss  anything right now.

“Ok, so… I made a list,” Enjolras says, slipping their phone out of their pocket. 

“Oh… I’m having PTSD,” Grantaire says with a smile.

“What?”

“Last time you showed me a list, you just burnt me alive.”

“That wasn’t my plan. Usually lists are a way for me to clear my thoughts. So, I’ve thought about what I could think of doing with you now that we’re both aware of a mutual inclination. A) demonstrations. I’d love to share that with you. You’re very witty and your comments could be amusing. Also, you have a good voice, we could sing together. And with the ABCD.”

“Erm… alright.”

This… isn’t exactly what Grantaire expected. Is Enjolras using their confessions to have Grantaire be more involved in activism? That’s not really fair. Enjolras  continues , not looking at Grantaire: 

“Alright, I check this one. B) discussions on a regular basis. I enjoy that. And if you’re ok with that, we could share remarks and observations on what we encounter every day. C) Meetings to work together. D) I’d like to help you with your work and  for  you to help me with mine. E) Maybe physical… closeness could be achieved step by step.”

Grantaire crosses their arms, trying to find peace by watching the ducks. 

“Is this a trap? Did you plan a contract?”

“I’m just trying to do things well.”

“Political deconstruction is the death of romance.”

“Romance is the death of women’s independence.” 

“Do you really fear me?” Grantaire asks. 

“Yes.” Enjolras replies. 

They look intensely at Grantaire. They don’t seem scared at all. 

“Is it because I tried to kiss you at la Mutinerie?” Grantaire asks. “I’m sorry, I thought…”

“It’s ok. You didn’t insist when I said no,” Enjolras replies. “It’s just that you make me feel things, and  feeling things is losing control. That is scary.”

_ Things.  _

“I guess it is. So… can I ask why you didn’t want to kiss me?”

“I wasn’t sure and I wasn’t ready and I thought you were laughing at me or expecting to sleep with me… I’m sorry.”

“Are you ready now?” Grantaire blurts out. 

Enjolras blinks with perplexity.

“You didn’t even answer to my list. Would you like to do  any of  that?”

“Mostly, yeah… but don’t expect me to go to every demonstration with you. I have a life and I don’t enjoy it.”

“I saw your video. That’s expected. So we have a deal.”

“I guess.”

“Consent must be certain,” Enjolras says. “If you want to discuss certain conditions…”

“In any case, I’d be able to renegotiate at any time.”

“Yes.”

“Do you want to kiss now?”

Enjolras frowns. 

“I’m not certain,” they reply. 

Grantaire sighs. 

“You want this?”

“I’m not sure either,” replies Grantaire, out of pride. 

Enjolras smiles, which makes Grantaire’s heart melt, and they pat Grantaire’s leg quickly, which makes them shiver.

“Then let’s take the needed time to decide.”

Grantaire nods. 

“Now, what are your needs?” Enjolras asks. “Do you want anything?”

Shit. They should have thought about it and prepared themself better. Quickly, an idea. Ok… 

“Can I draw you?”

“What? Yeah… sure? You want to draw again?”

Now, Grantaire really literally got this from their ass. But yes? Yes? Maybe they want to try it. 

“I want to draw you.”

“What am I now? A muse?”

“You could be.”

“Don’t… be like that. I know most people find me pretty. In some activist circles I’m not taken seriously because of that, and people shut me down by calling me the ‘model’ or things like that.”

“It’s not like that… I just like… you’re handsome and charismatic, but mostly because of the way you are. Passionate people are...fascinating.”

“That’s unhealthy, I don’t want to be fascinating. I want to be heard.”

“Being fascinating helps, I swear.”

“Causes are more important than me.”

“Are you for real? You know how awful a construction it is as well to believe you’re a spirit disconnected from your body  whose goal is to  endlessly produce things that supposedly will survive us? You know that existing in itself right now outside of their norms is subversive in itself? And we don’t need to… think so far outside of their boxes to be subversive by loving each other.”

Suddenly, Grantaire has an idea for next week’s videos, which haven’t been planned yet. They know someone who can talk about this kind of matter very well. 

“You’re being schmaltzy… and cheesy… and overwhelming,” Enjolras says slowly. “Why are you like this?”

“Why are  _ you _ like this?”

Enjolras smiles again. They look at the Gopro and then at the ducks.

“Would you like to hold hands?”

“Yes…”

And so they do… for like… three seconds because then Marius texts them to say she ’s arrived. She’s so nervous, it’s quite painful. Luckily, she brought weed and quickly smoke d before meeting them. And then the effect starts and she’s suddenly way too relaxed. They find a spot away from the usual bench where the lovely lady appeared. The shooting starts and Marius is… really weird. She overplays the chill and seems to not follow everything they say. The theme is a bit bold, but they discussed it with Enjolras before hand . It’s about skepticism and what it means today and…

“Excusez-moi…”

Suddenly, a petite person with brown hair and a cute little woolen coat interrupts their video, saying she wants to talk to “Lovely Marius”. Marius jumps on the bench, her eyes wide open.

_ _

_ The nineteenth vlog interrupted by the mysterious lady _

The mysterious lady. 

And she said “lovely Marius”.

She’s seen Grantaire’s vlogs?!!

Grantaire cuts the Gopro and they look at Marius and the lady who walk a bit to talk alone. It lasts a while...

Enjolras shrugs:

“It seems so easy to flirt when you see them.”

“So you’ve noticed they were flirting.”

“Duh… I’m not that emotionnally incapacitated.”

Grantaire smiles. 

“I love you.”

“Are you gonna say it all the time?”

“I can say it off camera. Can’t I?”

Enjolras shrugs again.

“I guess. Now turn the camera on.”

“Coward,” Grantaire teases.

Enjolras is blushing. Grantaire starts filming again and then Marius is back, telling them an unbelievable story about the mysterious lady, because it’s her. Yes it is. Cosette (that’s her name) worked as an assistant for Frédéric Madeleine, their current finance minister. She uncovered a very dirty story of fraud, embezzlement and even trafficking and identity theft as; as it turned out, Frédéric Madeleine wasn’t even the guy’s real name which was… something stupid like Jacques Jacqueval… In any case, the story had been revealed three weeks ago actually and… 

Nobody cared because the era  has  changed, and they  aren’t in a time when politicians stealing the government’s money was at all surprising. Cosette came here to meet the journalist who revealed her story and she became paranoid and was afraid Madeleine sent spies or people to arrest her and when she noticed Marius, she thought she was one of them. 

AHAHAHAH.

But then, actually, she never was in danger because Madeleine was very entitled and didn’t give a crap about her revelations… and he was right not to . And then a friend of Cosette randomly found Grantaire’s videos, put two and two together, and Cosette decided she found Marius cute and to make the best of the situation by having a café with her. 

Cute.

Depressing and cute at the same time. 

_ Grantaire and Enjolras looking at Marius leaving to get ready for her date _

“See,” they tell Enjolras after they managed to finish shooting the episode without Marius, “love can be an excellent and subversive  way to cope with the tragedy of life.”

“Or a distraction from our real purposes. She should keep fighting to  take that Frédéric Madeleine down. I’ve been retweeting, writing about,  and meeting people about this for two weeks now…”

“There are stakes. She needs to work, and if she’s associated with the fall of her ex boss… or even just trash-talking him, there are risks for her.”

They look at Enjolras, awkwardly putting a hand on their shoulder.

“Nobody can fight all the time. Even you.”

Enjolras sighs. 

“I know this theoretically.”

Grantaire smiles.

“Care to share a drink? I want to talk to you about ideas I have for the next vlogs.”

“Alright… but then you’ll have to share it with the ABCD. Also… do you think we should tell them about us? It could affect the collective so… our responsibility should be to...say something ?”

“Would it make you uncomfortable?”

“Yes.” 

“Then let’s wait. In any case, we haven’t kissed and we’re not shagging. To most of them, there’s not much to say about ‘us’,” Grantaire replies.

“Touché,” Enjolras says with a nod. 

They find a cheap place to share a drink (a tea for Enjolras and a beer for Grantaire, as usual). There, Enjolras asks them about their next vlogs, which Grantaire kind of teased as: “videos about people who wished they could be part of the ABCD, but…”

“Yeah… well, most of the vlogs I shot with les Ami-e-s de l’ABCD created drama… so I figured I should make more vlogs with people from outside the ABCD.”

“Who do you have in mind?”

“WELL!  I’m g lad you ask; I was thinking, to echo your concerns, of my friend Gavroche who’s not in any organization because no meeting place is accessible. Online activism…”

_ 20th vlog with Gavroche _

“Which is real activism.”

“I know.”

“I just don’t want you to put words in my mouth,” Enjolras says. 

Grantaire smiles and holds back a dirty joke.

“Anyway… I bet we can make a good video. He speaks English well, he’s fun, and we have great chemistry!”

“Alright. Well, talk about it with the whole ABCD and we’ll see. I have no objection.”

“Nice. Then, I have another friend who can tell you a LOT about economical sexual exchange and patriarchy and shit. Musichetta.”

_The 21th vlog with Musichetta_

“The one with whom you rant about the new _Fruits Basket_ anime.”

“How do you know?”

“You inadvertently sent me, like… ten texts about the last episode you watched.”

“Fuck! No wonder she didn’t answer me! Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I figured you’d figure  it out  and it would be embarrassing enough for you,” Enjolras replies with a very neutral face. 

Grantaire doesn’t know if they’re joking or not. Enjolras could be a magnificent troll with that gorgeous expressionless face right now.

“Anyway, what do you think?”

“I think it’s a good idea to have Musichetta, then. But do things right… The ABCD is tense right now.”

“Yes?”

“People have had enough of it… and… well… to be honest, me too. We were more of a group of friends than a group of activists and, to be honest, it’s getting in the way. But we’re still relevant, and I’m not ready to give up. Nor is Combeferre. Just… let’s do things properly.”

Grantaire didn’t expect Enjolras to be that open with them… of all people. 

“Alright,” they reply with a nod. 

“Thanks.”

There’s a silence as they both decide to drink and gulp in the noisiest possible way. Then, Grantaire finds a pen in their pocket and takes their napkin where they decide to try… tracing something. No stakes. It’s a stupid napkin, right? They look at Enjolras and get the shape of their face down, trying to not think of the fact that their work lacked precision and observation and didn’t respect some rules and was too down to earth and not creative and not telling anything and…

“Are you drawing me?” Enjolras asks.

“It’s an attempt.”

“I guess I have to let you.”

“Not if you actually mind.”

“I don’t.”

They look at Grantaire and smile for a very tiny moment that Grantaire somehow manages to capture. 

_ Grantaire's drawings of Enjolras _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys.... next week this will be the end. I'll post both the final chapter and the epilogue of this fic. You can see, the end is near. I hope you enjoyed the trip :D I'm pretty happy to get rid of this GINORMOUS project myself but I'm sure I'll miss it. It has been... hard... but also very interesting. Also, I have to say, I'm greysexual but not ace and it's my first ace romance, if I've been disrespectful in any way and you happen to be ace, you can tell me. I have things to learn!!  
I don't talk so much about the vlogs in this chapter but I'm very proud of the two vlogs I published this week with Gavroche and Musichetta. I'm glad of what I made of these characters in Zevlog especially Gavroche (his house is the street in the book but in zevlog... he's kicked out of it.) Also... in this chapter you learn Jean Valjean is a fraudulent politician. It's really OOC but well, it's a take to comment on current evens....erh.   
As usual, check the Youtube Channel, Grantairezemiserable and you can also check Grantaire's Instagram (@grantairezemiserable) and Twitter(@hellomesamis). :P I'll post more drawing by Grantaire there (I have some wip). Also this week meta on Tumblr explained my clothing choices. You should check it (@zevlogofamiserable)  
See you!


	13. Chapter 12: Lack of spirit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which things need to change

The last vlogs were well-received by the ABCD (although apparently Grantaire advertised the ABCD  badly, saying it was full of drama at the end of their video with Gavroche), Grantaire already shot another one with their friend Remus (it’s gonna be long since Remus is a woman of science), they’re surviving at work, and their roommates are pretty chill. They text every day with Enjolras and  they’ve  hung out three times since last week. 

_Grantaire with Remus in the 23d vlog_

Why is everything going so well? It’s actually pretty distressing. If it wasn’t for their budget anxiety, death anxiety, future anxiety, society-about-to-collapse anxiety and own incapacity-to-exist-as-a-proper-human-anxiety, they could almost say that  they were  happy. 

That’s what they tell Marius when they meet for their now traditional weekly bubble tea.

“That’s amazing, Grantaire, I’m so proud!”

“Because I’m anxious about being chill for once in my life?”

“Because you shared your true feelings with me. Also how is Enjolras? So you two are an item? How does it work?”

Grantaire sighs.

“I’d like to not only be considered through the prism of my relationship with a superior being.”

“Enjolras is not superior. And to be honest, I’m just frustrated you didn’t ask me about my own new relationship.”

“You have a new relationship?”

“I’m dating Cosette!!” Marius squeals. 

Grantaire nods.

“I’ve seen that...online. On your Insta, Facebook, Twitter, and even your Skyblog…”

“YEAH! Skyblog still works! Amazing! We wanted to try. We look good  in  that selfie with the contrast pushed to maximum don’t we? It’s the ancestor of Instagram filters.”

“You should have added Blingee glitters.”

“Oh!! I’ll tell Cosette.”

Grantaire hesitates because up to now Marius has been pretty consistent in being oblivious but, eventually, they decide to ask: 

“Have you seen Eponine lately?”

“Not really. I’m not  at home so much… and I’m totally fucking up my law studies, but I don’t care; my grandfather is actually legally forced to keep sending me money… I didn’t learn that in class, but Courfeyrac and Hamid Saraj did and they’re gonna help me prepare a file to, like, sue him for free with social help and all and get the old asshole’s money!”

“… True friendship. They’re gonna do paperwork for you.”

“Well, with me.”

Grantaire raises their eyebrows. Marius is probably not gonna be very efficient. It’s as if... 

“So… how is Cosette?”

“She’s so amazing! Where should I start, well, last time I saw her, it was like two hours ago, we…”

And then, Marius starts a massive logorrhea about how Cosette is the greatest person on earth, so funny and smart, and clever, and witty, and beautiful, and fashionable, and did she mention smart already? And they totally had sex and it was amazing! Best sex ever! Marius is truly a lesbian!

“That’s great…”

“What about Enjolras? Did you…?”

“We’re not… that interested in that,” Grantaire replies.

“Really? You talk about sex all the time! And you work in a sex shop!”

“I’m into the idea of sex? In fiction… between two sexy androgynous men with no penises, preferrably drawn in black and white.”

“Nerd.”

“And you’re depraved!” Grantaire replies, elbowing Marius, who chuckles. 

“You’re full of surprises!”

“That’s me.”

“So, again, are you together - together? Committed?”

“Kinda? I think… and… I mean, we said we loved each other.”

Marius gasps. 

“You guys… are so romantic!! Ah! I can’t! So cute!!!!!”

“Don’t ever tell Enjolras you think we’re cute!” Grantaire says with a grin. Enjolras would really hate it. 

“I’m so happy you were finally able to be honest with yourself… the moment I saw you  two on that bench, I knew you’d end up together.”

“Oh yeah… during the disaster vlog. I remember. You even stayed behind us like a creep! Why did you think that? We were fighting!”

Marius smiles.

“Sorry… yeah… I was a creep. I took a picture actually… sorry.”

“Once a creepy , forever creep.”

“I know… but do you want to see it? You’ll get why I knew you’d end up together!”

Grantaire raises their eyebrows. Really? They shrug. 

“Yeah… whatever.”

Marius shows them the picture. It’s just Enjolras and them, next to one another on the bench… talking. 

“It looks like you’re gonna lean in for a kiss! You’re way too close to be fighting,” Marius says. “Body language never lies!”

Really… ?

_ They're not that close but Marius is a shipper _

And now what?

“Can you send me that  pic ?”

“Why for? Is it a memory? You’re so sentimental, Grantaire, I didn’t expect that from you.”

“I’m full of surprises,” Grantaire replies. “Will you send it?”

Marius nods. They soon have to part because Grantaire has a shift starting soon. After that, they’re supposed to meet with Enjolras to discuss their next vlog. Grantaire has no precise idea of what to do. They were thinking of a song with Enjolras. They’ve heard them singing along with the crowds on demonstration videos, and their voice is pretty good actually. They could find a song to sing with Prouvaire and comment on it as an episode. They don’t know what they’ll sing yet. Maybe they could try finding a non-revolutionary song and subvert the lyrics. Grantaire must think of it. 

“You’re late,” Grantaire’s boss comments as they arrive. 

Grantaire is right on time but they don’t say a thing. Not apologizing nor denying. 

“Last time, you ended your shift earlier.”

True, but it was after a week of ending it a bit later. Grantaire keeps that to themself too. 

Instead, they ask, “Are you OK?”

The guy looks at them with a surprised face.

“What. Yeah.”

“I mean, you’re obviously discharging some tensions on your employee, that is to say me, right now,” Grantaire says. “Probably, you’re not doing so well…maybe, instead of being used as some punching-ball, I can serve a therapeutic purpose as, you know, benevolent ears.”

There’s a silence. The guy looks at Grantaire with the weirdest face.

“Should I go home?” Grantaire asks.

“No, that’d be worth y of  a  lawsuit and no salary but I’ll think about firing you after  this shift.”

“That’s the spirit,” Grantaire replies.

They spend their time checking  job listings  on their phone and ignoring the late clients. The end up scrolling on Instagram. Marius and Cosette are everywhere, kissing, holding hands, looking at each other over tables. Fuck, that was fast. They also find a selfie of Courfeyrac and Combeferre in an embrace with an ironic(?) “Gals being pals” in neon and aubergines emojis. It’s in a story… Grantaire usually never checks people’s stories. Have they been doing that kind of stuff for long? Is the entire earth shagging behind their back? They text Hamid Saraj about it because they know Courfeyrac well and Prouvaire because they know Combeferre well. 

_ They’re on and off. Courf is intense but proud and too cautious, I think,  _ Prouvaire texts. 

_ I understand that Combeferre only considers engaging romantically when certain of all the factors but she’s excessively intellectual about this and doesn’t let go easily which is very alarming to Courfeyerac who is more impulsive and has to hold back some feelings, _ Hamid Saraj answers.

Grantaire wonders if it’s ok for them to reveal all of this to their ass and asks that.

_ She doesn’t mind you knowing,  _ Prouvaire answers. 

_ No stakes in telling you, _ approves Hamid Saraj.

What does it mean? Is Grantaire sort of a joke among them? The last to be informed. 

_ Who else fucks whom while we’re at it?  _ they ask. 

_ Most of us made out with Lesgle at parties but not everyone,  _ Hamid Saraj explains.

_ Had a crush on Courf myself for a while but we stayed bros, _ Prouvaire says.

Ok… Grantaire kinda knew about Lesgle. Actually, Bê is probably the only one she hasn’t kiss ed at parties. 

Hamid Saraj texts them again: 

_ Also Bahorel and Feuilly had a thing I think but I don’t know if we’re supposed to say or not because Feuilly has a boyfriend but maybe he knows. In any case, drama shouldn’t get in the way of activism. Oh… but also I’m no longer part of the ABCD, lol.  _

And then it’s Prouvaire: 

_ Also I think there’s something between you and Enjolras but feel free to talk about it when and if you want. No pressure. Just to give you  _ _ a  _ _ heads up.  _

Grantaire grins before wincing. Is it so obvious? Well, duh, it is. But they thought they were just looking hopeless and pathetic. Not like… about to have something with Enjolras.

All this drama distracts them from the fact that they’re about to get fired. Or are they? In any case, maybe they should quit. This job is killing them. When they join Enjolras, their energy is dramatically low. They sit in a McDonald’s even if it’s EVIL because everything else is closed at this time. If Grantaire wants to catch an RER, they should leave soon. 

So, you meet Remus tomorrow to shoot this episode in the style of your latest vlogs. They were really interesting by the way, I contacted Gavroche, and we decided to work together to create more awareness around disability problems in activist circles. Musichetta is in contact with Lesgle and Bê for some drag work also… apparently... anyway, after all that, what? You want an episode with me again? Next to these, it will be a bit flat,  won’t it?

“Well, yes… and I was thinking of an episode with a song,” Grantaire replies with a yawn.

It’s hard. Relationships, especially with Enjolras, are hard work. They’re exhausted. 

“Alright… well, you want me to sing?”

“Yes, but I’ll find something political and we can discuss its implications?”

“Ok, send it to me one day before the shooting so I can rehearse.”

Rehearse… so Enjolras rehearses. That’s cute. They’re  a perfectionist in  everything . Grantaire can’t help but yawn again. They take some paper and a pen to draw Enjolras again. They’re getting better at it, and during the last meeting, they also managed to capture some ABCD members. It was interesting. It’s not amazing, but you can tell who’s who. It’s already something, right? Enjolras frowns.

“Why are you drawing?”

“To keep your face with me forever,” Grantaire replies mindlessly.

“Is that supposed to be cute? Because it’s scary.”

“Not incompatible, generations of waifu have shown us that. Anyway…”

“Is it to not fall asleep? You seem excessively tired. Maybe we should part,” Enjolras says, “so that you can get some rest.”

Grantaire shakes their head.

“No… no! I want to spend time with you… just...Do we have to always work?”

“I like to work with you,” Enjolras replies.

“Me too… but can we just chill at some point? I’d like to chill… and rest my head on your shoulder and hug… you know, stuff people do…”

“People do that, indeed. We could do that. I’m sorry I didn’t offer it. I’m really sorry to not have anticipated your desire although, is it a passive aggressive way to pressure me into doing other ‘stuff people do’?”

God! They’re not making it easy. And also… they talk so fast. 

“No.”

Enjolras hesitates and then, they tentatively reach  for  Grantaire’s hand under the table. They’ve been doing that. Grantaire doesn’t move to grab their hand. They’re too irritated and exhausted. Enjolras keeps their fingers on Grantaire’s though.

“You really do look tired. Let’s talk about other things.”

“Ok… then choose. I don’t have the energy to think about it,” Grantaire replies a bit dryly.

Enjolras considers it and then they say: 

“Let’s keep it to France… we could talk about the disaster that has been the one year anniversary of the Gilets Jaunes… Cops did  shit … well closer to us, a student tried to burn themself alive in front of their college; they were aiming  at the lack of social help, the government, neoliberalism, capitalism, fascism… you’ve seen it?

“Yes, and nobody noticed because we’re numb at this stage. Usually, this would have lead to a revolution,” Grantaire recites, repeating Enjolras’ Twitter thread word for word. 

“I know this is tiring but we need to talk about it,” Enjolras says.

“I know,” Grantaire says, “it’s awful.”

They’re gonna get fired. What will become of them? They haven’t worked enough to get inactivity money. They’re perfectly unable to focus on the terrible things Enjolras wants to discuss. 

“Maybe we can make it the topic of the next video instead of the song?”

“Maybe.”

That won’t happen, but they’re not in the mood to fight openly right now.

“Alright.”

And then, it’s time for them to separate because RER  trains don’t run so late. At the subway station, Enjolras takes the initiative to hug Grantaire. Their long arms are very tight around them and it actually feels pretty good. Grantaire is so tired that they almost fall when Enjolras releases them. They catch them. 

“Go get some rest.”

“Alright, my captain!”

“I do care for you, Grantaire, is there something on your mind?” Enjolras asks.

“I’m just depressed by the current state of society…”

And I’d like to be allowed some happiness. 

“I’ve... been thinking about kissing your lips,” Enjolras lets out with a very weird voice. “Would that be OK, eventually?”

Grantaire’s heart jumps in their chest. 

“Next time we ’ll see… if I wear your color.”

“My color?” Enjolras asks. 

“Red, you often wear red.”

“Do I?”

They lean  in a bit, probably not so aware of it themself. Grantaire wants to kiss them right now but they also want to wait. Whatever? First kisses always suck right? Maybe now would be a good t…

And now it’s Enjolras who backs up.

“We have a deal, they say.”

They shake hands with Grantaire. 

Fucking blue balls. Or the ace equivalent to that.

Grantaire craves contact right now. 

The shooting with Remus goes pretty well, but the editing is gonna be intense because she talked a lot… and it was amazing, but Grantaire knows now how much time it’s gonna require. Argh. Tiring. So tiring. How are they gonna be able to do this? 

Because of course, they aren’t fired and, of course, they don’t have the guts to quit. 

Grantaire loves what they do, they love their new relationship with Enjolras, they love having a bit of money to buy drinks  when they’re out  or tip drag queens when they go see Bê’s shows, they love to draw again and to see people’s reaction to what they attempt, it’s pretty heartwarming actually and people have been pretty nice on social networks as well. 

But they’re so so tired. It’s endless. Is it winter depression or is it exhaustion? What can they do to stop this?

Just stop everything?

But that will make them even more depressed, right? 

When they arrive to shoot the “musical episode” with Prouvaire and Enjolras at Prouvaire’s place, Grantaire’s level of enthusiasm and energy is actually very, very low. 

But still, they wear a red scarf because they want Enjolras to know that...they’re willing to kiss. It’s not gonna solve anything and they’re not sure they want this but they know that if Enjolras wants it, they want to please them. 

They meet in the building’s hallway actually, waiting for Prouvaire to answer the interphone and open the door. 

“Hi!”

“Hello!”

There’s an awkward silence. Still no sign of Prouvaire answering their call. Grantaire rings the bell again. 

“This scarf is red,” Enjolras notices.

“It is.”

They smile briefly. 

“Maybe we…”

“Hey! You can enter!” Prouvaire says in that weird artificial tone that machines give.

Grantaire winces and shrugs but as they walk to reach the elevator, Enjolras grabs their sleeve and they turn to face them. Their fingers still nervously clenched on Grantaire’s sleeve, slowly, Enjolras leans to kiss them while Grantaire gets on the tip of their feet.

“I don’t want sex here,” Enjolras says right before closing their eyes.

“I kn…”

Grantaire is interrupted by the kiss and it’s, oh, so soft and tender and they would have liked it to last longer, but immediately Enjolras breaks apart with a:

“Sorry! I interrupted you! This is really disrespectful…”

“What’s disrespectful is interrupting a kiss,” Grantaire replies, grabbing Enjolras’ collar to start another one.

This feels so good. Enjolras frowns but they let Grantaire start another kiss and slowly lean into it, wrapping their long arms around Grantaire’s body in a tender embrace. It feels like melting. It’s so careful and sweet. Grantaire’s heart beats so strongly. It’s almost too much. Too intimate, too close, too good.

And then, before they know it, they’re crying. They try to hold back but they eventually have to breathe. They manage to hide their tears by hugging Enjolras, breathing  in the smell of their jacket softly.

“Grantaire? Are you alright? Was it alright?”

They can’t answer, so Enjolras takes a step back to look at their face.

“Oh… was it that bad?”

Grantaire chuckles. 

“It was too good. But I can’t appreciate the good and it makes me sad.”

“I enjoyed it too,” Enjolras says, “but you’re unwell.”

“I’m a mess. I’m… unable to quit a shitty job that is killing me, killing myself even more  [into] by  doing these videos that will never pay and I can’t even enjoy being this close to you. I don’t deserve you,” they manage to say without sounding too whiny but with a weirdly disconnected voice instead. 

“Oh… well... that I can relate to, to be honest. Not to minimize your feelings. Just… I… reassure myself by thinking it’s all systemic. Like, I feel like I don’t deserve anything… well, you included, because I was raised as a woman with imposter symptom in the package. And I have to keep fighting… and it includes following my… h… what I want. You taught me that. Anyway...how long have you felt  this way?”

This is such a weirdly timed and awkward confession but it warms Grantaire’s heart to know that they’ve helped them. It’s somehow perfect. They grab Enjolras’ long hand and bring it to their mouth to kiss before saying:

“A while. I don’t like to say it, you don’t have to carry me.”

“Talking helps. Maybe you can contact again that online therapist you mentioned.”

“Yeah…”

“Or talk with me, Marius, Prouvaire, Bê and Lesgle… people around…”

“Yeah…”

They look at each other and it’s, again, unbearably nice, so, of course, Enjolras says something political: 

“You’re trapped in a deathly system… we all are, you can’t escape it nor survive it alone.”

“Yup… anyway, let’s shoot this episode.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yup! Prouvaire is waiting.”

They call the elevator. 

“I wanted to tell you, that musical song is actually insultingly apolitical to me. Are you sure about your choice? I learnt it though… But the structure is absurdly complex, which makes it  anything but popular and is a bit elitist, I’m not sure I got it by ear. Would you mind me changing it a bit? I don’t think this will make an amazing episode but I guess I should trust you.”

Grantaire enters the elevator and drags Enjolras inside. Then, they pat their shoulder with a: 

“Keep quiet for now, wait for me to turn on the Gopro, OK?”

It’s gonna be a good video. 

_ _

_ Prouvaire, Grantaire and Enjolras in the 22nd vlog _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey...   
Tomorrow, I'll post the last chapter and today I'll post the last video on the channel (grantairezemiserable) you can read my last meta on tumblr (@zevlogofamiserable) and you can check Grantaire's last tweets and pics on Twitter (@hellomesamis) and Insta (@grantairezemiserable).  
Thanks a lot. This is all very bittersweet.


	14. Epilogue: Le Temps des Cerises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which people gather together before saying goodbye.

_ "Do you permit it" in the 24th vlog _

“So, you tell me it’s the end… like that? And then… we rant about ...”

“The fact that all the ‘important people’ in France are white men.”

“Right. Of course. Of course.”

Grantaire looks at Enjolras with uncertainty. Behind the Gopro, Marius, who came out of curiosity and to help with framing supposedly, can’t hide her worry either.

“How do you feel?” Grantaire asks Enjolras.

“Exhausted, but there’s relief. I already told you.”

“No, you told me it didn’t matter,” Grantaire objects. “And still, you’re certain you want to do that last vlog?”

“Yes, I’m certain of that. I want it. Symbolically.”

“You don’t want to talk about all the insurrection and social movements around the world? About the echoes of revolution everywhere? About the anti-islamophobia demonstration, about that TV reality show where they want to show people doing that risky stomach operation to lose weight?”

“We can’t talk about everything, Grantaire. I think ending here is alright. Why the Panthéon also?”

“I don’t know… it’s close to Courfeyrac, Hamid Saraj and Marius’ uni, so I always pass by but I never get into it. Also, it’s close to Les Jardins du Luxembourg and I spend my life there. And Marius met her girlfriend there and we… well…”

“Yeah… so, it sounds like a good idea.”

Grantaire hugs Enjolras briefly.

“What is that for?” Enjolras asks.

“You should be heartbroken after what happened.”

“I’m not. The end of the ABCD isn’t the end of everything. Let’s keep shooting while the sun is up, alright? You don’t want another lighting accident like with Remus’ video?

“Yes.”

Grantaire pats Enjolras’ back and starts the Gopro. That’s it, the last vlog of a Misérable and the ABCD, they decided. The association no longer exists. Most members left and the remaining ones (Prouvaire, Combeferre and Enjolras) decided to stop it. Grantaire can keep using the Gopro, but it won’t be the same format and they’ll have to start a new channel. Not that bad, in fact, there weren’t that many followers there in any case. They just visited the Panthéon and now they’re commenting right in front of it. It’s gonna be an informal announcement and they’ll have to shoot one last song with Prouvaire but then, no more videos.

Of course, Grantaire has known for a while that it was the end of the ABCD, they’ve been “dating” it’s unofficial leader for two weeks now. They’re getting more comfortable around one another and saying that kind of stuff is natural. Venting about their feelings, is, obviously, harder. 

Poor Enjolras. Grantaire has tried to be with them as much as possible, listening to their endless rants on the state of the world and how it’s all because of neoliberalism and capitalism. It doesn’t seem to set them in such a good mood. So they’ve also tried physical interactions, hugs, kisses, everything you need? Well, everything that Grantaire needs now. But in the end, Enjolras is their usual self. But with more brooding. 

Grantaire’s mood isn’t so much better either and they’re a bit scared about what they’re gonna do without the Gopro when it all ends… Maybe they should quickly find themself another hobby? Well, it’s kinda the case since Prouvaire and Combeferre asked for drawings from them (paid with an association’s money for Combeferre and with food and a bit of weed for Prouvaire). But this won’t pay the rent…

....that they’ve been paying for so long now that it’s become normal and Lesgle has money issues these days so Grantaire shouldn’t weight on her by stopping paying. 

In any case, maybe the job won’t be so hard to endure once they stop shooting the vlogs… but also… what about the void once it’s over, the terrifying void?

“Nothing will be over,” Grantaire, Lesgle assured them yesterday when they opened up a bit about what happened, your friends are all still around, we’ll keep hanging out together, Enjolras will still be your unofficial life partner… when the fuck are you gonna tell everyone?”

“Well, people know already, why bother telling?”

“It makes us uncomfortable!” Bê exclaimed from the kitchen.

“Not my problem,” Grantaire replied. 

Then, they thought that maybe, precisely, the problem was that nothing was gonna change. Maybe they wanted things to change. Maybe what they actually wanted was an ultimate turn of events in their life, an escape…

“You want to go permaculture in the countryside with me?” Feuilly asked Grantaire when he casually asked if it ever happened to them to want to quit everything and start over under a brand new name because, although young, the weight of their existence was already too heavy. 

Actually, Grantaire didn’t really want that. Maybe one day… but not now. Permaculture was probably wonderful but Grantaire wasn’t able to grow anything which made them very frustrated when they tried cultivating marijuana. 

What a waste of money. 

Marius leaves them halfway through the shooting to go back to class since it’s nearby. They finish the vlog like they always do these days, looking at each other with enamored stupid eyes. Enjolras’ intense looks can be so soft sometimes. It makes Grantaire feel awfully self-conscious because they catch their reflection in them and they look stupid. 

It’s because of the round shape, it gives them a ginormous nose. 

Grantaire cuts the Gopro and dares to kiss Enjolras on the lips. Kisses are a relief because Grantaire stops seeing their reflection in their partner’s eyes when they close their own. But then they part.

“I’d gladly welcome a tea now,” Enjolras says.

“Sure, on me?”

“Are you sure?”

“I know your student scholarship doesn’t cover that much…”

“You must also know that my parents are loaded…”

“...And that they don’t give you that much to teach you how to be independent.”

“True, but in case, I have a safety net which you don’t. On me,” Enjolras asserts.

Grantaire nods. They put the Gopro back in their bag and follow Enjolras to their favorite café beside the Musain. A tea for Enjolras, a beer for Grantaire and, because they’ve been recognized as regular customers, peanuts. 

“So… I’ve been thinking,” Enjolras says, and even though it will only be temporary and it’s not a real solution and it’s really… not an escape, what you said about starting over somewhere on the Discord hit me. So, Combeferre told me about this collective that creates these spaces where they help refugees and they’re starting a new one and need volunteers to help with French teaching and cultural stuff, computering and other workshops. For people from other places, we can be fed and hosted. It’s not that far but it’s south, away from Paris. And… I signed up for this.”

“Oh…” Grantaire says, trying to not show how painful the perspective of seeing Enjolras leave to go so far. “How long will it last?”

“Only three months, but it can be renewed… or shortened. You know how it works.”

“What about your studies?”

“I can work from distance and again, I already have all my credits. Yes, I’ll lose my scholarship, but it wouldn’t have covered for much more than three months and, again, I have the luxury of a safety net to bounce back after.”

“Seems like you’ve got it all planned,” Grantaire notices with a tense grin. 

“Yes. Again, I’ve been thinking.”

“For how long? When were you planning on telling me? I mean, I have nothing to say but… aren’t we like… erh… it’s like the end of the ABCD…. like, I knew it was coming but, well… we’re… supposed… to…. we’re…”

It’s hard to say… they didn’t exactly decide what they were? Well, “partners” seems neutral enough, right?

“Partners? We’re partners… you could warn me.”

“It’s not for another month. That gives some time to prepare.”

Grantaire sighs with relief. Why didn’t they say it right away? Still, a month seems awfully short.

“Now, what about you?” Enjolras asks. 

Grantaire’s stomach flips. Is Enjolras… inviting them to join? Why does it sound so romantic to be asked on such a crappy plan?

“Woah... I… just…”

“You can take your time to think about it. But I made a list of reasons why you could be an excellent asset to this and more widely, why you should go: A) you’re creative, free spirited, very social and you adapt to people you talk with, these qualities are ideal to work there. B) It’s a perfect excuse to leave your crappy job and not have to worry about housing and food for a bit. C) If you worry about Bê and Lesgle finding another roommate, isn’t Marius looking for a cheaper place? D) Feeling useful is nice. E)... You’ll be with me… and I’d like… your company.”

Grantaire smiles, frowns, breathes in to talk, hesitates, and then finally says: 

“I’m in.”

Enjolras’ smile is more radiant than the sun. 

*** 

It took them way more time than they expected considering how little Marius owns, but they’re finally done with the last box. Most of the ABCD or what used to be the ABCD is here: Courfeyrac and Hamid Saraj, who’s driving, of course, but also Bê and Lesgle, Marius’ future roommates, and Enjolras, who arrived late to settle things with the university administration because Courfeyrac actually found a way for them to keep their scholarship. Courfeyrac surely is a sly fox, but Hamid Saraj is the one who got Marius to complete her file and she’s about to find a new arrangement with her grandfather. They’re negotiating. Having friends who know about the law is life saving. The system is fucked, but somehow, sometimes, you can get advantages from it. Both Courfeyrac and Hamid Saraj plan to use their knowledge to help and they already do with their associations and friends.

They’re supposed to meet Prouvaire and Combeferre for a drink after the moving to celebrate all this with a party at Courfeyrac’s. Eponine is also there and helped the moving. He’s gonna move soon as well. Grantaire convinced him to go with them to work in the collective. If anyone needs to leave their toxic home, it’s Eponine. He’s been living at Courfeyrac’s until their departure, which is planned for tomorrow. They’ll have five hours of bus. A nightmare. But well, the cheapest way to go there. (Buses are cheap because of privatisation and wild competition and the shit the government has been doing with trains and it’s bad and as soon as there’s no competition anymore, the prices will rise again but… like… right now it’s cheap, right? It had been hard for Enjolras to choose a transportation, but it was too late to share a car with another volunteer.)

The moving took too much time also because, as it happened, Cosette and Eponine went to school together and they slowed down the process by catching up. They get along pretty well. Grantaire hopes this friendship helps Eponine overcome his unrequited love sadness. Marius hasn’t been very subtle with her girlfriend in front of him. Cosette is more openly queer now with her purple hair, the fact that saying everything that happened with “Monsieur Madeleine” didn’t change anything unlocked something in her. Now, she decided to not give a shit anymore. Big Mood. Marius followed her and cut her hair and dyed them pink. They’re the perfect goth and pastel lesbian match. Eponine the punk feels out of place next to them, but somehow they get along. It’s nice.

_Cosette and Marius <3_

Grantaire will talk to them… later. For now, they’re exhausted by too many walks with boxes down the stairs (the elevator is broken). They lean-hug on Enjolras for the last steps they climb down. Enjolras returns their embrace but comments: “You’re sweaty.”

It’s a neutral observation, Grantaire knows it. 

“Be careful when it gets colder. You might catch a cold, it’s tricky.”

Marius holds back a “awww” because she knows it will be badly seen. Eponine doesn’t. Enjolras rolls their eyes. Tomorrow’s trip is gonna be fun. 

“So, we’re all done… woah… that was something,” sighs Lesgle.

“The elevator had the best timing,” Hamid Saraj notices. 

“No more shitty neighbour for you, Marius,” Courfeyrac says. 

“My dad is what he is,” Eponine comments. 

“Sure,” Bê says with a tense smile. 

He had the pleasure to meet Thénardier in the hallway.

“I’m gonna miss this place,” Marius says. “But well, it’s all for the best. I’ll just be a bit away from the center, but that will help me avoid spending all my money in Bubble Tea.”

“I’ll bring some to you,” Cosette says before kissing a blushing Marius’ cheek. 

Eponine says “aww” again. Does he know they’re together-together or does he cope by pretending they’re gals being pals like Courfeyrac and Combeferre? 

In any case, now they’re all on their way to Courfeyrac’s. Well, Marius, Cosette and Hamid Saraj will first unload her stuff from the car but then they’ll join them. They buy some stuff at the grocery store and then they’re there again, in the gigantic but slightly less neat (Eponine’s influence) apartment. Prouvaire and Combeferre arrive quickly after, and then an hour late, Hamid Saraj, Cosette and Marius. They sit and talk about politics, of course, about dramas, obviously, about society, about family crap, about shameful stories, the latest movies (that Joker movie is really divisive). Grantaire is falling asleep but then, Prouvaire plays some music and after an Internationale and a messy Creep, Enjolras, Grantaire and Prouvaire are about to sing again the last song they published on the channel. 

_ _

_Le temps des Cerises the last song of a misérable_

“Why that one? Can I ask?” Courfeyrac, “It’s random isn’t it?”

“Well, less than the anime song, I’d say,” Combeferre replies. “It was appropriated by la Commune.”

“It’s because it’s about good times from the past and good times to come,” Enjolras says softly. 

Grantaire raises their eyebrows, not used to such poetry from Enjolras, who raises theirs back at them. 

“Let’s start!” Prouvaire says.

_ Quand nous en serons au temps des cerises _

_ Et gai rossignol et merle moqueur _

_ Seront tous en fête _

_ Les belles auront la folie en tête _

_ Et les amoureux du soleil au coeur _

_ Quand nous chanterons le temps des cerises _

_ Sifflera bien mieux le merle moqueur _

_ _

_ _

_ _

_ _

_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really glad it's done.  
But also sad ^^  
I hope you enjoyed this :) Tell me what you think!


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